


Hard Reset

by Ultra



Series: Hard Reset [1]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Apologies, Awkward Conversations, Books, Car Accidents, Confusion, Dating, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Help, Kissing, Love, Memory Loss, Relationship(s), Season/Series 04, Sex, Starting Over, Talking, Television Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-07-06 13:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15886845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: After Jess told Rory he loved her, he turned and drove away, leaving her to wonder what she was supposed to do next. That decision only gets tougher when suddenly Jess is back, but not entirely himself, or maybe he's more like the real Jess than he's ever been...





	1. Chapter 1

“I love you.”

It was maybe the very last thing Rory ever expected to hear from Jess in that moment. She had run a million different scenarios in her head over the last six months, picturing when and where they might see each other again, what each of them might say or do. This was never how the scene played out, not once.

Before that, when they were together, she had waited for the day when these three magic words would pass his lips, when he would finally tell her he felt that much. She was pretty sure she was feeling it too at that time and would have said it back, but now? Now after everything, Rory could hardly process what she was hearing, or what she was seeing.

Jess was running. Again. No sooner had he finished speaking than his legs carried him from her, over to his car and then he was gone. The headlights flashed past her and it was done. He had left her standing alone one more time, and she hadn’t even been given the chance to think of a reply, a response, anything.

It was Lorelai who found her, what might have been five minutes or an hour and a half later, Rory really had no concept of the time. Her mom asked what had happened, and Rory told her, all in monotone, all without feeling. She didn’t know what to feel, not anymore. So much had happened with her and Jess, and she had spent what was probably way too much time going over and over it in her head. Just when she thought she was okay, that she had it all figured out, he threw her a curveball with ‘I love you’ written on it.

“What the hell am I supposed to do with that?” she asked, finally looking and sounding like she was having an emotional response. “I mean, who does that? Just blurts it out and then runs away? That’s... that’s not normal!”

“I’m sorry, hon,” said Lorelai, looking pained.

There were a hundred things she could say about Jess’ behaviour before, but now was different. Now things had changed. He told Rory he loved her, and that was pretty huge. It’d be a big deal for anyone, but for all that Lorelai knew about Jess, she knew damn well it was a much bigger thing that a guy like him had said those words than say Dean, for example.

“I can’t. I can’t talk about it anymore. I don’t even want to think about it,” said Rory then, brushing the whole situation aside with a wave of her arm. “We came here to have fun and that’s what we’re going to do.”

Lorelai wanted to stop her. She wanted to tell her it was unhealthy to bottle up what she was feeling or pretend what just happened with Jess never occurred. That would probably be good advice, but when it came to Rory’s love life, Lorelai already knew she had meddled way too much. She hadn’t helped when her daughter was caught between devotion to Dean and attraction to Jess. She had tried to be of use when the little hoodlum ran away, but it was tough to find the right way to be supportive and positive all of the time. She never liked Jess, she was glad he was gone, and yet at the same time, Lorelai hated that he left like that, because she saw how it broke Rory’s heart.

If Rory wanted to talk of other things, Lorelai would comply, for now at least. She hoped rather than believed that Jess and his love confession was so easy to brush aside, highly doubting it was really true.

They were on their third hotdog each when Luke came to find them. Rory was pitching balls at bottles and going insanely wide. Lorelai was trying to encourage her to aim better, but the third ball went sailing over the top of its target just like all the rest.

“Lorelai, have you seen Liz?” Luke asked her desperately.

“Er, no. I thought she and T.J. left a while back,” she told him, forehead furrowing at the almost crazy look in his eyes. “Luke, what happened? You look like you’re about to have a seizure.”

“It’s... It’s Jess,” he blurted out, mindful of Rory being present, but also knowing he had to speak the truth here. “He was in a car accident.”

“Oh my God!” Rory gasped, her gloved hand covering her mouth, food falling to the ground unnoticed. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” Luke admitted. “He’s alive. The hospital called me. They tried Liz’s number but couldn’t get through, and I was listed on the records as his guardian from before, so they tried the diner. If I hadn’t been in there at that exact second...” he trailed off, shaking his head.

Lorelai gripped his arm.

“Luke, it’s okay,” she promised him. “It’ll be okay. C’mon, I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

“I can drive,” he insisted, but Lorelai shook her head.

“In this state, no you can’t. Now come on, my Jeep is right over here.”

“I’m coming too,” said Rory, rushing up behind them. “Mom, I have to,” she insisted when Lorelai looked set to argue.

“Okay, no time for arguments now,” her mother agreed, encouraging her daughter to hurry.

Heaven only knew how much time they had. Lorelai never liked Jess Mariano, but she wouldn’t wish a car wreck on the kid. Besides, Luke and Rory both cared about him, and that was reason enough for Lorelai to want Jess to be okay. Until they got to the hospital, they wouldn’t know for sure what they were dealing with.

Strapping herself into the driver’s seat, she started up the engine. A quick check to see that Luke had his safety belt fastened and a call to Rory in back for the same, and then they were off. Lorelai ran the one red light that Stars Hollow had without even caring. Taylor could kiss her ass, she had bigger things to worry about.

The whole way to the hospital, Luke was using Lorelai’s cell to try to call Liz, but no luck. Either she had her phone turned off or was getting no reception. He left a couple of messages, but when he tried to leave a third, even more frantic and panicked than the other two had been, Lorelai reached to take her cell back from his hands.

“She’ll call back if and when she can,” she insisted, trying to keep her eyes on the road so they weren’t the next ones landing up in hospital. “No use giving her multiple reasons to panic until we know how bad the situation is.”

Lorelai glanced in the rear-view and saw tears in Rory’s eyes. Her baby girl had already been through so much thanks to this little punk, and now one more thing. Not that Lorelai could necessarily blame Jess for the car wreck. These things were called accidents for a reason, otherwise they would be called on purposes. Still, she kind of wished Luke’s nephew had never set foot in the Hollow. Probably would have saved a lot of heartache in the long run.

The hospital came into view and Lorelai prepared to pull into a space in the lot. Last time she had been there, Luke had been driving, and it was Lorelai herself with a relative in critical condition. It made her feel bad for her negative thoughts about Jess. There were plenty of things she could say about her father that weren’t so nice, and were well deserved, but when he was lying in that hospital bed two Christmases ago, she would have given anything to switch places with him and not have him suffer like that. A quick glance at Luke proved he was having very similar thoughts about Jess. Lorelai took a deep breath, got the Jeep parked up and turned off the engine.

“Let’s go,” she said, moving to get out.

Luke and Rory followed, and they piled into the building, all at a quickened pace. The nurse at the desk was shockingly helpful and directed them to the right place. Within seconds a doctor appeared, asking if they were the family of Jess Mariano.

“I’m Luke Danes, I’m his uncle,” Luke confirmed. “Where is he? How is he?”

“He’s stable,” she informed him. “Your nephew has been very lucky Mr Danes. Initial checks show no broken bones and no internal injuries. The only concern will be if he doesn’t wake up in the next few hours”

“Wake up?” Lorelai echoed. “He’s unconscious?”

The doctor nodded. “He has been since the impact of the accident, but as I say, he’s stable and there are no other injuries, at least nothing beyond minor scrapes and contusions.”

“But he hasn’t woken up yet,” said Rory, eyes wide and face ashen. “That’s not good.”

“It’s fairly normal actually,” the doctor told her. “The body and the brain need time to recover from the shock and impact. We’re keeping a close eye on him and if all goes well, he’ll wake before too long. Of course, even then he will need to stay here for at least twenty-four hours so we can assess his condition, but really we’re working on ifs and buts until he comes around.”

“Can I see him?” asked Luke then, adjusting his hat and clearly still reeling from the shock of it all.

“Yes, of course,” said the doctor, calling to a nurse to please show them the way.

“It should really be no more than two at a time,” she said awkwardly at the door.

“It’s fine,” said Lorelai. “You go, Luke,” she insisted, putting an arm round her daughter. “We’ll wait right here.”

Rory opened her mouth to protest then changed her mind. She wanted to see Jess, to see he was okay. At the same time, the thought of facing him as he was now terrified her. She wasn’t sure how she would react to seeing him injured and unconscious. She backed up from the door and out of Lorelai’s grasp.

“Rory, sweetie?” her mother said worriedly.

“I... I, er... You should go be with Luke. He needs support,” said Rory shakily. “I’ll go look for coffee.”

She was gone before Lorelai could argue, and though she thought about running after her, there seemed little use in trying. Rory had a point about Luke needing support right now. He was always, always there for them, and for Jess, actually. Now he needed someone and Lorelai knew it ought to be her. Taking a deep breath, she stepped in through the door in time to hear Luke speaking to Jess.

“...and you’re gonna be just fine. You’re tough, it runs in the family,” he insisted, hand on his nephew’s arm. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” said Lorelai, laying a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I know we didn’t always get along, but he is the most stubborn kid I ever met in my life, aren’t you, Jess?” she said to the unconscious young man in the bed. “You’re not gonna let a little thing like a car crash slow you down.”

Luke brought his hand up to rest on Lorelai’s own atop his shoulder. She was being so great today, he wasn’t sure how he would’ve handled this moment without her. It was so strange, because Jess looked basically fine. There was a minor cut over his eye, a bruise forming on his cheek, some similar marks on the upper part of his chest that was on show, but mostly he just seemed to be asleep. Luke was tempted just to shake him, yell at him to wake up, like all those mornings when he was going to be late for school or was needed to help in the diner. That wasn’t going to work this time.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said sadly. “Things were supposed to change when he came here. I was supposed to help.”

“You did help, Luke,” Lorelai assured him, squeezing his shoulder. “You did so much, and you’re here when he needs you, again.”

Outside the door, Rory hovered, with paper cups of coffee clasped in her hands. She couldn’t go in even if she wanted to, and yet seeing only a glimpse of Jess through the door was enough to bring tears to her eyes again.

Lorelai turned when she heard movement beyond the doors. She patted Luke’s shoulder and then left him a moment.

“Rory? Honey, are you-?”

“Can I go in? Please?” she asked urgently.

“Sure. I’ll keep the coffee company,” Lorelai agreed, taking the drinks from her daughter.

Rory rushed in through the doors and stalled a few steps from the bed.

Luke rose to meet her.

“Hey, Rory. Um, you wanna sit?” he offered her his chair since it seemed to be the only one.

She slowly shook her head and approached the bed, her eyes fixed on Jess’ face. He looked so normal, so like himself. It was a relief, and yet so strange. There was barely any sign of the accident on him, and yet he was in danger until he woke.

“He looks so peaceful,” she said, shaking her head. “He must be okay, right?”

“I’m sure he will be,” said Luke, finding bravery he didn’t know he had because he just had to right now. “Um, you wanna stay a while? I should go and try calling Liz again.”

Rory nodded without a word, hardly acknowledging Luke was even there. She couldn’t think of anything but Jess, she wasn’t aware of anyone else.

“I know you have this tendency to say what you want to say and then run away, just to make it impossible for people to respond, but this is taking things a little far, Jess,” she told him, the moment they were alone. “Why would you do this? Why would you tell me you love me and then...? Not that you meant to crash your car, I know that,” she said, shaking her head, wiping away another tear. “Jess, you have to be okay. You drive me crazy and you make me so mad, but you can’t... you can’t just...”

Rory stopped talking, physically flinching when she realised Jess’ hand just moved. Maybe she imagined it, but watching closely she noticed it happen again.

“Jess?”

His eyelids moved. They didn’t open at first, but they definitely moved, and then his hand again.

“Mom!” Rory bellowed out into the hall.

Lorelai immediately came running, in time to see Jess open his eyes, looking more than a little panicked.

“Jess?” she checked. “Hey, don’t freak out, everything’s fine,” she promised him, realising fast that Rory was in no position to calm the guy down in her own state of panic. “You were in an accident and you’re in the hospital, but you’re gonna be fine, I promise.”

“Are you a doctor?” asked Jess, slurring a little, looking out of it still.

“No, Jess. It’s me, it’s Lorelai,” she said, smiling some.

The frown on his face was a little concerning, but not much. It wasn’t as if she was a likely candidate for keeping watch at Jess Mariano’s bedside so she kind of understood the confusion.

“Jess, we were so worried,” said Rory then, getting his attention.

Still the frown remained on Jess’ face as he glanced between the girls. His hand went to his head that ached like hell, and then he asked the only question that came to mind.

“Do I know you?”


	2. Chapter 2

“This is too freaky,” declared Lorelai for maybe the third time in the past ten minutes. “I’d say he was faking, but seriously, the kid looked so weirded out, I can’t accuse him.”

“Jess wouldn’t fake amnesia,” said Rory absently, continuing to pace the hall. “It’s just... He’s really lost his memory. Maybe all of it.”

They wouldn’t know for sure how far Jess’ memory loss extended until the doctor was done talking to him. Luke was in there too, while the Gilmore girls waited beyond the door, unsure what to think.

“Maybe he hasn’t lost so much,” Lorelai considered. “I mean, you and me, we’re new in his life, just from the last couple of years or so. He could remember everything else, like, before Stars Hollow?”

“He doesn’t.”

She looked up fast as Luke stepped out of the room. Rory stopped pacing and turned wide eyes towards Luke too.

“He remembers nothing,” he explained, shaking his head. “Not me or you, not even his own name.”

He sank down into the seat beside Lorelai, adjusting his hat, running a hand over his face. Luke didn’t know what to say or do and it showed in every fibre of his being. The Gilmore girls certainly had no clue how to comfort him or what to think about Jess’ situation.

The doctor slipped out of the room and asked for a word with Luke.

“Anything you have to say about Jess, they can hear,” he assured him, gesturing between Lorelai and Rory.

“Well, as you saw, Jess has retrograde amnesia,” the doctor explained. “It’s basically the episodic kind. This means he recalls basic functions, knows how to feed himself and use the bathroom, his vocabulary appears intact, and he will know a lot of the factual information he knew before, but as to actual memories of his life - who he is, where he’s from, the events he’s lived through - I’m afraid Jess recalls practically nothing.”

“Wow,” Lorelai gasped. “Um, but it’ll come back, right? I mean, you watch movies, people get amnesia, then they get another bump on the head or some other big event happens and bang, all memories recovered.”

“It can happen,” the doctor agreed, nodding his head. “Very often the memory does return over time, often gradually, but sometimes it is never fully recovered. I’m afraid we do have to accept the possibility that Jess may never regain his memories.”

Rory stopped hearing anything else after that. Her mind was spinning with the facts she had been told and all they might mean. Jess didn’t know her, or her mom, or Luke. He didn’t even know himself. He had no recollection of living in Stars Hollow, or New York before that. He probably wouldn’t even know his own mother, potentially not his own face in the mirror. It was too strange to contemplate, but Rory just couldn’t help doing so. She felt sick.

“Hey, kid,” said Lorelai, so suddenly that Rory physically jumped at the feel of her mom’s arm around her shoulders. “You doing okay?”

“I’m just... I feel bad, for Jess. He must be so confused and upset.”

“The doctor just said he gave him something for the shock, keep him calm. He’ll be okay. I know it’s going to be tough, but let’s be glad it’s only his memory that’s gone. That car wreck could’ve been a whole lot worse.”

Rory nodded, knowing her mother had a point. Jess could’ve been killed, or injured to the point of losing limbs or being paralysed. As it was, he was physically fine, as far as anyone could tell. A few cuts and bruises, nothing that wouldn’t heal in a little while, but his memory, that could be gone for good.

Rory felt bad for him, and then so guilty, because she almost felt more bad for herself. The last thing Jess had said to her before his accident was that he loved her. Now he didn’t even know her name. That hurt more than she was comfortable with.

“We have to help,” she said, shaking off the guilt and worry then, thinking perhaps that taking action would do her some good. “Jess, we have to help Jess. He doesn’t really have anybody, and he can’t be alone if he doesn’t remember anything. Anything could happen to him.”

“Well, sweetheart, he won’t be alone,” said Lorelai, looking at her daughter with concern. “You didn’t hear what Luke just said? He’s going to have Jess move back into the diner apartment with him. He won’t be alone. Jess is going to have all the help me needs.”

Rory nodded that she understood, though she had heard nothing of this from Luke or even most of what the doctor said. She felt better though, knowing Jess was staying in Stars Hollow, that maybe she could help, and that Luke would be there for him too. When her mom hugged her, Rory hugged back. It would all be okay, eventually, she hoped, and yet that didn’t stop tears pouring from her eyes all over again.

* * *

Jess Mariano felt very strange. Quite honestly, just being addressed by his own name felt odd, since he had no recollection of it even being him. The truth was, he really didn’t know anything but for the information given to him by a doctor, a couple of nurses, and a guy that said he was his Uncle Luke.

It was strange to have to ask if he had parents and what their names were, what his own age was, and where he lived. Those facts he was given, but the doctor advised that as far as possible nobody should tell Jess his history in full. It would be better for him to try to recall as much as he could for himself. Forcing things might lead to confusion. Jess wondered if he could ever feel more confused than knowing nothing at all about his own life, but apparently, the doctor knew better.

“Everything looks good here, Jess,” he said, looking over his charts and notes. “I’m quite happy for you to be discharged since your uncle has said he’ll take responsibility for you.”

“That’s cool, thanks.” Jess nodded carefully.

His head still hurt a little, or at least ached and swam some when he moved it too quickly. Apparently, that was normal, and would settle in time. The only real problem he had was his lack of memories.

“Do you have any questions for me before you go?” asked the doctor then.

“No. Thanks,” Jess confirmed, smiling absently at the guy who then left, allowing Luke back into the room.

“Hey, Jess. How’re you doing?”

“Fine, I guess,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Um, the people who were here before, Lorelai and...?”

“Rory,” Luke supplied. “Yeah, they had to leave, but you’ll see them again. They come into the diner all the time.”

“Uh-huh.” Jess nodded slowly one more time. “And they’re... friends?”

“Well, they’re mother and daughter,” Luke explained, “and best friends. It’s kind of complicated with those two.”

“No, I meant they’re my friends, or your friends?”

“Um, both, kind of, I guess,” said Luke, shifting awkwardly, adjusting the cap on his head.

Jess wanted to ask what that was supposed to mean, but already knew he shouldn’t. The doctor had advised that he tried not to ask too many questions about what had been before, to not force the memories to come, instead trying to let his mind find its own path. It was the best way for Jess to recover from his amnesia. Though it may never happen, Jess planned to do what he could to help it along. It was just too weird not knowing anything at all about his life or the people in it.

“So,” he said then.

“So,” Luke echoed. “Um, I brought some clothes for you. Since you left half your stuff behind when you took off before, it’s... well, at least we don’t have to buy anything new for you for a while, and maybe seeing the old stuff will help with the memories,” he rambled a little then let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Jess.”

“For what?” he asked curiously.

“I don’t know, everything? I really don’t know how we’re going to handle all of this, but I can promise you that we will find a way. I’m going to help you out as much as I can. You can stay with me as long as you want, work in the diner again when you’re up to it. I’m here for you, you know that, right?”

“I got that,” he agreed, “and thanks. Doesn’t exactly seem like my parents care a whole lot, so I appreciate this. You and what you’re doing for me,” he clarified, feeling strange just trying to express himself like that.

Jess wondered if he used to be better at it. If he and Luke were closer than they seemed now. Clearly, they used to live together, but not just recently. There were certain facts Jess had to be told, but it really was the bare minimum. Filling in the blanks was probably going to take some work, unless he could convince Luke or someone else that knew him to get more chatty than they were supposed to. Maybe Lorelai or Rory could help him out. He really hoped to see them again really soon, mostly the younger of the two, if he were honest.

* * *

“Wow,” said Lane for maybe the fourth time in as many minutes. “So, he doesn’t remember anything at all?”

“It’s like Overboard, but without the revenge plot and absolutely no laughs,” Lorelai confirmed. “Complete blank slate.”

“It must be awful,” said Rory, lacing and unlacing her fingers on the kitchen table. “I can’t imagine how confused Jess is feeling right now”

“Sweets, you gotta stop worrying about it like this, you’ll make yourself sick,” her mom insisted, sitting down at the table with the girls and offering around the Mallomars. “Yes, this is a bad situation for Jess, and as much as I have reasons enough not to like the guy, he does have my sympathy on this one, but worrying won’t help. Luke is going to help Jess out any way he can, and I’m sure in time he’ll get better.

“I know.” Rory nodded, though she didn’t look like she felt any better about the situation.

“Okay, maybe I’m being crazy, but why do I think this is not all about sympathy for Mariano?” said Lorelai then. “Is this more about feeling sorry for yourself?”

Lane looked between the Gilmore girls, feeling like maybe she turned over two pages at once. She bit down on her chocolate snack, waiting to see what the next revelation would be. It was almost better than TV, actually.

“I know, I’m the most selfish person in the world!” Rory declared, flinging her arms in the air momentarily. “All my worries should be for Jess, he’s the one that’s suffering worse of anyone, but... but I can’t help it. He doesn’t remember me, Mom. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me and now... now I could be anybody. He didn’t even know my name.”

“Woah, hold on a second!” Lane declared, spraying Mallomar crumbs across the table. “Jess said he loves you?”

“He did,” Rory confirmed, “but before I could answer, he got in his car and drove away. Next thing we heard was that he’d crashed and now he has no memory of anything.”

“Wow,” said Lane, one more time.

“Honey, I know it’s tough,” Loreal sympathised, covering Rory’s hand with her own on the table, “and I don’t think it’s selfish for you to feel bad about this situation, not at all. You’re such a good kid, nobody could blame you for feeling bummed that somebody who loves you doesn’t remember who you are, because I can’t even imagine how much that would hurt, but I just thought, well, it’s Jess. I kind of figured you were over it by now.”

“Me too.” Rory sighed. “At least, some of the time I really do believe I’m over him, and then I see him again, or something reminds me of when we were together... I don’t know. Just when I was starting to figure things out, he loses his memory. It’s kind of taken the decision of what to do right out of my hands.”

“Well, it makes my dating issues sound minor by comparison” Lane considered. “Long distance is tough, but at least Dave knows who I am.”

Rory smiled at that, she couldn’t help it. It sounded so silly, that a person who was supposed to love her didn’t even remember saying that or feeling it at all. It did hurt, but she would be dumb to let herself fall into a pit of despair about something that couldn’t be helped.

“I’ll deal,” she said then. “I’m going to have to. None of this is Jess’ fault, or anybody else’s, really. I just need to get over it, I guess.”

“Well, we’re here for you, babe, you know that,” Lorelai insisted, squeezing her hand, “and as weird as it feels to say this, we’ll be there for Jess too. Honestly, I think he’s going to need all the help he can get.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Jess. You doing okay?”

“Sure, yeah,” he told his uncle, slowly nodding his head. “Uh, you want a hand down here?”

Jess hovered by the curtain at the bottom of the stairs, peering out into the diner with apprehension. In his current state, he felt very weird about being where people could see him, or worse, talk to him. Though Uncle Luke assured him that news travelled fast in Stars Hollow and everyone would know about his amnesia by now, he had a horrible feeling he was going to offend someone when they started talking to him and he stared blankly at a friend as if they were a stranger.

“You don’t have to work if you’re not feeling up to it,” said Luke, looking concerned. “I don’t want you feeling any worse.”

“I feel fine,” Jess insisted. “The doctor cleared me. Apart from the memory thing, I’m as fit as you are” he reminded his uncle. “Besides, I’m going stir-crazy up there in that apartment all by myself. Daytime TV sucks.”

“Yeah, doesn’t take long to remember that, right?” said Luke, rolling his eyes. “You didn’t feel like reading any of your books or listening to your charming music?”

Jess smirked at the way he phrased it. He couldn’t remember exactly what Joey Ramone or The Distillers sounded like, but from the look of the album covers, they were nothing that Luke would appreciate.

“Not really. It’s weird knowing all that stuff is mine but I can’t remember when I got it, if I’ve read the books, if I’ve heard the music. Freaks me out a little bit,” he admitted, shifting uncomfortably.

Luke tried not to look at him with pity, but the truth was, he felt very sorry for his nephew’s situation. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to wake to the world and not know all the things you used to, not even your own name or face. It had to be the most disorientating, scary feeling, and Luke just wanted to make the whole situation as easy on Jess as he could. Somehow, he didn’t think working in the diner was going to help.

“Well, I guess if it’s what you want to do, you can work a shift down here,” he relented. “Who knows? Maybe something or someone will jog your memory.”

“Maybe.” Jess nodded. “I did this before, right?”

“You did. For a couple of years, around school, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Jess agreed, though honestly, nothing seemed very obvious to him anymore. “So, I put on an apron, I pick up a pad?” he said, gesturing to the equipment he figured he would need.

“Pretty much,” Luke agreed. “Ask people what they want, write it down, bring the orders up to the kitchen. When Caesar has the food ready, grab the plates, take them to the tables. Make sure people pay when they leave.”

“I think I can remember all of that,” said Jess, smirking wickedly.

Honestly, it was a look Luke had wanted to wipe off the kid’s face so many times over the years, but right now, it was a comfort. Wandering aimlessly around the apartment, staring at his own belongings, even his own reflection, with this lost look on his face, it made Luke feel awful. At least when Jess was smirking and being a smart-mouth, he seemed more like himself.

“Get to work, nephew,” he said, throwing the spare apron at his head.

Jess was actually genuinely smiling as he got to work. It was nice to be doing something that made sense, and cool to have an uncle who clearly cared so much about what happened to him. His knowledge on his parents was limited to the basics that Luke had told him. A father named Jimmy that he never met until he was eighteen and who lived in California. A mom named Liz, Luke’s sister, that was more close by but not exactly God’s gift to motherhood. That was certainly proven by the fact she didn’t even bother to come visit once she knew Jess was physically okay from the accident. Honestly, since Jess remembered nothing about her or his father, he guessed he couldn’t really mind that they didn’t seem to care much. It probably bothered him when he had memories to think about, but without them, there was nothing to feel bad about, he supposed. He had Luke, that wasn’t nothing.

“Jess, darling, how’s that pretty head of yours doing?” asked a large, glamorous woman sitting in the booth by the window.

“It’s fine, thanks,” he told her. “I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are.”

“Wow, that crash really did a number on you, huh, sugar?” asked the blonde lady on the other side of the same booth. “If he don’t remember us then he really must’ve forgotten everything!”

“That’s why they call it amnesia, sweetie,” her friend told her, rolling her eyes. “Well, Jess, I’m Miss Patty, I run the dance school across the way, and this is Babette.”

“I live next door to Lorelai and Rory,” said Babette with a grin.

“Cool.” Jess nodded, wondering why that was apparently such a big deal. “Um, you wanna order?”

The ladies told him what they wanted and Jess tried not to notice Miss Patty checking him out when he finally walked back to the counter.

“Isn’t she a little old for me?” he asked Luke in a low voice.

“Patty’ll go for anything in pants, so keep your wits about you, okay?”

“Anything?” he checked.

“Five marriages,” Luke confirmed, holding up all the digits on one hand.

“Wow.”

“Yeah, and don’t let those two fill your head with any of their gossip. None of it’s true. Well, some of it probably is but they’ll just confuse you anyway.”

“Sure.” Jess nodded. “Honestly, all they said was that Miss Patty owns a dance studio and Babette lives next door to Lorelai and Rory.”

“Huh. Well, those things are actually true, which makes a change with those two,” he said, shaking his head, before moving off to serve a customer at the counter.

Jess looked back at the two ladies in the booth and caught them staring. It was a little weird to be getting that much attention from women of their age, but Jess supposed it was a compliment in some ways. At least he was legal.

Of course, thinking about the opposite sex at all brought Jess back to wondering about any relationships he might’ve had that he couldn’t recall. He probably dated in high school or after, though of course he had no idea, and he wasn’t supposed to ask too much, just try to recall for himself. Clearly, there was nobody in the picture right now, at least, nobody that Luke knew about. Since they had at least told Jess he had been living in New York recently, there was every chance he had a girlfriend there that no-one knew about but him. It made Jess feel bad to think of some girl waiting around for him to call and he never would, simply because he literally forgot she existed.

“Jess?” said Luke, putting a hand on his arm. “You okay, buddy?”

“Yeah, sure,” he promised, nodding his head. “I was just thinking, about New York.”

“You remember something?” his uncle asked hopefully.

Jess shook his head. “No, I just... I was wondering if I had friends there, or anybody I was close to?”

“Not that you told me about.” Luke shrugged. “I mean, you had room-mates. I managed to get a hold of your landlord too, I’m gonna go pay the last part of your rent and bring the rest of your stuff back in the next couple of days.”

“Thanks,” Jess told him with a genuine smile. “You know, I appreciate all the trouble you’re going to.”

“I know.” Luke smiled too, almost too much.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“There’s something. My memory may be messed up, but I’m not stupid. That grin on your face is more than just happy.”

Luke sighed. “I don’t know, it’s just... you’re different. You’re... grateful. Let’s just say, you haven’t always been the best at saying ‘thank you’, okay?”

Jess wasn’t sure what to make of that. It was so strange having to be told what he used to be like, and still not recall it at all. He couldn’t say why he used to be ungrateful, if that was what Luke was implying. Maybe he had reasons, maybe he didn’t. Until such time as his memory came back, he supposed he would never know.

“Well, whatever I was before, I’m grateful now, okay? So, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Jess,” said Luke genuinely. “Now, are you working or are you standing around, slacker?” he teased him gently.

“I’m working, Uncle Luke,” he told him, rolling his eyes, and getting back to the task at hand.

Jess found he actually really enjoyed working in the diner. He met a lot of people who seemed to care about his health and all. He wondered how many he knew well before and how many gave a damn before the amnesia. There were girls that were nice to him and he wondered if they ever dated. There was a guy, probably his age but way taller, who seemed like he was going to come in but changed his mind when he saw Jess, which made him think too.

It was past five o’clock when the door opened and a pair of chattering brunettes came into the diner that Jess actually recognised.

“Hey,” he greeted Lorelai and Rory with a genuine smile.

“Hey, yourself,” the elder of the Gilmore girls replied. “Look at you, hardworking guy.”

“Beats sitting on my ass doing nothing.” Jess shrugged. “You want coffee, right?”

“Yes, please,” said Lorelai hesitantly, before whispering out of the side of her mouth to Rory. “Is our love of the Java so great that it’s stronger than amnesia?”

“Luke told me,” Jess assured her with another bright smile. “I’ll go get the pot.”

“Wow,” said Lorelai as soon as he was out of ear-shot. “He’s so smiley. Like Guy Smiley listening to Smiley Smile.”

“It’s good to see him happy,” said Rory definitely as they sat down at the nearest table. “I’m not sure I’d be so chipper if I lost all my memories.”

“Honey, you’re not exactly jazzed at the prospect of being a lost memory either,” her mother reminded her. “Not that I blame you. It’s gotta suck.”

“It’s not just that he doesn’t remember us dating,” said Rory, sighing heavily. “It’s all the other stuff. The friendship, the talking, all the things we have in common are gone too. We used to talk for hours about books and movies and music. Now he doesn’t even know that he likes Hemingway or Almost Famous or anything,” she said sadly.

“Well, you wanted to help him to get better, right? Maybe that’s where you start. I know the doc said it’s better to let him remember the life event stuff on his own, but he’s allowed to read books, right? He can watch movies and listen to music. You could re-educate him in all the things he used to love, and hey, as a bonus, something out of all that punk rock, misogynistic literature, and suicidal movies might actually trigger off a memory or two.”

“That’s the best idea I ever heard!” said Rory happily.

“And this is the best idea ever in the world,” said Lorelai definitely, as Jess put two large mugs down on the table before them and filled them to the brim with hot coffee. “You’re a prince, Jess. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he told her politely. “I didn’t think I’d see you today,” he said to Rory then. “Aren’t you back at Yale now?”

“Oh, I am,” she agreed, nodding her head. “Well, I was. I mean, yes, classes are in session, and I was there for them, but now I’m home for the weekend.”

“Cool,” Jess nodded, apparently amused by her rambling.

“Honestly? It could be better,” Rory admitted. “I should probably have stayed at school and got in some extra studying. Things have been so crazy lately, but I just... well, I needed to be here,” she said, looking away. “Um, home is where the heart is, right?”

“That’s what they say,” Jess agreed. “What?” he asked, when Rory frowned at him.

“You remember that phrase?” she asked curiously.

“Yup. I also remember the state capitals, the pledge of allegiance, how to add and subtract. I just couldn’t tell you when, where, or how I learnt any of that,” he explained. “The doctor said it’s called retrograde episodic memory loss. It means I know most things that I knew before just, kind of, out of context, I guess. No events, no wheres or whens, just facts.”

“Wow,” said Lorelai, shaking her head. “That’s weird, right?”

“Very weird,” Jess confirmed. “I thought maybe I’d remember movies or music or books or whatever, but not so much. I’m drawing a blank on the titles that I own anyway. I haven’t tried diving in yet. It feels kind of strange.”

Jess noticed Rory flinched and realised with some amusement, as well as confusion, that Lorelai seemed to have kicked her under the table. Rory glared at her mom, and then looked back to Jess with a smile.

“Well, if you’re not working all day tomorrow, maybe you could come over to our house and watch a movie with me. Might not feel so weird with some company?”

“Okay,” said Jess, figuring he had nothing to lose. “I mean, if you’re not busy.”

“I can make time, if it would help you out.”

“Couldn’t hurt.” Jess smiled. “Thanks, Rory.”

“No problem,” she assured him.

Lorelai cut in then to place her food order and Rory followed suit. When Jess had walked away, still scribbling on his note pad, Lorelai leaned in closer to Rory.

“You feelin’ better now, hon?” she asked her, sure by the smile on her daughter’s face that she definitely did. 

“I really am,” she confirmed. “I mean, it’ll probably be strange, being at our house, watching a movie with Jess just like we used to, when he doesn’t know... how we used to be,” she said diplomatically, “but I meant what I said about wanting to help him. No matter what happened between us, he needs a friend right now, and I want to step up.”

“That’s my girl.”


	4. Chapter 4

Rory wasn’t sure what she was feeling or what she was doing as she waited for Jess to arrive at her house. He had told her how strange he felt, not knowing things he was supposed to know anymore, but Rory wasn’t sure he could feel any more strange than she did right now. Her ex-boyfriend, who no longer remembered that they ever dated, was about to show up to watch a movie. Not only was Jess unaware that he and Rory were ever more than friends, he also had no clue that the last thing he said to her before he lost his memory was ‘I love you.’

“Why did I think this was a good idea?” Rory asked herself, pacing the living room.

Before she had a chance to think of an answer, or even consider the question too long, there was a knock on the front door. Too late to change her mind now.

Taking a deep breath, Rory walked over to the door and pulled it open. There he was, looking just exactly as he always did, and yet Jess was different somehow, without all the memories that helped to make him who he really was.

“Hey,” he greeted her. “Er, I brought food. It’s just leftover brownies, but Luke said you’d appreciate them.”

“Thank you,” said Rory, taking the box from him. “Luke knows how much I love brownies.”

“I guess I used to know that too,” Jess considered, looking as awkward as he doubtless felt. “I spent the whole time walking over here trying to remember if I even like them,” he noted as he followed Rory inside. “They smell good, so I figure it’s a yes.”

“We’ll share while we watch the movie,” she promised, going over to the couch and gesturing for Jess to follow. “I got one of your favourites, at least, it always was before,” she explained, putting the box of brownies down on the table, and reaching for the TV remote.

Hitting the button, the screen came alive just as Jess’ butt hit the cushion a couple of feet over from Rory. He read Almost Famous on the screen and nodded his head.

“Cool,” he said, quite obviously unsure as to what he was about to see.

Rory tried to keep her regretful sigh down to a dull roar. Honestly, a part of her thought it might be this simple, for Jess to see the opening of his favourite movie and suddenly everything would come back. Deep down, she knew it couldn’t possibly be that easy, but she had hoped.

In silence, they sat together, watching the movie. For a while, there was no sound but the TV, no movement except when they each reached for a brownie or to take a sip from bottles of soda placed at either end of the coffee table. Rory spent the whole time trying not to quote the parts she knew so well, and to not be too obvious when she snuck looks at Jess to see his reactions. Of course, nothing could keep her from singing along with ‘Tiny Dancer’ during the bus scene. The real revelation was the realisation that Jess was humming along too.

“You know this?” she said, eyes lighting up as she looked at him.

“I guess so.” Jess shrugged. “The movie’s not real familiar. I’m guessing I’ve seen it before?”

“A lot of times, yeah,” Rory told him, looking back to the TV fast.

Jess had a feeling there was something significant about this movie, or maybe just about his watching it with Rory. He liked it, both the movie and being here with her, that much was clear to him. It made him wonder how much he had liked all this before, or loved it, maybe. It wasn’t as if he and Rory were closer than friends, because somebody would have at least told him something that important, he figured. They were just friends, which made Jess wonder if he was crazy in some way even before the head trauma. Surely, the closer he could get to Rory, the happier he would be. She was beautiful, and sweet, and smart, from Luke had said too. What was there not to love?

“Are you okay?” she asked when she caught him staring.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, taking a sip from his soda and going back to watching the movie.

Silence reigned once again, until the credits finally rolled on Almost Famous. Rory reached for the remote and turned off the TV, then went for the last brownie, just as Jess did the same thing. Their hands touched and the electricity Rory was well used to shot up her arm.

“Um, you can have it,” she said of the brownie, making a big deal of pushing her hair behind her ear and looking away.

“That’d be pretty ungentlemanly of me,” Jess noted, wondering why his hand was still tingling from the brief touch of Rory’s fingers.

“Yeah, but Miss Manners would say that the guest outranks the hostess,” said Rory thoughtfully.

“Huh,” Jess looked thoughtful when she glanced at him. “Got a knife?”

“Yes, I do.”

Rory was grateful for a reason to get up and vacate the room if she were honest. This was such a strange situation. She had known it was going to feel weird, but not like this. There was a time when she really thought she might’ve gotten over Jess. After the way he treated her toward the end of their relationship, and then running away to California without a word of explanation or even a goodbye, it was pretty crappy. When he came back just recently, she hadn’t an idea how to deal with him, then had come the confession of his love for her. Rory had barely had a chance to get her head around that revelation when the accident happened, and now Jess had no memory of any of it. Not their friendship, their dating, or his proclamation of love. He had no idea how he used to feel about her, and quite honestly, Rory never had been 100% on how she felt about him anyway. She could tell him all, but had no idea what that would achieve, or if it would do more harm than good.

“You okay in there?” he called from the living room.

“Be right out!” Rory yelled back, grabbing the nearest knife and hurrying back, handing it to Jess as soon as she reached the couch.

“Wow,” he said of the knife that was clearly not the right tool for the job. “You didn’t have an actual meat cleaver available?” he checked, eyeing the huge knife with amusement.

“Our kitchen is not exactly well-equipped,” she reminded him of what he used to know so well. “It was either that, or something in plastic that came free with take-out.”

“We’ll make this work,” he considered, cutting the last brownie in two. “Well, at least it’s sharp.”

Rory nodded dumbly, taking her half of the brownie and shoving it in her mouth before she said anything stupid. She had no idea what she should say right now. She couldn’t tell Jess any of what was on her mind. It would hardly be fair when he remembered none of it and couldn’t be expected to. She struggled for a topic, knowing that he no longer knew any of the books, movies or music they used to discuss, except one.

“So, Almost Famous,” she tried, after she swallowed the last bite of her brownie. “Still a favourite?”

“It’s a good movie,” said Jess, nodding his head and licking the last of his own brownie off his thumb. “Thanks for watching it with me”

“No problem.”

“Did we used to do this a lot?”

Rory started choking and had to take a long drink from her soda to recover.

“Crumbs,” she said by way of explanation. “Um, yeah. We’ve watched movies together before,” she answered diplomatically. “We used to talk a lot about books too.”

“Right. I seem to have a lot of those,” he noted.

“You’ve seen nothing, mister,” she told him happily, grabbing his wrist and pulling him up as she hurried to her bedroom, only glad to have a topic to talk about for a minute. “Now, this is my library,” she declared.

Jess was still perusing the shelves when Rory hit the floor and pulled open several drawers and boxes that contained the rest of her vast collection.

“Wow. Someone’s hooked on phonics.”

Rory looked up at him so fast and with such a look on her face, Jess actually thought she was going to cry. He looked down, half-expecting to find she dropped one of the drawers of books onto her foot or something, but no.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she insisted. “It’s just... Er, you said that to me before.”

“I did? When?”

“Actually, the first day we met, and you were pretty much standing right there, looking at my books.”

Jess felt his eyes widen at that revelation. He tried to find the memory in his head, knowing it had to be in there somewhere, but no matter what he did, all he could conjure up was miles and miles of blank space. The list of memories held in his head that contained Rory was short to say the least. The hospital when he woke up, the diner yesterday, the movie today, and this moment. That was literally all he had.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking away. “This is so stupid.”

“Jess, don’t,” said Rory, jumping up and reaching for him. “You don’t have to feel bad about it. It’s not your fault you don’t remember, and it’s really not a big deal. You just startled me is all.”

Her hand was on his arm and Jess felt that strange jolt of electric again. Before she had a chance to take it away, he covered her hand with his, took a hold of it and squeezed. She didn’t try to pull away, but she looked a little shocked. Jess didn’t know if they did this, if they were ever closer than friends, or exactly what they were. He was acting entirely on instinct, and instinct told him this was cool.

“This has to be weird for you too, right?” he asked Rory then.

She might have answered if she could breathe. It felt so strange to be holding hands with her ex-boyfriend, standing in her bedroom, surrounded by the books they had read together so many times. Jess had bought some of them for her, his writing was in the margins of more than a few, and he didn’t even remember.

“Weird?” she echoed at last, staring at his fingers curled around her own, shivering every time his thumb moved against her wrist.

“Well, I don’t remember anything, which is crazy, but I can’t miss what I don’t know I had,” Jess considered. “It’s gotta be even weirder for you, for Luke, for Lorelai, all the folks in town. They have all these memories of me, and as far as my mind knows, I was never even there.”

“That is weird, yeah.” Rory nodded, thinking maybe she should get her hand back already, because this was just adding to the weird. A nice weird, but still. “Jess...”

‘Saved by the bell’ was an entirely apt phrase as the phone rang loudly in the hallway. Rory’s hand flew from Jess’ grip as she rushed by him to go answer the call.

Jess stood in her bedroom still, staring after her a moment, and then at the shelves of books on books. He had some of the same ones. Howl, Franny and Zooey, The Fountainhead. He had read those titles on the spines of books piled up in the apartment over the diner. They belonged to him, but Jess had no memory of a single one. If he started to read, he might recall some details, just like the movie which had started to feel vaguely familiar as it went on. It was strange that those things could come back that way, but actual memories, anything concrete about Jess and his life, none of that showed any sign of returning. Of course, it had only been a few days yet.

“Sorry about that,” said Rory, reappearing in his view. “My grandma is looking for my mom.”

Jess nodded but didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that. In his head, there was no name or face attached to Rory’s grandmother, and he wondered vaguely if he was supposed to know her, if they ever met. It didn’t seem worth asking.

“What’s your favourite book?” he asked instead.

“Wow,” said Rory, shaking her head. “You do realise that’s like asking a mother to choose her favourite child, right?”

Jess smirked, and Rory’s heart skipped a beat at the sight. She moved past him quickly and returned to studying her full library.

“Hmm, I could probably narrow it down to a dozen.”

“Okay, new question,” Jess tried, leaning on the doorjamb watching her. “You got any idea what my favourite book is?”

Rory’s eyes strayed to the book shelf right near his head, and Jess followed her gaze to the correct row. He watched as her hand reached for one title and she showed him the cover at last.

“The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway,” said Jess, reaching for the book, but Rory pulled it away.

“Nope, you don’t need my copy,” she told him. “You have your own. This one? You bought this for me.”

“I bought that?”

Rory nodded, smiling in a certain way that Jess could only think had a happy memory attached to it. Something in his heart shifted, but for the life of him, he had no idea why. He really wished he did.

“You know, in one way, I’m almost jealous of that amnesia of yours,” she said, moving to put the drawers of books back into place, and the boxes back under her bed. “Now you get to re-read all the greatest books for the first time, and it’s all new again.”

“There is that, I guess,” Jess considered. “Lucky me.”

His tone of voice made Rory feel instantly guilty.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” she apologised, looking up at him. “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine,” he promised her. “Seriously, it’s nice to find a bright side to this,” he said, gesturing vaguely at his own head. “Now I have two.”

“Two?” Rory checked.

“Getting to re-read all the books like they’re new, and spending time with you,” he recapped easily, amused by the way she blushed pink at his words.

“You didn’t have to lose your memory to spend time with me, Jess,” she told him, realising a second later that actually there was no way they would be here like this, being so friendly and reasoable, if his accident hadn’t happened. “Um, I mean, well... What I mean is, I’m not just being nice to you because you lost your memory.”

“Good to know.” Jess nodded. “So, er, I should probably go. You have all that studying, right?”

“Well, yeah, I guess,” Rory considered, looking back at her desk, “but I’m kind of hungry, actually. I was thinking of ordering a pizza, maybe watching another movie. You could stay, if you want?”

She wasn’t sure what she was doing right now. Rory was starting to wonder if maybe she had a crack on the head at some point too and just didn’t notice. This was clearly not the behaviour of a sane person, and yet, she couldn’t have been happier when Jess agreed to stay a while longer.

“You got a movie in mind?” he asked curiously as they headed back to the living room.

Rory ducked down by the TV and rifled through the video tapes lying there. When she found what she was looking for, she looked genuinely triumphant.

“Nothing goes so well with pizza as another Italian classic,” she said, showing Jess the tape.

“The Godfather,” he read from the edge. “Okay.”

“Trust me,” Rory advised, popping the tape into the machine.

“Always,” he answered, almost like a reflex.

It was debatable who was more surprised by that, but neither spoke a word.


	5. Chapter 5

“So, you’re doing okay?”

Jess rolled his eyes at the question he seemed to have heard a hundred times today.

“Yes, Uncle Luke. I’m doing okay,” he promised, smiling across at him. “Look, I’m not trying to be a jerk here, but I’ve read the same sentence in this book about forty times now.”

“Sorry,” said his uncle, holding his hands up in mock surrender and turning back to the dishes in the sink. “I just... well, you’re not always great at telling me if anything is up, and with things the way they are, I just feel like I need to check is all.”

Jess sighed and closed the book on the marker. He clearly wasn’t going to get any further in reading it, so what was the point? It wasn’t that he hated the fact Luke cared about him. It was nice to know he wasn’t alone in the world, as well as without memories, but all the questions today were making him a little crazy.

Getting up from his bed, Jess came over to the kitchen area, picked up the dishtowel and started drying. He noticed Luke grinning and had to ask why.

“It’s nothing. I’ve just never seen you voluntarily put down a book and come help with chores is all.”

“Yeah, well. I used to remember why I didn’t. Now I don’t,” Jess pointed out. “It’s a good book. Rory told me it used to be my favourite. I can see why.”

“Hemingway?” Luke checked.

“The Old Man and the Sea.” Jess nodded. “It’s amazing.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you and Rory are spending time together too. It’s gotta be good for you.”

“Why?”

Luke looked at Jess and then away again very fast. There was something in his expression that made Jess even more suspicious than before. 

“C’mon, Luke, why is me spending time with Rory so good for me?”

“Well, you guys were close, you knew a lot about each other. Spending time with her is probably good for your memory,” he explained, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, you lived here, but you never really talked to me about anything that mattered. With Rory, well, you just got along so well.”

“We still do,” Jess assured him. “She’s cool. Apparently, we have a lot in common. A whole bunch of stuff I don’t remember, but still. She showed me a couple of movies the other night that were great, then she told me what my favourite book was. I don’t know if it’ll help, but it doesn’t suck to be pointed in the right direction on stuff I like.”

“That’s good.” Luke nodded, handing him the final dish for drying. “You seen much of Rory since last Saturday?”

“No, she’s back at Yale, and really busy from what I heard. I called her once, but she was swamped. Haven’t heard from her since,” he admitted, putting the plate onto the shelf and tossing the towel onto the worktop. “You seen Lorelai?”

“A couple of times,” said Luke, “but not as much as usual. Although, she was talking about us meeting for dinner sometime. I don’t know what that’s about, but we didn’t settle on a date.”

“It’s a date now?” Jess checked.

“No, I didn’t mean... Not a date, as in a date. I meant, which date, like, which day, you know?”

Jess frowned. His uncle was floundering a lot when it came to the possibility of dating Lorelai. Quite honestly, Jess wondered why they weren’t dating. Everything he was seeing when he looked at Luke and Lorelai suggested they were a couple, and yet, apparently, they were not and never had been.

“You ever think about it?” he asked then.

“Think about what?”

“Uncle Luke,” he said with a look. “C’mon, I may not remember everything about you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not this dumb. You ever think about dating Lorelai?”

He looked like he was giving serious consideration to his answer before he dared open his mouth, which as far as Jess was concerned told him everything he needed to know without a word spoken.

“It’s not as simple as that,” said Luke eventually. “Not by a long shot.”

Jess knew he couldn’t argue. There was so much he didn’t know here, way too much to be giving out dating advice. For all Jess knew, he had never dated at all himself, though he would like to think he had. Somehow, asking Luke about that didn’t seem like a plan.

“Whatever you say, Uncle Luke,” he said, going back to his bed and his book.

* * *

“I can’t believe it has taken a week and a chance conversation with Babette for me to find out that you spent most of last Saturday with Jess Mariano!”

“Lane,” Rory gasped when she realised who was on the line. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep anything from you. Everything is just so crazy here right now.”

“Hey, I’m not mad,” her friend assured her, concerned now that Rory was about to burst into tears from the sound of her tone. “I’m just surprised you didn’t tell me is all.”

“I really did mean to, Lane,” she promised. “I should take a break from this work anyway,” she declared, putting down her pencil and turning away from her desk, “and hey, this is a great opportunity to talk since Paris is out of the room.”

“Does she have class?”

“No, she’s taking this time to yell at one of our dorm-mates about her boyfriend and how much she doesn’t like him.”

“Yep, sounds like Paris. So, about Jess?”

“There’s not really all that much to tell,” said Rory thoughtfully. “Er, he came over, we watched Almost Famous, and then later The Godfather. We ate brownies from Luke’s, and then pizza that I ordered in from Angelo’s. Oh, I also showed him my book collection, since obviously, he can’t remember it from before, and I reminded him that his favourite used to be Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea.”

“Wow, that’s so weird,” said Lane, shaking her head. “I can’t even imagine not remembering my favourite book or movie... or music!” she gasped then. “Can you imagine forgetting Bowie? The Beatles? XTC? The Rolling Stones?”

“It must be pretty strange,” Rory agreed. “I feel so bad for Jess. I know he hasn’t always done the right thing, especially when it came to our relationship, but seeing him like this? It’s just awful.”

“You feeling any better about that whole situation?” asked Lane. “You know, him not knowing that he loves you anymore?”

“I don’t know,” sighed Rory. “I mean, if Jess hadn’t lost his memory, there’s no way we would’ve spent the day together like that or had that kind of fun, because the whole mess of what we used to be would’ve gotten in the way. On the other hand, because of the memory loss, we did have a great day, but I couldn’t say anything I really wanted to, especially when... well, there was kind of a moment.”

“Moment?” Lane echoed. “Like, a kiss?”

“No, nothing like that,” Rory insisted. “Just, you know that thing where your hands touch and it just feels... I don’t know, like, sparks, I guess.”

“Oh, yeah. I loved the sparks. With Dave, there was all kinds of sparkage,” she said dreamily.

“Well, there still is with me and Jess, apparently, and without all the baggage of the past, it was really tough to ignore.”

“Wow. So, what does this mean? Do you think you guys are going to get back together?”

“How can we?” asked Rory, feeling defeated. “I keep thinking it could really work this time, a clean slate, starting over, it could be great, but is it fair to him? I mean, I know everything that happened before, but Jess doesn’t. If we ever had a fight, I’d still be mad about all those things from before, but he would have no idea he even did them, and if I had to tell him... well, then it’s not starting over, is it?”

“That’s really, really complicated,” Lane considered.

Rory smiled, she couldn’t help it. She knew exactly how complicated her situation with Jess was, because outside of her studying and classes for Yale, which took up most of her time, every other single second of spare time and energy was spent thinking about it. Her and Jess how they used to be, her and Jess as they might be. Her and Jess on Saturday when he was holding onto her hand and looking at her like she was the only person in the whole world that mattered to him.

“Rory?”

“I’m here. Sorry, Lane,” she said, snapping out of her daze. “Um, I should probably get back to work, but I promise we’ll catch up properly next time I’m home. Honestly, I haven’t even talked to my mom this week, everything has been so beyond busy here.”

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from your studying,” Lane insisted, “but I do need to know what’s going on. With Dave gone, I’m living vicariously through you in terms of a love life.”

“Good luck with that,” said Rory, smiling still. “I promise, if anything serious happens, you will be the first to know... or one of the first, maybe after mom.”

“Obviously,” said Lane easily, knowing Lorelai would always rank just a tiny bit higher on the best friend scale, but only a tiny bit. “Good luck with all your Yale work.”

“Thanks, Lane,” she said, before finally hanging up the phone and looking to her books once again. “Okay, studying,” she told herself, even as she began humming ‘Tiny Dancer’ one more time, grinning like a fool as she did so.

* * *

Just as soon as Jess finished reading The Old Man and the Sea, he dived into the next Hemingway on his shelf. In between working in the diner and trying to figure out what all the music he owned actually sounded like, he spent quite a lot of time reading. After flying through three Hemingways, he laid his hand on the next book on the shelf, The Fountainhead, and began to read that instead. After five pages, he had a headache. Knowing that Rory owned the same book, he had to wonder if she had convinced him to buy it. He certainly couldn’t imagine he liked it, but of course, he couldn’t remember at all.

With the book shoved in his back pocket, Jess headed for the Gilmore house, hoping that Rory was back for the weekend. He had tried calling her, but she didn’t pick up, and honestly, he thought it might be cool to surprise her at home.

Leaving the diner, he crossed the street and headed on his way, stopping abruptly when he heard a strange sound. Turning a full circle, he suddenly realised somebody was crying. Next, he spotted the woman in question, and even in the dim light, he realised who she was.

“Lorelai?” he checked, doubling back to the bench where she was sat. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Oh, hey, Jess,” she said, quickly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “You doing okay?”

“I’m doing fine,” he promised her. “You on the other hand,” he said with a look. “Is Rory okay?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, shaking her head, looking fit for another bout of tears at any moment. “That’s part of the problem. Not the biggest part, unfortunately. You know I haven’t talked to Rory in at least a week? Her voicemail, her email, those have heard me plenty, but not Rory. We keep missing each other and I really need to talk to her. Everything is such a mess!” she declared desperately.

Jess didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He wasn’t totally clear on how close he was with the Gilmore girls before his accident. They were friends, him and Luke, Lorelai and Rory, but nobody talked about how long they’d known each other or how close they were. Still, when a person was as upset as this, Jess didn’t think it mattered. You were supposed to be nice to people who were crying this hard. On instinct, he sat down and put his arm around her.

“Hey, it’ll be cool,” he said, feeling just a little awkward, especially when Lorelai stiffened up the moment he touched her. “You and Rory, you’ll talk. She’s coming home for the weekend, right?”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” said Lorelai, shifting awkwardly, though not quite enough to dislodge Jess’ arm. “This is so weird,” she declared then.

“What is?” he asked, clearly lost.

The expression on his face was enough to make Lorelai laugh, even though she knew it was unfair.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” she told him honestly, pulling a wad of tissue from her purse and cleaning up her face. “I’m not... I don’t mean to laugh at you, it’s not your fault. This situation, it’s just a little surreal is all. You and me, we... well, we haven’t always gotten along so well.”

“Huh,” he said then, pulling his arm away. “Sorry.”

“Hey, I appreciate the being nice, I swear I do,” she promised him, her hand on his shoulder. “It’s just... weird.”

“I get that a lot lately.” Jess sighed. “Everything I do is weird, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know why.”

He looked so lost and dejected, immediately Lorelai felt bad again. Of course, Jess’ pain put her own issues into perspective. She may be missing Rory, but at least she knew enough to miss her. Jess didn’t even remember how much he had loved Rory or she had loved him, how close he and Luke had started to get, what any part of his life was like up to a couple of weeks ago.

“I’m a horrible person,” she said suddenly. “You know, I was sitting out here contemplating how I was going to face your uncle? How I could possibly walk into that diner and ask a man who’s so worried about his nephew’s health and trying to figure our his marriage and running his business, who has been nothing but the best friend I could ever ask for all these years, and just ask him for money.”

Jess felt like his head was spinning after that particular speech.

“Wait a second,” he said, fixating on one point that had him particularly confused. “Uncle Luke is married?”

“Oh,” said Lorelai, realising what she had revealed. “Well, yeah. Kind of. It’s complicated. Great, Lorelai. Add another screw up to the pile. God, I’m doing so well today.”

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. Anything you say is probably going to be news to me, remember?” said Jess, finding her a smile. “And whatever happened with us before, you’ve been nothing but nice to me as far back as I can remember, so I don’t wanna see you upset.”

Lorelai smiled too and shook her head.

“You should’ve been like this the first time we met. Things would’ve gone a whole lot smoother.”

“Yeah?” asked Jess, finding that interesting. “Was I that bad?”

“No, not super bad, just... well, how far did you get in your movie education with Rory?”

“Not far. Just Almost Famous and The Godfather. I haven’t seen her since last Saturday either.”

“Huh. Well, put The Breakfast Club on your list for the next time,” said Lorelai, patting him on the knee as she stood up. “In the meantime, I’m going home, get my head straight. There’s a chance Rory will be there by now. You wanna come with?”

“That’s kind of where I was headed when I ran into you actually.”

“Come on. I’ll give you a ride” said Lorelai, gesturing for him to follow as she walked over to the Jeep.

She certainly had given Jess a lot to think about. He made a mental note about The Breakfast Club, wondering what the movie could really have to do with him. He wasn’t sure he had seen it amongst the tapes at home, so he’d probably have to ask Rory about it.

On the way to the house, Lorelai’s radio blared some rock station, and though Jess had no idea who The Clash were from the name, the beat had him tapping his feet and somehow the lyrics just came out of his mouth.

“Hey. Houston, we have a memory!” Lorelai declared happily. “That’s cool. If you’re going to remember anyone, remember Joe Strummer, that’s what I say. Oh, he’s the co-founder and lead singer of The Clash, or he was. He died a couple of years ago, some heart thing. I’m still not over it.”

Jess nodded along, not sure what he was supposed to do with any of that information, wondering once again how much of it he knew once, before his memory upped and left.

Before long, Lorelai pulled the car up onto the drive, and both she and Jess spotted Rory sat on the porch, apparently crying her eyes out. Something very weird was going on with the Gilmore girls today.

Hopping out of the car, Lorelai ran to her daughter and Jess followed a pace behind. He could hardly make out the words Rory was saying as she clung to her mother, sobbing terribly. Something about dropping a class, maybe, but he couldn’t really tell. All he knew was his heart was breaking at the sign of Rory’s tears. This was the only thing worse than seeing Lorelai cry, Jess thought.

“I should probably get out of your way,” he said, turning back down the drive.

Lorelai looked awkward. “Oh, Jess. I could drive you-”

“No, thanks. It’s cool,” he assured her. “You take care of her, please,” he said, nodding towards Rory, before turning on his heel and walking away fast.

Honestly, another second of seeing Rory like that, and he was going to break down too. Jess may not remember much of anything, but he knew here and now that he never, ever wanted to see the Gilmore girls cry again, especially Rory. It was the worst thing in the world to him.


	6. Chapter 6

When Rory came into the diner on Sunday morning, Jess couldn’t be more pleased to see her, especially when he realised she was smiling. After all the crying amongst the Gilmore girls on Friday night, he had steered clear all day Saturday, sure they would want to be alone together without interference. In his spare time, Jess had taken the opportunity to question Luke about a certain wife he was apparently hiding somewhere.

“That’s... Don’t worry about that,” said Luke, literally waving away Jess’ question about why he never met his aunt. “She’s not... well, I guess, by marriage, she is your aunt, but it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Who’s worried?” Jess had shrugged. “I was just a little confused when Lorelai started talking about you and your marriage is all.”

Luke sighed and started messing with his hat then, which Jess had fast come to realise meant he was really, really uncomfortable. It was why he dropped the subject, and yet, after a few minutes of silence, Luke seemed to decide to give an explanation anyway.

“I met Nicole last year, we dated, we got married on a boat. Don’t ask, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now we’re trying to make an actual relationship work, or we’re supposed to be, but then your accident happened and... I don’t know, I just don’t have the time and space for everything right now.”

On that note, he had left the apartment to go work some more and by the time he came back, it seemed the topic was closed. Jess hadn’t mentioned Nicole again or asked any further questions. Clearly, she didn’t live with Luke, despite their being married, and for whatever reason, neither of them seemed to be trying too hard to make their relationship work. Jess hoped he wasn’t a factor in that, though he had a feeling his car wreck hadn’t helped matters. For now, he was letting that particular matter lie.

Now, here was Sunday, and the Gilmore girls had arrived. Life was already looking up.

“Hey,” he greeted them both with a smile he was glad to see them return. “Everybody’s a whole lot happier than the last time I saw you.”

“Yeah, Friday night, not a good night for the Gilmore girls,” Lorelai agreed. “Although, after all the pitiful crying, we did sound so awful that my parents bought the fact we were both sick with the stomach flu and let us skip dinner at their house.”

“Cool,” said Jess, though honestly, he didn’t really know exactly why that was relevant. “Er, coffee?”

“In an IV,” said Lorelai, patting her wrist. “On top of everything else, we need to shop. We’re completely out of coffee.”

“Geez, things are bad,” Jess sympathised, filling two large cups with coffee. “You feeling better today too?” he asked Rory then.

“Yes, thank you,” she told him, taking a long drink. “I’m so sorry about Friday. I was such a mess.”

“It’s fine. Everybody’s allowed to get upset sometimes, right?”

“Right,” she agreed. “It’s just, and this is going to sound so pathetic, I know, but they told me at Yale that I need to drop a class because I wasn’t coping with my workload, and they’re right, I know they are. I need to give myself a break, it’s just... it seemed so stupid. I felt stupid.”

“Honey, you are never, ever stupid,” Lorelai assured her. “You just take too much on sometimes, that’s all. Like you said, you need to give yourself a break.”

“I know.” Rory nodded. “And I will. It’s being figured out, and I’m learning to be calm about it.”

“So, you’re both okay?” Jess checked, casting a significant look Lorelai’s way.

He really wasn’t sure if Rory even realised how upset her mom had been before they found her on the porch, or if he was supposed to mention it at all. When she smiled at his question and patted his hand on the counter, he figured he hadn’t screwed up.

“I’m good. Thank you, Jess,” she told him. “And thank you for Friday too. You were a hero.”

Jess didn’t know what to say to that, so he just nodded his head in acknowledgement and moved out around the counter to top up coffees for other customers.

“Oh my God!” Rory gasped the moment he was out of earshot. “Did he just blush?”

“I think so,” Lorelai agreed, giggling some.

“And did you really just call him a hero and touch his hand or did I just hallucinate?”

“Nope, that happened. Seriously, he was such a sweetheart Friday night. I was kind of stressed out even before I got to you, and wow, I haven’t see you cry like that since you realised Beth March really was going to die.”

“She was so young and the best of all the sisters,” said Rory sadly.

“Anyway, I was stressed out, got myself a little upset in the town square when along comes Jess and he’s all sympathetic, putting his arm around me and everything, it was totally freaky, but actually kind of sweet too.”

“He can be sweet. I always told you that,” Rory insisted.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Lorelai nodded. “I just never saw that side of him, I guess. Now it’s like that’s the only side he has,” she said, sneaking a look over her shoulder. “Luke did always say a lot of Jess’ issues were from the way Liz acted and his father abandoning him and everything. If he doesn’t remember any of that, I guess he would be different.”

“The true essence of Jess,” said Rory with a smile. “Well, almost. I have to admit, I miss some of the snark.”

“You would.” Lorelai rolled her eyes.

“Hey,” said Luke as he appeared then. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Why would it not be okay?” she asked, just a little too quickly.

“I don’t know.” Luke shrugged. “Jess mentioned you were a little upset on Friday is all. Both of you,” he noted. “I’m guessing everything’s fine now?”

“Absolutely fine,” Rory assured him.

“Peachy keen, jelly bean,” Lorelai threw in, laughing overly much at her own joke.

“Right.” Luke frowned some at the weirdness of her behaviour, which was definitely higher up the strange scale than usual, and that was really saying something. “So, you guys want food?”

“Er, if there’s still a Catholic Pope and bears are using the woods as a bathroom, then yeah!” said Lorelai loudly.

“Bacon, eggs, pancakes, and more coffee please, Luke,” said Rory, holding out her cup that was already empty.

“Twice,” her mom agreed, pushing her own cup up next to Rory’s own.

“Coming up,” Luke promised, gesturing for Jess to come back with the coffee pot and then yelling to Caesar about the food.

“Damn it!” Lorelai cursed as her cell rang in her pocket and Luke turned back around to order her out of the diner if she was taking a call. “It’s Sookie, I gotta take it, but I’ll be fast,” she told Rory, running to the door.

“I swear your mom is related to the Energizer bunny,” said Jess as he came over to fill the cups with coffee again.

“You should see her at seven in the morning.” Rory grinned. “Way less Energizer Bunny, a lot more Sid the Sloth.”

Jess laughed at that, emptying the last of the coffee into Lorelai’s cup and turning around to fix another pot.

“So, now you’re dropping that one class, does that mean a little less intense studying?” he asked Rory over his shoulder. “Because you seemed to be hitting the books in a big way this past week.”

“Yeah, it was getting a little crazier, but I think I’ll be able to get a better handle on it now,” she explained. “Yale’s been such a big adjustment, and then with... well, honestly, you being in the hospital was kind of a distraction.”

“Sorry about that. Next time, I’ll try to time my accidents in vacation time,” he told her, wearing the most wicked smirk when he turned to look at her again.

“You’re hilarious,” she said flatly.

“Apparently,” he countered. “Seriously though, if what happened with me has affected your school stuff-”

“It hasn’t,” said Rory quickly. “Well, it did, a little, but I really needed to get things figured out anyway. Dropping a class will be good for me in the long term. Besides, I should make sure I have free time to spend with family and friends. Everybody has to relax sometimes.”

“Agreed,” said Jess, coming to lean on the counter close to Rory. “So, I don’t know what plans you have for today, but Luke was talking about closing up early. You want to hang out? Maybe watch another movie?”

“Oh, sure. We could do that,” said Rory. “Um, my mom will probably be at our house, but-,”

“You guys can hang out here if you want,” said Luke, clearly having heard at least the last part of their conversation. “I need to head over to Litchfield anyway. It’s half the reason I’m closing up early. The apartment’s yours if you want it.”

Jess looked to Rory and was glad to see her nod in agreement to the idea.

“You have a movie in mind?” she asked. “Because I can run to the video store and pick something up on my way home, if you want?”

“How about The Breakfast Club?” said Jess thoughtfully.

“Random,” Rory noted, “but also a classic. The Breakfast Club it is. Call me when you close up and I’ll come over.”

“Okay,” Jess agreed, smiling widely, before excusing himself to go serve other customers again.

Lorelai came rushing back to her seat, immediately noticing the big grin her daughter was wearing too.

“Wow. Is there actually a hanger in your mouth?”

“I can be happy. Would you rather I went back to sad?”

“Of course not, but is there a particular reason for this certain smile you’re wearing.”

“Maybe,” said Rory, refusing to explain further it seemed. “Oh, I need to swing by the video store on the way home, and then, after the diner closes early, I’m coming over to watch a movie with Jess.”

“Another movie date, huh?” said Lorelai with a look. “Which movie?”

“The Breakfast Club.”

Lorelai laughed loudly at that. Rory didn’t even bother to ask why. Her mom really was acting strange today.

* * *

Rory wasn’t sure if it felt more or less weird to be sharing the couch with Jess at the diner apartment watching a movie. She didn’t recall ever watching The Breakfast Club with Jess before, but she sure remembered this couch and the other things they had done on it. Just thinking of it now made her blush seven shades of red. She only hoped Jess was paying enough attention to the TV that he didn’t notice.

They ate enough popcorn to sink a battlecruiser whilst they watched, laughing at the funny points, Rory welling up at the sad parts, and both smiling by the end as Judd Nelson raised his fist to the sky to the strains of Simple Minds’ ‘Don’t You Forget About Me.’

“See, I told you. A classic,” said Rory, looking at Jess for the first time in a while, and finding a strange expression on his face. “Jess?”

“Was I like that?” he asked, turning to look at her.

They were both leaned back against the couch cushions, and both of them making a point of turning their heads to each other put them practically nose to nose. They couldn’t help but notice, and yet neither moved away at all.

“Were you...?” asked Rory, confused by the question as well as disorientated by the closeness.

“When I talked to Lorelai the other day, she said something about me and her not getting along so well, before the accident,” he explained. “She said I was different, and that I should watch The Breakfast Club for further explanation. Since the geek is annoying but pretty inoffensive and the wrestler ought to be a mother’s dream guy for her daughter, I’m guessing I was the criminal.”

“You weren’t a criminal,” said Rory quickly. “You got into a little trouble here and there, but-”

“I didn’t mean literally a criminal,” said Jess quickly. “Not that I’d know if I was, but the attitude problem, the family issues, the asshole kid that ragged on everything because he didn’t belong to anything or with anyone. Was that me?”

Rory swallowed hard and wondered what was giving her more trouble right now, answering the question or the feeling that the right one was going to lead to something really serious happening here. She shuddered at the delightful memories that ran through her head, hating that she was the only one recalling them, then her mind shot back to the question Jess had asked and she felt sick.

“Jess, you... you were different,” she admitted. “Not very different. I mean, you’re still you in so many ways, but... yes, you did have some issues with your parents, and you could be snarky and sarcastic sometimes. You liked pranks and... and you didn’t have a lot of time for authority figures,” she admitted, finding herself smiling a little too much at the memories, “but you were never a bad guy. You were never all out nasty like John Bender could be. You might be a little like him, but never that bad.”

“Huh,” said Jess, looking into her eyes, drowning in the blue of them and not caring at all. “I’m almost sorry you said that.”

“Why?”

“The bad guy got the beautiful girl in the end,” he said, smirking slightly. “Gotta be worth being the criminal if it means you get the princess, right?”

Rory almost couldn’t hear his words by the end. Her heart was pounding so hard, it was practically deafening. Jess moved closer and it didn’t occur to her to back up at all, and then he was kissing her and it was all too wonderfully familiar to let it end. Rory just let it happen, she couldn’t help herself. It was so easy to let her mind be as empty as Jess’ own memory had become. Forget all the bad that happened, focus on how much she liked him and he liked her. How in love they must’ve been, though the words had never been spoken, not in those days, the heady high school days of teasing each other with books and making out on the couch when the grown-ups weren’t around.

Rory’s brain caught up with her body very quickly when she recalled they weren’t kids in high school anymore. Things had moved on, Jess left her, broke her heart. Sure, he didn’t remember now, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t happened. She pulled away fast, scrambling to her feet in order to put some real distance between herself and him. He looked shocked that she was suddenly gone from his arms, and then just oddly confused.

“Rory, I-”

“No,” she cut in fast. “No, I just... I need to go.”

The next second she had her jacket and bag in her hands, running out of the door as if her life depended on the escape. Jess was left to stare after her, wondering what the hell just happened. Somehow, he had a feeling that probably wasn’t the first time he had kissed Rory Gilmore. He also really hoped it wouldn’t be the last.


	7. Chapter 7

“Damn it!” Jess cursed as the plates went crashing to the ground.

The diner went deathly silent in the moments that followed and he was not amused to find everybody staring at him. Luke grabbed the broom and got in Jess’ way before he got his hand close to the broken china.

“Leave it,” he said, literally pushing him away. “I’ll clean it up. You go upstairs. Everybody else, eat, drink, talk, do whatever it is you were doing!” he commanded. “Nothing to see here.”

The did as they were told, because the people of Stars Hollow usually knew better than to do anything else where Luke was concerned. He ran the gamut from grumpy to all out mean sometimes, and that was on a good day. Jess could be worse, at least until his accident. Without his memories, he was actually more pleasant than he’d ever been before, at least for a while.

Luke knew it too. He couldn’t help but notice the change in Jess, how he was suddenly as moody and quick to anger in the last few days as he had been when he first came to Stars Hollow at the age of seventeen. He asked him several times what was wrong, but Jess said it was nothing, or blamed it on frustration at his lack of memories. Luke wasn’t buying that anymore.

“Caesar!” he called into the kitchen as soon as the clean-up was done. “I’ll be ten minutes. You’re in charge!”

He didn’t even wait for the reply, just pelted up the stairs to the apartment, where he found Jess, pacing the room like a caged animal.

“Okay, something is the matter with you, and neither of us is leaving this room until you tell me what it is,” said Luke definitely, “and do not think you are going to get away with telling me your missing memories are bothering you, because it is more than that,” he said, pointing a finger at Jess.

“You have no idea,” his nephew countered, finally stopping the pacing but not looking any more calm than before.

“No, I don’t,” Luke agreed, “which is why I’m asking you to tell me what the hell is going on? I can understand you being frustrated, but the first couple of weeks after the accident, you seemed pretty okay, then suddenly, bang, it’s like you got another knock to the head and switched personalities again. Is that what happened? Did somebody hit you in the head real hard? If I do it again, will you switch back?” he asked, only half-joking if he were honest.

“You’re cracked,” said Jess, shaking his head. “Nobody hit me. I’m just... I don’t know what I am, okay?” he admitted at last. “That’s the problem. I have no idea what kind of person I am or how I’m supposed to act or feel or anything, and I can’t ask Rory because she won’t return my calls.”

Luke reeled back like maybe he was the one who just got hit that time. He couldn’t believe how stupid he had been about this. Whenever Jess had been in a mood this bad before, it had almost always stemmed from his feelings for Rory. Memory or no, one thing that definitely hadn’t changed about Jess, as far as Luke could tell, was his affection for the younger of the Gilmore girls. He really should’ve figured this out sooner.

“Jess, you know, Rory’s at Yale. She’s busy. I’m sure she’ll get back to you when she can.”

“Yeah, maybe,” said Jess, laughing painfully, “or maybe she’s decided she doesn’t want to be anywhere near me anymore after what happened last Sunday, but I can’t tell because I don’t remember anything about how things were with me and her before my stupid car ran into that stupid barrier!”

By the end of his fairly impressive rant, Jess had both hands pushed into his hair and the most desperately frustrated look on his face. Luke felt just awful for him, wishing he could make it better, but the truth was, he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to fill in the blanks for Jess, he could never give him all the information he needed. Sure, he could let his nephew know that he dated Rory, but the ups and downs of the relationship were details Luke was not well-versed in. The only person who could really help Jess to feel better was Rory, and if she wasn’t talking, it seemed there was no way forward, at least not for now.

“Okay, one point of curiosity,” he said eventually, raising his hand as if wanting to ask a question in class until he had Jess’ attention. “What did happen last Sunday? Anything I should know about?”

Jess let out a long breath as his arms dropped to his sides. Honestly, he did not want to have this conversation with his uncle, but if he didn’t, well, it was going to drive him even further around the bend that it already had. He had to talk to someone, and Luke seemed like he wanted to help, no matter what.

“You know Rory came over to watch a movie with me?”

“Sure, I remember that.”

“We got talking afterwards, and then... and then she kissed me.”

“She kissed you?”

“Or maybe I kissed her. Does it matter which? We kissed, okay, and then she ran out of here so fast it was as if somebody lit her on fire, and since then, every time I call her, voicemail. I left all these messages, but she never calls back.”

Eyes on the floor, shoulders sagging, Jess was the poster boy for sad teen boy in unrequited love. Luke really wished he knew what to say for the best, but he didn’t. To tell Jess that he and Rory used to date, that it ended badly, that was as likely to make matters worse as anything else. It had to be better for the two of them to figure it all out for themselves, but clearly Rory was having as hard a time with it all as Jess was, or she would’ve called him back by now, busy with school or not.

“Oh, Jess,” he said at last. “I wish I knew what to tell you, but women are complicated,” he told his nephew with a look. “Relationships, romance, the whole horrible mess of feelings and crap, it’s just... it’s never easy.”

“And tougher than ever when you don’t remember the stuff that came before,” he said, sighing one more time. “Me and Rory, there’s history there, right?”

“There’s history,” Luke confirmed, nodding his head, “but honestly? The best person to fill in any blanks for you would be Rory herself. It’s really not my place to wade into whatever you two had, or have.”

Jess nodded that he understood that, but it didn’t really make him feel any better. Luke had only confirmed what he already suspected, that he and Rory were more to each other than friends at some point. He had a feeling it ended badly, and maybe it was his fault. Jess just wished he remembered, so he could apologise or try to fix things somehow. He had been over and over it in his head, all the possible scenarios of what they might’ve had and how it could’ve gone wrong. It had to have gone wrong somewhere, somehow, or Rory wouldn’t have bolted after that kiss. She also would have told him before if they were more than friends in a present tense rather than a past one, he was sure.

“You think I should go to Yale?” he asked Luke then.

“I guess you could,” his uncle considered, “but honestly? If she’s there, she’s probably busy. Might be best to give her some time, some space. You know, as weird as this amnesia is for you, it’s hard on her too, for a lot of reasons.”

“I know.”

Luke nodded once more and then said he really ought to get back to the diner before Caesar had a meltdown. He offered Jess to take the rest of the day off, if he wanted to, they could cope without him downstairs. His nephew didn’t answer at first, but Luke thought he heard a vague ‘thanks’ when he finally left and went back downstairs. He found Lorelai at the counter, giving her order to Caesar.

“Hey, there you are,” she said, smiling widely. “Everything okay?”

“It’s fine. Jess is just having a hard time today,” he explained.

“Oh, that sucks,” she said, clearly trying to be sympathetic and yet her smile remained in place. “I do mean that, I swear, I’m just really, really psyched and loving a whole lot that you’re helping me out like this,” she told Luke, grinning yet.

“I’m getting that impression, yeah,” he agreed, pouring her the coffee he just knew she wanted. “So, is this always going to be how you look at me now? With the scary clown grin?”

“Hey, this is not a scary clown grin, mister! This is happy, grateful face. So, so happy, and so, so, grateful,” she said, her hand over his on the counter as she met his eyes. “Seriously, Luke. Happy and grateful.”

“I get it,” he promised her, “but you don’t have to keep on telling me. I’m giving you a loan because you need it, and when your inn is doing well, which I know it will, you’ll pay me back.”

“Absolutely,” she confirmed. “Hence the happy and-”

“Lorelai. Stop,” he urged her.

“Fine, I’ll stop,” she promised, sitting down on the stool and picking up her coffee cup to take a long sip. “Doesn’t make it not true though.”

“I know,” he assured her. “So, I wanted to ask you about Rory. Is she doing okay?”

“She’s fine,” Lorelai said definitely. “Less stressed about Yale since the whole class dropping thing. Working hard last I heard.”

“That’s good. You talk to her much this week?”

“A little, but we’re still both pretty busy so maybe not so much as usual. Why?”

“She mention Jess at all?”

“Um, no, not that I remember, which is actually a little weird now that I think about it.”

“Maybe not so weird,” said Luke, looking around to make sure no-one was listening.

Lorelai hunched over the counter some more as Luke dropped his voice some to continue speaking. Clearly there was something going on.

“Last weekend, when Rory came over to watch a movie with Jess, there was some... lip-on-lip activity, if you know what I mean.”

Lorelai gasped. “Wow. I cannot believe she did not tell me that!”

“Well, Jess wasn’t exactly forthcoming in telling me either, it’s just, well, he hasn’t been himself this week and today it got too much, I yelled, he yelled, and then the truth came out. They kissed, apparently, Rory ran, and he hasn’t heard from her since.”

“Geez, as if this whole thing wasn’t complicated enough already!” said Lorelai, taking another long drink from her cup, because she really needed it. “So, how much does he know about what happened before?”

“Not much.” Luke shook his head. “Far as I can tell, he doesn’t even know that he and Rory ever dated, but he guessed that much, and I couldn’t lie when he asked me.”

“So, he knows they were together, he knows they’re not now. God, I never thought I’d see the day when I’d feel bad for Jess after I just heard he got his lips on my daughter, again!” she said, shaking her head. “I should talk to Rory.”

“Yeah, I was hoping maybe you would. I don’t know what to say to Jess. The ups and downs of their relationship is not something I want to dive into. The only person who can really tell Jess what happened, all the details and everything-”

“Is Rory,” Lorelai finished for him. “Yep, bet that’ll be a fun conversation, but I guess it’s going to have to happen at some point. It’s not fair on Jess to leave him in the dark, though I can understand why Rory let it lie. It was easier to start over, I guess.”

“I guess so,” Luke agreed, “at least until the kissing started again.”

Lorelai made a face at the imagery flashing behind her eyes. She had seen the show first-hand the last time around, and she really didn’t need to be thinking about it now. When Jess came back to Stars Hollow and proclaimed his love for Rory, she had started to wonder what that might mean for the future. After the accident, everything was more than a little up in the air. Now they had entered a new phase of the Rory and Jess relationship, and it was as undefined as it had ever been.

The moment Luke’s back was turned, Lorelai pulled out her cell and quickly typed out a text message to her daughter.

‘Call me the minute you’re free. We need to talk about you kissing boys and not telling mommy!’

Shoving her phone back into her purse, Lorelai took a long drink from her coffee cup. Somehow, she had a feeling she was going to need to be extra caffeinated before Rory got around to calling her back.


	8. Chapter 8

“So, basically, we kissed and then I freaked out and ran,” said Rory, staring into her Orange Julius like it might hold the answers to life, the universe, and everything. “He’s been calling a lot since and... and I may have been ignoring him.”

“Oh, Rory.” Lorelai sighed. “I mean, I know my opinion of Jess has always been pretty low, and for good reasons, but you can’t just blank the guy, not now. For once, this situation is not his fault.”

“I know.” Rory sighed, pushing her drink away across the food court table. “I don’t want to be so cruel, you know that’s not like me, but...”

“But?” Lorelai prompted when no further words came.

“Things are complicated,” said Rory sadly. “Really complicated.”

“I’m sorry, there was a time with you and Jess when things weren’t?”

Rory knew her mother had a point. The same as last night when she found the voicemail telling her to call Lorelai without delay to talk about the kissing of Jess. It was way too late in the day for that kind of serious conversation when she came across the message, so the Gilmore girls both decided to play hooky at the mall today and talk it all out amongst pretzels and window shopping. So far, there had been a lot of avoidance of the point and very little talking it out, until now.

“Tell me what you’re feeling, hon,” said Lorelai, her hand on Rory’s arm.

“I don’t know,” her daughter told her honestly, shaking her head. “I mean, he’s Jess, and I can’t just... I liked him so much, I... I’m pretty sure I loved him, but then he left and it was so hard to get over him. I’m not exactly sure I ever did. Then when he came back and said he loved me, that was just... I couldn’t even process.”

“And you never really had the time to try before that piece of junk car took a slip and slide, and bam, Amnesiac Mariano.”

Rory closed her eyes and willed away the images that danced through her brain every time Jess’ accident was mentioned. He lost his memory and that was bad, but it could’ve been so much worse. Nightmares had haunted her for days after it happened, all the what ifs. It made her think more clearly about her feelings for Jess, how devastated she would’ve been if the worst had happened.

“He could’ve died,” she said aloud, looking at her mom. “Instead of losing his memory, Jess could’ve been killed in that crash. Instead he has no memory of anything, and obviously, that’s better than dead, but it must be so hard on him.”

“Rory, sweetie, you can’t be with somebody out of pity or just because you’re glad they’re not dead. Hell, I’m glad Jess isn’t dead, I feel sorry for him, but that doesn’t mean I love the guy.”

“That’s just it. I don’t think that’s what I’m feeling,” Rory confessed. “I mean, yeah, I do feel bad for him and I am glad he’s okay, physically, but... but it’s more than that. It’s more than just caring about a person I know. I still really like him. I... I do love him,” she confessed, finding a smile at the very thought.

It was true, she was sure of it now. When they were together before, she had been pretty certain too, though it was easier not to say so. Jess wasn’t the type for love confessions, at least Rory hadn’t thought so until that night a couple of weeks ago when suddenly he said the words. He had to have felt the same way she did, even before. Maybe they had both been in love this whole time and were just so dumb to admit it, even to themselves.

“Okay,” said Lorelai after a few moments pause. “So, you didn’t run because you didn’t want Jess to kiss you, you ran because you did want him to?”

“I think so,” said Rory, looking pained now. 

Lorelai felt similarly afflicted. “Okay, help Mommy out,” she urged her. “You love Jess but you don’t want him to kiss you because..?”

“Because it’s not that easy,” Rory tried to explain. “I would love for it to be that easy, but it’s not. It’s like... It’s like playing pretend.”

“Maybe for you, hon, but not for Jess,” Lorelai reminded her. “This is all he knows. Everything you guys have said and done in the last three weeks or so, that’s all the data he has to go on. Of course, if you tell him the rest...”

“No,” said Rory definitely, shaking her head. “No, that’s not fair. I know technically he is the same person, but without the memories of what he did and why, he can’t fix what he doesn’t remember breaking.”

Rory half-expected her mom to argue with that but Lorelai stayed silent. She had to realise that Rory was making a completely valid point.

“Maybe we can just start over, a clean slate. Maybe it’s for the best.”

“It might be, for Jess,” Lorelai agreed, “but is it for you?”

“I think so.” Rory nodded. “I’ve had time to think about it, and I want to try. I really do.”

“But you didn’t tell him yet.”

Another heavy sigh escaped Rory’s lips, and just when she was starting to look and feel more chipper about the whole situation too.

“He’s going to want to know why I ran,” she said, one hand pushing her hair back off her forehead.

“So, tell him the truth.” Lorelai shrugged, taking a long drink from her coffee cup and making a face when she found it mostly cold. “You freaked out.”

“Yes, but because of what happened before,” she reminded her. “Jess doesn’t even know we dated,” she said, wondering at the look on her mother’s face then. “Does he?”

“Kind of,” Lorelai confessed awkwardly. “He asked Luke, and Luke couldn’t lie.”

“Great!” said Rory, her hand slamming down onto the table.

This whole situation was getting messier by the second.

“Hey, come on. It’s not Luke’s fault,” Lorelai told her.

“I know,” Rory agreed. “I just... it’s so messy!”

“Again, when was it not?” Lorelai noted, racking her brains for a way to help Rory out with this but unable to think of anything useful as yet.

“Okay,” said Rory eventually. “So, I ran because I freaked out, because we have history, but now we’ll draw a line and start over. That makes sense, right?”

Lorelai so wanted to tell her no. A large part of her wanted to advise her baby girl to run screaming from the guy who had hurt her so much. Unfortunately, she knew that was never going to work. Even without Jess’ accident in play, Lorelai knew the moment the little punk set foot back in the Hollow that things hadn’t changed for Rory. For all that he was and all that he’d done, Jess still had Rory’s heart in his hands. She loved him. Maybe Rory hadn’t known her own feelings, but Lorelai did.

Rory loved Jess, and if any version of the guy was going to be good enough for her, it might just be the one that existed now, the polite decent young man that had tried to comfort Lorelai when she cried and obeyed his uncle’s rules without a fuss. He sure was easier to have around than the smart-mouth brat that Lorelai met a couple of years ago, that was for sure.

“If it makes you happy, hon,” she said eventually, “then do it. I’m done fighting this thing with you and Jess.”

“Really?” her daughter checked, clearly a little taken aback by the change of heart.

“Hey, if I didn’t know how much you liked him when he was here before, which I did, I sure knew after he left, and with the accident and all...” She stopped and shook her head. “You care a lot about him, sweets, and honestly? For all that he’s done in the past, I’m starting to believe he really does love you too.”

“He doesn’t remember that,” said Rory sadly.

“He doesn’t have to,” said Lorelai with certainty, her hand on her daughter’s arm as she met her eyes. “He feels it. I’ve seen the two of you together, talking in the diner and stuff, and... well, that kind of thing is more than memories.”

Rory smiled even as tears seemed to well in her eyes. She wanted to believe that Jess still loved her, somehow, but it seemed impossible. Now her mom was saying all this and she felt maybe it could be true. Maybe it wasn’t so crazy to start over like this, because she really, really wanted to.

“Can we go home now?”

“Yes, we can,” Lorelai agreed, moving to get up.

No sooner had they begun to head for the exit than Rory stopped.

“Oh, I just need to get one thing before we go.”

* * *

The diner was quiet. Luke said he was going to take the opportunity to run through some paperwork and so was sat at one end of the counter near the cash register doing just that, whilst Jess stood a few feet away, refilling salt and pepper shakers. It never occurred to Jess to ask what the paperwork was. He assumed it had to do with the diner, at least until he saw Luke sign his name and fold the pile of papers in half.

“Well, that’s that, I guess.”

“What’s that?” asked Jess, shaking his head.

“This right here,” said his uncle, wandering over with the papers in his hand. “This is my divorce from Nicole.”

“Wow,” said Jess, realising too late that he was now tipping salt all over the counter in his shock. “Sorry.”

“It’s just salt,” Luke told him, helping him clean up.

“I didn’t mean that,” his nephew assured him. “I meant your marriage.”

“Wasn’t much of a marriage,” Luke shrugged. “And it has nothing to do with you or your accident, okay? I know you had it in your head that you were keeping me from Nicole or whatever, but the truth is you were just a great excuse. I didn’t really want to be in Litchfield or with her, I... it was dumb to even try,” he grumbled, cleaning up the last of the spilled salt and tossing a little over his left shoulder out of habit - his mother always did it. “Me and Nicole, it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Huh,” said Jess, looking up at his uncle then. “So, you and Lorelai?” he tried, just as the bell sounded at the door.

Both Luke and Jess turned as one to see Rory and Lorelai walking in together, laughing at something or other.

“Shut up,” said Luke urgently, before greeting the Gilmore girls with a wide smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” replied Lorelai.

“Hi,” said Rory to Luke and the again to Jess, who replied in kind.

Luke and Lorelai both rolled their eyes in unison, though the other two didn’t seem to notice at all.

“You girls okay?” asked Luke, hoping to get away from the word ‘hi’ for a while.

“We played hooky today,” Lorelai explained with a grin. “We hit the mall, talked some, did a little window shopping,” she said, pulling herself up onto a stool. “It was fun.”

“That’s good,” said Luke, pouring her out a large cup of coffee and another for Rory too.

“How’re you doing, Jess?” asked Lorelai then, watching him as he paid very close attention to the salt shakers.

“I’m doing okay, thanks,” he told her, sparing her the slightest glance before he went back to the task at hand.

Rory shared a look with her mother and then looked back at Jess.

“I... I’m sorry I haven’t called you,” she said, leaning over the counter some. “I’ve been busy.”

“Huh,” said Jess, not even glancing up.

There was no way he needed to give that much rapt attention to salt.

“You’re mad at me.” Rory sighed.

“Nope,” Jess told her, screwing the last lid back on.

“Really?”

The salt shaker slammed too hard onto the counter as Jess looked up then. He wasn’t happy and they both knew, but here wasn’t the place for this conversation. There may not be many people in the diner, but any at all was too many, especially in Stars Hollow.

“Can we talk now, please?” Rory asked Jess. “Maybe upstairs?”

“Luke?” he checked with his uncle.

“Sure, it’s fine,” he agreed, nodding his head. He watched the pair disappear behind the curtain and heard their feet on the stairs, then looked back at Lorelai. “Give me a hint,” he urged her.

Lorelai swallowed a large mouthful of coffee then replaced her cup on the counter.

“Rory wants to start over with Jess,” she explained in a low voice, mindful of anyone overhearing. “She was just feeling a little mixed up about it.”

Luke nodded in understanding. “Is she gonna tell him about before?” he checked, leaning over the counter towards Lorelai.

“Nope, only that they were together and then they weren’t, and that she wants to start fresh.”

“Really? And you agree with that?”

“It’s not my choice.” Lorelai shrugged. “I just want her happy, Luke. It’s all I ever wanted. I think maybe this version of Jess can manage that.”

Luke sighed. “Geez, I hope so.”

His eyes went up towards the ceiling, wondering what might be said or done in the apartment above. The truth was, not very much in that moment.

Once Rory walked through the door, she looked left to Jess’ bed and then right to the couch, knowing neither direction would be a good place to go. Instead she walked straight ahead and perched on the edge of the kitchen table. Jess hovered awkwardly, half way between the door and her. Rory knew she had to start this, because he had nothing to go on.

“So, the other day,” she said eventually, eyes going to the floor. “I’m sorry I ran out on you.”

“I’m sorry too,” said Jess, getting her attention back in an instant. “I thought we were on the same page-”

“We were,” Rory cut in. “We are, I... Jess, you and me, it’s happened before. Not just the kissing, we were... we dated,” she said honestly. “It was a while ago and it didn’t work out.”

“I figured,” he agreed, coming a little closer. “I’m just wondering why you never told me before, why you’ve been ignoring my calls and leaving me in the dark.”

“Because I didn’t know how to handle it,” Rory confessed. “It’s so weird, with me knowing everything and you remembering nothing. In some ways, I hate it. In other ways, I almost wish I could forget too.”

Jess didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that and it showed on his face. How could he know when he didn’t recall any of what went before? As Luke had rightly said, the only way he could know exactly what occurred between him and Rory was to ask her, but he was almost afraid to.

“I’m guessing I screwed up,” he said after a while. “What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter now,” Rory told him, shaking her head. “It’s not important anymore.”

“Would it be important if I remembered?” asked Jess, all of three feet away from her now.

“Maybe,” Rory admitted, knowing she couldn’t lie, not now. “I don’t know, but the fact is you don’t remember, and I don’t want to remember,” she reminded him, stepping forward to all but completely close the gap between them. “It’s done, forgotten.”

“Literally in my case,” he noted with a smirk that she was so pleased to see.

“It’s a chance to start over Jess. A blank page, a new beginning,” said Rory, smiling widely as she reached for his hand. “Don’t you want to start again with me?”

It felt strange to hear her say ‘start again,’ not knowing how it all went last time. Jess thought about insisting that she tell him everything, but that was a gamble. She could still refuse and walk away from him into the bargain. Jess didn’t know so much lately, but he knew he wanted Rory around as much as possible, that he liked her more than a little, that he probably loved her already.

“Yeah,” he said eventually. “Yes, I want to be with you, Rory.”

She let out a breath she had hardly known she was holding. “Right answer,” she told him.

They were so close and the moment was too perfect, it was pure instinct that brought them together in a sweet kiss. This time, there was no confusion, no panic, no running. They both knew where they stood now. They both wanted this to happen.

“Now,” said Rory when they finally parted, “to mark this new beginning, I bought you a gift,” she said, turning back towards the table where her bag was lying.

“You bought me a getting-back-together gift before we had this conversation? You must’ve been pretty confident.”

“Hopeful more than confident,” Rory explained, presenting him with a bag bearing the logo of a bookstore on the side. “For you.”

“Thanks,” said Jess, pulling the book out and reading the title. “Oliver Twist?

“Trust me, Dodger,” she told him, planting one more kiss on his cheek and moving towards the door. “I’ll call you when I get back to Yale. I promise!”

Jess didn’t even get a chance to react before she was gone, but there was a smile on his face a mile wide. He had no idea what went wrong with him and Rory the last time, but he would be damned if he let anything of the kind happen this go around. Not a chance.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’m sorry, I think my hearing is failing. Did you just say that you and Jess are going on a first date this weekend?” asked Lane, eyes wide with shock.

“Those were pretty much the words I used, yup,” said Rory, nodding her head. “You know, I don’t actually think your hearing is damaged at all.”

She was grinning all over her face when she said it, and Lane found the expression infectious at first. Unfortunately, her joy was short-lived as she gave the situation further consideration.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Lane, of course I’m sure,” said Rory definitely. “I’m happy. Aren’t you happy for me that I’m happy? I’m happy about your new apartment, even though it means you’re living with two messy boys now,” she said, looking over at Brian and Zack who were deep into their video games. “No offence, guys,” she called to them, just in case they heard - the kitchen and living room were pretty much the same room after all.

“None taken,” Brian assured her. “Although my mom says I’m surprisingly neat for a guy.”

“Dude, you can so clean up after me, I won’t even mind,” Zack told him even as he pummelled his friend’s character on the TV screen.

Lane shook her head and turned her attention back to Rory.

“If you’re happy then you know I’m happy for you,” she promised, “but it’s just... well, it’s Jess. As much as you cared about him, he didn’t exactly treat you in the best way the whole time you were dating.”

“I know that,” Rory agreed, “but things are different now. Very different,” she noted with a look. “I can’t hold Jess entirely responsible for what happened, not least because he doesn’t remember any of it, and even if he did, was I the perfect girlfriend? Of course not. Nobody can be. We both made mistakes.”

“As the best friend, I feel obligated to point out that his mistakes were bigger.”

“And I love that you’re always on my side, Lane, but after everything Jess has been through, I just feel like it’s only fair to give him another chance. I want another chance too. I really think we can make it work this time.”

Lane nodded that she understood, mostly because she felt she ought to. Actually, she did kind of get it, she just wished she didn’t. It was Jess, after all.

“I’ll admit, he is nicer since the accident. Friendlier, less hostile,” she said thoughtfully, “and I guess he has suffered enough for whatever he did do, losing his memory and everything.”

“Exactly,” Rory agreed. “Karma has certainly come and bitten him in the butt for anything he did wrong to me. I couldn’t have wished this on anyone.”

“Me either,” said Lane. “So, I guess, have a good first date?” she offered then, holding up her glass of soda.

“Thanks.” Rory grinned, clinking her mismatched cup against Lane’s own. “I really do think it’ll be fun.”

The girls talked a little longer until Rory finally said she should go if she wanted to be ready on time. Jess was coming by at seven and then they would decide what they wanted to do on their date. It was tough to make plans. Jess really didn’t know what he liked to do or what Rory liked to do for that matter. The plan was then made to not have a plan, to go where the night took them. Of course, Rory still wanted to look good for the occasion and headed home to make that happen.

“Rory.”

She turned the corner from Lane’s place and ran straight into someone coming the other way. She was suspired to realise who it was.

“Dean, hi,” she said, shifting awkwardly. “Um, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” he told her, looking equally as uncomfortable if that were possible. “You?”

“Also, fine,” she opted for, even if it was a major understatement.

“You’re smiling a lot for just fine,” he noted, the same expression coming to his own face as if it were infectious.

“Oh, well. Um, I kinda have a date tonight,” she admitted then, looking everywhere but at him. “With Jess.”

“With Jess?” he echoed, shaking his head. “Wow, that’s... I guess I should’ve seen that coming.”

“Why would you say it like that?” she asked, frowning some.

“Like what?”

“As if it’s a bad thing, as if... as if I’m doing something wrong.”

“Well, you’re not doing something smart,” he told her snippily. “I’m sorry, Rory, but after what that guy did to you, to us, how can you just... how could you just act like you’re the one who forgot?”

“Because I wish I did,” she admitted. “All that stuff in the past Dean, that’s all it is, the past,” she told him earnestly. “You and I had our problems long before Jess showed up, and I’m not denying that he and I had our issues too, but that’s our business. He doesn’t remember what happened before, and like I told him, I don’t want to remember. I want to start over and he wants to be with me. I’m sorry to be harsh but how is any of this even your business?”

She wasn’t angry, because there was no need to be. Quite honestly, Rory was just genuinely curious as to why Dean thought he had a right to accuse her of anything, especially now.

“I just... I don’t want to see you get hurt again,” he said, a hand at her shoulder. “I know it’s not the same, not now I’m... now I’m married to Lindsay and everything, but I’m never going to stop caring about you.”

Rory shrugged off his hand, and shook her head.

“If you care about me, Dean, then respect my judgment and try to be happy for me, please,” she urged him. “That’s what I’ve done with you and Lindsay. Pay me the same courtesy, or just maybe leave me alone, okay?”

She moved past him then and kept on walking, even when Dean called her name behind her. Rory didn’t want to be made to feel bad for her decision to be with Jess, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let her ex make her think she was in the wrong. Sometimes she wondered why she ever dated Dean in the first place. Maybe he was different back then. Maybe it was Rory that had changed, she couldn’t be sure. All she did know was that she was very much looking forward to seeing Jess tonight and she wasn’t about to let anyone else spoil that for her.

* * *

“Jess?” Luke called as he came into the apartment.

“Hey,” his nephew replied as he emerged from the bathroom still buttoning his shirt. “Everything okay?”

“With me? Sure,” said Luke nodding his head. “I was coming to check on you actually. You feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” said Jess, wondering at the question. “There a reason why I wouldn’t be?”

“No. No, not really,” said Luke, shaking his head. “I was just checking.”

“And smiling at me like a loon,” his nephew noticed. “Seriously, Uncle Luke, what is going on?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just... well, I’m happy for you, and for Rory. You guys getting together, it was what I wanted to happen actually, and then it did and... well, it didn’t go so well.”

“I’m getting that. Not that Rory really wants to tell me what happened. Pretty sure I screwed it up, but there’s not much I can do about that now, especially since I don’t even know what it is that I did wrong,” said Jess with a sigh.

“You can not screw up this time,” Luke suggested. “I don’t think Rory’s looking for anything else.”

“That’s what she says too.”

“Then it’s gotta be true.”

Jess didn’t answer that, partly because he didn’t feel the need to, but equally because he wasn’t quite sure he believed it and so couldn’t agree. It still bothered him that Rory wouldn’t tell him what happened the last time they dated. He didn’t want to care. He certainly didn’t want to make a fight with Rory just when things were going in a really good direction, but Jess couldn’t help it. He hated all the not knowing.

“Jess, talk to me,” Luke urged him then, standing in the doorway watching him search for his wallet and fasten his watch onto his wrist.

“Nothing to talk about,” said Jess, shrugging his shoulders and keeping his eyes on the task at hand. “Can’t talk about something I don’t remember.”

“You know, you were no saint, but you certainly weren’t a monster either,” Luke promised him. “I don’t want you imagining you did anything really awful. You’re not the type to raise a hand to a woman or to take advantage.”

“Well, that’s something, I guess,” said Jess, checking his hair in the mirror a moment.

Afterwards he just stopped and stared, meeting his own eyes. It was tough enough to look at other people and try to figure out who they were, what their motives might be, if they were trustworthy or not. To look at yourself and wonder the same things, it was too weird, but Jess kept on trying. It was all he could do.

“Hey,” said Luke, suddenly appearing behind him in the glass. “You’re not a bad kid,” he promised, his hand on Jess’ shoulder. “Sure, when you came here you... well, you had kind of an attitude problem, I’m not gonna deny that, but you had your reasons.”

“Reasons that I don’t remember,” said Jess, his tone caught somewhere between pained and almost grateful. “I don’t know if that makes me a better person or just a fake.”

He turned around to face Luke then and his uncle realised that was less a statement and more of a question. Jess wanted him to say which was more true, but Luke had no idea what answer to give. He gave it some thought for a few seconds and then finally sighed.

“Jess, you’re not... you’re just you, only you don’t remember certain things,” he said, knowing he wasn’t helping much but trying all the same. “I remember I heard somewhere that when you raise a kid, half of how they turn out is nature, so their DNA and all of that stuff, and the other half is nurture, how they’re raised and everything.”

“So?” Jess prompted.

“So, you’re the same kid. Jess Mariano, product of Liz and Jimmy, my nephew,” he explained, “it’s just you don’t have the memories or the context to go with it. That makes you a little different, sure, but enough the same that you shouldn’t worry about it. I mean, come on, Rory likes you as much now as she did before. You can’t be that different, right?”

Jess wasn’t sure about that. He still wasn’t convinced that Rory would be giving him a second chance if he hadn’t had their first go around wiped from his mind. He believed this wasn’t all pity on her side, but still. He supposed if he wanted to be with her, he was just going to have to suck it up and move forward.

“Okay,” he told Luke then, nodding once. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” his uncle assured him. “Here, take this,” he said then pulling a couple of bills from his back pocket and pressing them into Jess’ hand.

“I don’t even know if we’re going out or where we’ll go,” he said, shaking his head.

“Even if you stay in, a Gilmore girl needs her food and take out can be expensive.”

Jess nodded that he understood and smiled at the same time. “Thanks, Uncle Luke.”

“Go on, get out of here,” said Luke, shoving his shoulder. “Have a good time.”

As Jess went out of the apartment, he raised his hand in goodbye. Luke waited until the door closed behind his nephew before letting out a breath he hardly knew he had been holding. This really was a horrible situation for everyone, but none so much as Jess. Not knowing anything about his life but the bare bones and whatever he had been told these last few weeks, it had to be awful, and Luke just couldn’t imagine how he would cope if it happened to him. Still, it was doing Jess no harm not to remember how crappy Liz had proven to be in raising him, or what a mess his own relationship with Rory had become.

“This time should be better,” he said to himself, thinking of Lorelai and how even she seemed to believe Jess and Rory could make things work this time around. “It has to be,” he added, heading for the door. “Couldn’t end much worse.”


	10. Chapter 10

“So, did you want to go out?” asked Rory, looking sideways at Jess.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, we could stay in.”

“If you want to.”

“Jess!”

“What?”

“You’re being infuriating,” she told him, though she was smiling just the same. “You must know what you want to do on our date.”

She turned on the couch to look at him head on and found that the smirk on his face spoke volumes. Rory blushed at the implication. Not that she minded the idea of making out with Jess, she really didn’t, but it seemed wrong somehow for what was essentially a first date.

“Look, I don’t know what I like to do or where I like to go,” Jess reminded her then. “All I’m really sure of right now is that I like spending time with you.”

“That’s nice,” said Rory, marvelling yet again at the way he would just tell her freely what he thought or felt at a moment’s notice.

It had seemed jarringly strange at first. Jess didn’t share, no matter how much a person poked and prodded. Rory knew so little about him in any real terms, even when they were dating. Anything she had heard from him about his childhood or his real feelings was usually mentioned completely randomly, often when they weren’t looking directly at each other, and was almost always followed by a swift subject change. Since he lost his memory, it was as if Jess forgot that he was supposed to hide everything inside. He wanted to share and Rory kind of loved that.

“Geez, did I do it again?” he asked, bringing her out of a daze.

“Did you...?”

“Say something that I said before or whatever? The last couple of times I’ve seen that look on your face, that was why.”

“Oh, no, you didn’t,” Rory assured him, shaking her head. “I was just thinking... um, how about we go out to eat? I can re-introduce you to the wonder that is Al’s Pancake World?”

“Okay,” Jess agreed easily. “I’ve actually had pancakes since the accident, so at least I know I like them.”

“Which is great, except Al’s sells everything but pancakes,” explained Rory, unable to keep from smiling at the confused expression that brought on from Jess. “It’s a long story. I’ll explain on the way.”

She did just that as she led the way into town and down the street to Al’s. Jess’ hand slid into hers as they walked along and Rory didn’t mind at all. It was actually really comfortable and easy to be with him like this. It was how it used to be in the beginning, but without all the guilt and such that she had felt back then thanks to the way things ended with Dean. Now she really couldn’t care less about her ex. He was married to Lindsey and really no longer a part of her life, despite their attempting to be friends for a while. After what he said to her earlier about Jess, Rory would be quite happily never to talk to Dean ever again.

“You okay?” she checked with Jess as they went into Al’s and surveyed tonight’s menu.

“Sure,” he told her, nodding his head. “Just trying to feel okay with ordering Chinese food at a pancake house.”

“Ex pancake house,” Rory reminded him, “and we really don’t mention the P word when we’re in the store,” she added in a whisper.

“Got it,” Jess agreed, deliberating still over what food to order and getting nowhere fast. “You wanna tell me what I like out of all of this stuff?” he asked in the same whispered tone that Rory had used.

“Oh, right. Well, let’s simple this up. Al?” she called to him over the counter. “Can we have one portion of everything on the menu please?”

“No problem,” he assured her, starting to prepare her order immediately.

“He’s used to it,” Rory assured Jess as his eyes widened. “Me and Mom order way more than we can eat all the time. Most of it ends up in the fridge and feeds us for a week thanks to the microwave.”

Jess didn’t argue. He was quickly learning that the Gilmore girls really, really liked to eat, especially junk food and take out. It was just too cute that Rory seemed to want to give him the chance to try so many dishes just so he could figure out for himself what he liked. That was pretty cool.

Eventually, with three large bags of food lined up on the counter that all belonged to the two of them, Rory and Jess both went for their wallets. There was a brief back-and-forth that was less an argument and more the cutest bout of bickering ever before they agreed to split the bill in half. Jess did insist on carrying two bags and only allowing Rory one as they left the store at last.

Jess had assumed they would be going back to Rory’s house to eat, but half way there she seemed to take a detour.

“You trust me, don’t you?” she said, looking back over her shoulder at him.

“Naturally,” replied Jess without a moment’s pause, following her wherever she wanted to lead him.

It was a surprise to find they seemed to be heading for the lake. They seemed to be crossing it via the bridge too, at least that was what Jess thought until Rory stopped very abruptly in the middle and sat down, lotus-style.

“Huh,” said Jess, shaking his head before sitting down beside her. “Dinner on the bridge.”

“You may be surprised to hear that it is not the first time we did this,” Rory explained, laying out all the food between them. “It kind of became a tradition for us to meet here, sometimes to eat, to talk, to read. I guess you could call it our spot.”

She looked at Jess, watching him for a moment as he took in his surroundings, the view, the atmosphere. Rory was glad to see him smile as his eyes returned to her.

“It’s a cool spot,” he told her.

“I think so,” she agreed, grinning back at him. “Now, let’s eat,” she said then, spreading her arms wide in an attempt to present the huge array of food to him.

It took a while for them to work their way through the whole menu. Jess rediscovered his love for many a Chinese dish and Rory wasn’t overly surprised to find his taste really hadn’t changed much. He may not remember what he liked but he knew all the same.

“It’s official,” said Jess, around a mouthful of egg roll. “I like Chinese food.”

“Yes, you do,” Rory agreed. “Al does a good job with this stuff, but he’s a little sub-par on the cuisine of some other countries. You’ll want to steer clear of the place when he’s having a Japanese night.”

“Duly noted.” Jess nodded.

“So, how goes the reading? Last I heard you were mostly rediscovering Hemingway.”

“I branched out a little these past couple of weeks. Which reminds me, did you buy me a book called The Fountainhead?” he asked, frowning some. “I started that thing four times and I cannot make it past the first few pages.”

Rory heaved a huge sigh. “I kind of hoped the memory loss would make you a little more open to Ayn Rand, but I guess not.”

“Not,” Jess confirmed. “So, you did buy it for me.”

“Actually, I just recommended it to you,” she corrected him. “As far as I know, you bought it yourself.”

“Right.” Jess nodded. “Did you buy any of my books?”

“I did,” said Rory, smiling widely. “You’ll find a handwritten dedication in the front of a special edition copy of The Catcher in the Rye, as well as a copy of The Holy Barbarians. Both gifts from me,” she confirmed happily.

“Okay, and thanks, I guess.”

“You did thank me at the time, but you’re still welcome.”

“Yeah, but something tells me I didn’t do grateful so well before the whole memory loss thing. At least, that’s what Luke says.”

“I guess he has a point,” Rory considered, barely looking at him. “You just weren’t very good at expressing yourself in words all of the time. Of course, you and I were... well, we usually found ways that worked better than words.”

As if Jess couldn’t have figured it out from the way she said it, the deep red shade of Rory’s cheeks certainly proved her point. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to reach for her, turn her face towards him and lean in for a kiss.

Rory may have been embarrassed to talk about it but she had no hesitation is demonstrating what it was that she and Jess were always so good at before. Some things didn’t change, thankfully.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t forget how to do that,” she told him as they parted.

“Still kind of weird not remembering all the other times though,” said Jess, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

“I’m all for making new memories,” said Rory, leaning in for another kiss.

So lost in each other, they didn’t even notice the clear sky filling with clouds, that the world was growing darker and the wind was rising. The first they knew of the impending storm was a crash of thunder overhead that made them spring apart.

“Wow. Did we do that?” Rory joked.

“Maybe,” Jess agreed, smirking yet. “Either way we should probably get inside. Pretty sure it’s about to get crazy out here.”

They gathered up the leftover food into the bags and started walking briskly towards the Gilmore girls’ home, as the thunder continued to boom, accompanied by lightning that streaked across the sky.

As they turned into the right street, Rory and Jess ran hand-in-hand towards the house, the rain beginning to pelt down. Up the porch steps, Rory fumbled with getting her key into the lock, and then they both fell into the house, breathless from the sudden extertion and from laughter borne out of nothing more than childish fun. Of course, as they both leaned on the back of the door together, breathing hard, there was nothing childish about the way they looked at each other.

“Where were we?” said Jess, meeting her eyes.

“Someplace good,” Rory reminded him, pulling him closer. “As first dates go, this one has been pretty amazing.”

“Agreed.” Jess nodded.

They were back to full make-out within seconds. The storm raged outside, but in the house, everything was warm and good and safe. Yes, this had been a very good first date.


	11. Chapter 11

“So, you’re saying you absolutely don’t remember me?”

“No, Kirk. I absolutely don’t remember anything about you from before the accident,” Jess confirmed for what felt the 147th time.

“You don’t remember my last name?”

“Nope.”

“How I take my coffee?”

“No, Kirk.”

“How about Lulu? My girlfriend Lulu? You must remember her.”

“Kirk, how many more times? Amnesia! Total memory loss for anything that requires context. Geez, if I don’t remember Luke or Rory or even my own name when I woke up, why would I remember you or your girlfriend?”

Kirk stared at him a long while, then shook his head.

“No, I can’t believe anybody would forget Lulu,” he said definitely, getting up and leaving in what appeared to disgust.

“Was he dropped on his head as a kid?” Jess asked Luke, more than a little seriously.

“No, he’s just stupid.”

“That works too.”

“Poor Kirk.” Miss Patty chuckled from the end of the counter. “He doesn’t mean any harm, he’s just not what you’d call the brightest bulb is all.”

“That’s more than obvious.” Jess rolled his eyes. “You need anything else, Miss Patty?”

“Well, honey, what is it that you’re offering?”

“He’s nineteen, Patty,” Luke reminded her with a look.

“That’s legal, right?”

“Aww, geez” said Jess, though he was smirking all the same as he took the coffee pot out around the counter to top up cups for a while.

“He seems happy,” Lane noted as she rushed back with dirty dishes for the kitchen.

“Yeah, I guess he does,” Luke agreed. “It’s weird, he was never this happy before the memory loss, at least he didn’t seem to be.”

“Well, from what I know from Rory, Jess had a lot of bad memories that he’s probably better off without.”

“Makes sense,” Miss Patty considered. “Although, I’m not so sure I’d be willing to part with any of my memories, good or bad. Not that I suppose anyone really gets a choice.”

“You know that guy Taylor keeps asking me questions. Says he’s trying to catch me out,” said Jess as he returned to the counter. “Apparently I could be faking the amnesia as a prank.”

“He said that?” asked Lane, eyes wide.

“I’ll kill him,” said Luke, moving to step out from behind the counter.

Jess’ hand on his should stopped him.

“Easy, Uncle Luke. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Well it matters to me. How dare he insinuate that my nephew would lie about a serious condition like that?”

“Hey, from what I hear about how I used to be, it’s probably not a stretch to believe I’d try it.”

Luke had no answer to that and when Jess looked to Lane and Miss Patty for a response they were both very quiet also. If that didn’t prove his point, nothing ever would. With a sigh, Jess went over to the coffee machine and put on a fresh pot. He was paying attention to nothing but the task at hand, until he heard Luke ask Rory how she was doing.

“Oh, I’m okay, I guess,” she said, swallowing hard as Jess turned around to look at her. “It’s way harder on Grandpa than it ever is on me, but everybody’s feeling sad, obviously.”

Jess didn’t even have to ask Luke if he could take his break now, his uncle just nodded his head the moment he looked at him and that was that. They both knew that Rory was hurting. It was only yesterday that they heard from Lorelai about the death of their namesake, Richard’s mother, Lorelai ‘Trix’ Gilmore. Though Jess was pretty sure Rory didn’t know her great grandmother all that well, she was too good a person not to be feeling pretty bad right now, if only in sympathy for her mother and grandparents.

“C’mon,” said Jess, taking a hold of Rory’s hand and leading her to the stairs.

They headed up to the apartment in silence, and when they got there, it still didn’t seem as if Rory much wanted to talk. Jess offered her a soda just so he had something to do in fetching it.

“Thanks,” said Rory, messing with the can between her hands without actually opening in.

“You wanna sit?” Jess offered.

Rory shrugged and then perched in on the end of his bed. “It’s so dumb. I really only met Gran a couple of times, but... well, she’s still part of my family, and now she’s gone.”

“I’d sympathise but I don’t even remember the family I do have so...”

“Oh, Jess, I’m sorry,” said Rory helplessly, tears filling her eyes.

“Hey, don’t do that,” he urged her, crouching down in front of her, taking the soda away so he could hold onto her hands. “You don’t have to feel bad for me. You have enough to be sad about already.”

“I know, except I don’t, not really. There are people way worse off than me. She was my great grandmother who I barely knew, at least I still have Grandma and Grandpa and Mom, plus Luke and you, my dad, Lane...”

“If you’re gonna name everybody you ever met, we might be here a while,” said Jess with a half a smile.

He was glad to see that Rory found a little humour in it too. He watched her looking down at their joined hands a while, wondering what else he could say to help. Luke had already told Jess that he had no grandparents himself. Apparently, there was a vague chance he had memories of his Grandpa William before the accident, but Grandma Rose was gone long before Jess’ birth. Jimmy’s parents were never on the scene. Even if he had his memories, Jess was pretty sure he would have no idea how to handle this situation.

“I just keep thinking,” said Rory very suddenly, “how stupidly short life can be.”

“I thought your great grandma was... well, old,” said Jess, frowning some.

“Oh, she was, I guess. I don’t know exactly but... well, her dying has just made me think about everybody I love and how awful it would be to lose them. I know the crash was bad, with you losing your memory and all, but it could’ve been worse, Jess. You could’ve-”

“But I didn’t,” he said quickly. “Rory, don’t do that.”

“Why not?” she countered, looking up to meet his eyes. “Jess, just about the only good thing that comes from somebody dying is that it helps those left behind to put their lives into perspective. Sure, Gran was older, but you don’t have to be any special age to die. I would hate for anything to happen to you without you knowing... knowing that... well, I love you.”

Jess hadn’t quite been ready for that one. One minute he was trying to think of anything to say that wasn’t stupid in order to comfort his grieving girlfriend and the next she declared that she loved him. There was an obvious response to that and yet his brain was having trouble forming words, never mind his mouth.

“You don’t have to say it back. That’s not why I-”

Rory couldn’t say any more either as Jess moved to sit beside her, taking her in his arms and pulling her into a pretty serious kiss. Her arms reached out to pull him closer as they got lost in the moment a little while. When Jess pulled back a few moments later, he kept Rory close, their foreheads pressed together still.

“Rory, I love you,” he told her. “And I’m not just saying it because you did, and I still don’t remember what happened with us before, but... but I think the one thing I was sure about from the moment I woke up and saw you is that you were important in my life. Now I know for sure, it’s because I love you.”

There were tears in her eyes all over again but at least she was smiling now. When she moved him to kiss him, Jess certainly wasn’t going to argue at all. Nothing felt better than being close to Rory, in any form at all. He had re-learnt that one pretty damn fast. Before long, kissing turned to full make-out as clothes started to come off. Just her jacket and his over-shirt at first, but then suddenly Rory seemed eager to go further and Jess felt himself freeze up.

“Rory,” he said, backing up just a little bit. “I don’t...”

Her eyes were the widest he’d even seen them when he dared to look. This probably wasn’t how this usually went, though of course Jess couldn’t remember at all. Teenage guys were supposed to be the ones who always wanted sex and teenage girls were usually the ones saying, ‘not yet.’ That much Jess did know, if only from a bunch of the movies he’d watched these past few weeks. That was probably how it was with him and Rory before. Damn, did he ever feel like a heel for the look on her face right now.

“Wow. Um, I’m sorry,” she said, jumping up from the end of the bed like she’d been burnt. “I didn’t... I’m sorry,” she repeated, reaching for her jacket.

Jess’ hand on her arm stopped her in her tracks.

“Rory, don’t. I’m the one who’s sorry,” he assured her. “Trust me, I’ll probably be regretting this for weeks, I just... It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, you know that, right?”

“I should,” she considered, smiling in spite of herself. “Before, when we dated, you... well, you made it pretty clear that was a direction you wanted to head in. I was the one that wasn’t sure. Not that I wasn’t sure about you, because even though we never said it, I was almost certain I loved you and you loved me, but... you know, a girl’s first time and everything, she should be sure.”

She was blushing profusely as she explained and Jess wouldn’t have been at all surprised if he was doing the same, if not during her explanation than definitely during his own which followed swiftly behind.

“Yeah, well, as far as my memory goes, it’d be a first for me too,” he reminded her. “For me, I’ve only known you a few weeks, and we’ve only been on one date.”

“Huh,” she said, shaking her head. “I really hadn’t thought of it that way. So, you’re not a ‘do it on the second date’ kind of guy,” she realised, sitting back down beside him, wearing a smirk a mile wide.

“I guess not,” Jess agreed, smiling too because it was tough not to.

All their embarrassment was turning into humour, which wasn’t a bad thing as far as he could tell. It was certainly diffusing an awkward situation.

“I mean, maybe I was,” he considered then. “You realise how weird it is to not even remember if... if you ever had sex?”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you have,” said Rory, turning away and tucking her hair behind her ear in some nervous gesture. “I couldn’t tell you any specifics, but I highly doubt you’re lacking in experience.”

“Doesn’t really help when I don’t remember,” he noted. “You’re not mad at me, right?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know.” Jess shrugged. “You wanted to... and it’s not like I didn’t, or I don’t, I just-”

“I get it,” she assured him. “More than you know,” she promised, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Honestly, it was probably pretty misguided anyway. If we did, it would be because I’m all griefy and weird today. Not for the right reasons.”

Jess nodded that he understood, glad that she was being cool about this. One of them ought to be. Honestly, he felt so stupid. What man of any age or any level of experience turned down a beautiful woman like Rory when they were offering to have sex with him? If only he had some frame of reference for anything in his life, Jess might’ve felt better, but there was so much missing.

“Could you do me a favour?” he asked her, picking up her hand in his again.

“I won’t tell anyone about this,” she promised.

“Okay.” Jess smirked. “Do me two favours?” he tried again, turning to meet her eyes. “Tell me something about us. One thing from before. A good memory.”

Rory took a moment to think and then she smiled.

“The bridge,” she said at last. “You remember I told you it was our spot? Well, there’s a reason why. See, Stars Hollow has this traditional thing called the Bid-A-Basket. All the women in town make up a lunch in a pretty basket and all the men bid on them, then the guy how wins the basket gets to have lunch with the girl who made the lunch. Anyway, the first year you were here, you came along to the event and... well, actually, you outbid my boyfriend for my basket.”

“Seriously?”

“Very seriously. Dean was every kind of mad and I knew I should’ve been too, but honestly? I was kind of thrilled about it. He was a nice guy, but you? I don’t know, Jess, there was always something about you,” she told him, looking down at their hands as she entwined their fingers together. “Anyway, you took me and my basket to the bridge and we sat down and ate and talked. You told me how much you loved Hemingway, I told you how I read The Fountainhead when I was ten. Then we got into the Beats and the Russians and... we just talked and talked. I think I knew then that eventually you and me were supposed to be together.”

Jess smiled at the memory, even though he didn’t have it for himself anymore. The way Rory described it, he could picture it well enough, and even if he didn’t have the event to recall, he was pretty sure the feelings attached to it were alive and well inside of him yet.

“Thanks, Rory,” he said eventually, his free hand at her cheek, as he leaned in to kiss her one more time.


	12. Chapter 12

Jess thought he was doing pretty well with the whole amnesia thing. He had adjusted to not being able to remember everything and relearnt most things he really needed to know. He was getting along well with Luke and Lorelai, and he and Rory couldn’t be happier, at least when he got to see her. It was tough with her being at Yale a not small part of the time, and still strange that Jess had no memory of their time together before, but he was handling it. Most of the time, he was pretty happy with the life he had now, regardless of what it may have been in the past. Unfortunately, there always had to be a fly in the ointment.

“Hey, man,” said Jess as he watched the cashier ring up his purchases at the market.

“Hey,” replied the guy who seemed to have done nothing but glare at Jess ever since he could remember.

It was only now that he read his name tag that everything clicked into place and he realised why there was an issue between them. This was Dean, Rory’s ex. The guy that Jess had supposedly stolen her away from. Well, that would explain the dark and glowery looks.

“So, you hate me,” he said then. “For reasons that I can’t remember, but I’m guessing it has to do with Rory dating me after she dated you.”

“Something like that,” said Dean, somehow managing to ring up goods aggressively. “The before and after were a little less cut-and-dry than they should’ve been.”

“Huh,” said Jess, nodding his head. “Well, if it helps at all, I’m sorry.”

Dean’s eyes went comically wide at that remark and Jess wasn’t entirely shocked by that reaction. After all, he had fast become aware that he wasn’t always the nicest person, not the type to offer assistance to most people and definitely not to apologise. He couldn’t explain why he had been that way, he simply didn’t remember his reasons for that kind of attitude, so it seemed easier just to draw a line under it and embrace the person he felt he was now. Clearly, Dean was struggling with that concept.

“You’re sorry?” he echoed, holding the box of cookies in his hand without actually ringing it up. “Is this a joke?”

“Nope.” Jess shook his head. “Look, I don’t remember what happened. All I know is, Rory dated you and then she dated me, and like you said, there was maybe some confusion in the middle. The fact is, I don’t control what Rory does, that’s all on her, but if I screwed up, if I had some part in you always aiming this Frankenstein glare at me, then I’m sorry, okay? I could use not having all the tension every time I need to come into this place to buy milk. Stress doesn’t help with my memory loss, in fact, the doctor tells me it’ll only prolong the agony.”

Dean looked confused yet and Jess started to wonder if that was actually his default setting. Maybe this was part of the reason why Rory actually broke up with her ex - he just wasn’t all that bright. It didn’t matter. What Jess had said was true, he really didn’t want to feel bad or awkward every time he wanted to buy something from the store, and he saw no reason why he and Dean shouldn’t bury the hatchet after all this time, even if they had had issues between them before.

“Okay,” he said eventually. “I guess it’s all water under the bridge anyway. You’re with Rory and you’re making an effort to be a better person, and I’m with Lindsay.”

“Happily married from what I hear,” said Jess, smiling genuinely.

“Yeah, we are,” Dean agreed, ringing up the rest of the purchases. “That’s $10.50 altogether,” he said at last.

Jess handed over eleven bucks, then flipped the change Dean gave him into the charity cup by the register. He was still smiling as he left the store, unaware of the incredulous look on Dean’s face and the way he shook his head in disbelief. Honestly, Jess couldn’t care less if Rory’s ex believed his apology or the ways in which he had supposedly changed. While it was nice enough to be liked by people, Jess didn’t need it. He had Rory, Luke, Lorelai, and even Lane in his corner. Anybody else was a bonus, he really wasn’t that bothered either way.

When his phone started to ring, Jess switched the bag of groceries to his other hand and reached in his pocket for his cell. He smiled when he realised it was Rory calling. Despite being spitting distance from the diner, he had half-expected Luke to be checking up on him or something.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” she greeted him cheerfully. “What are you doing?”

“Just been to Doose’s, walking back to the diner. Nothing exciting. You?”

“Just got out of a lecture, thought I’d call and see how you were. I know it sounds crazy because it’s only two days since I saw you last, but it already feels like too long.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jess smiled, unable to help it. “Well, I gotta admit, I like it better when you’re here.”

“I like that you like it better when I’m there,” she told him, giggling some. “Is that too corny? I feel like it’s too corny.”

“It’s not,” he promised her. “So, I guess you’re not coming home again until after Friday Night Dinner?”

“Maybe not even then.” Rory sighed. “I have so much studying to do, I was thinking I should probably stay here this weekend. As much as I love you, you are a very big distraction.”

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”

“You really should, but hey, I could probably come visit tomorrow night. Mom said there’s a town meeting and I haven’t been to one in forever, plus the next morning, my class has been cancelled because my professor has to go out of town for some family thing, so we could spend a little time together too.”

“Anything that gets you back to Stars Hollow is fine with me,” said Jess as he reached the diner door. “So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“Yes, you will. Think you can find something to pass the time until then?”

“I think me and Ernest are going to be spending a lot of time together.”

“I’m almost jealous of the guy, but hey, at least immersing yourself in the books you always loved should help with getting your memories back,” Rory told him. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes, you will.”

They ended their call and Jess walked into the diner, unaware than anyone even noticed he took a call until his uncle called him on it.

“So, I’m guessing that was Rory on the phone?” said Luke, grinning too much.

“She’s coming home for a visit tomorrow night, partly to see me, I guess, but she also said something about a town meeting she wants to go to?”

“Geez, I forgot about that. I guess I should go, at least that way I’ll know what crack-pot scheme Taylor is cooking up this week. Makes it easier to avoid if I know what it is.”

“So, anybody can go to these things?” Jess checked, hovering by the curtain with the groceries still.

“Sure,” his uncle agreed. “Why, you wanna come too?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay, well, maybe it’ll be good for you, help you remember something. I mean, you went to a few meetings before when you lived here, and it’s probably better for you to be amongst a lot of familiar people.”

“Yeah.” Jess nodded, forcing a further smile before he headed on up the stairs.

A sigh escaped as he reached the apartment and let himself inside. People liked to talk to him a lot about getting his memory back still. Jess supposed that was what he wanted too, but as long as everybody else kept pushing the idea of him ‘getting back to normal’ the harder it was for him to adjust to life without his memories.

There was a chance that this was it, forever. That Jess Mariano had changed and become the person he was now, never to return to what he used to be. Jess was okay with that, he kind of had to be, and since he didn’t remember the potential jerk that he once was, it made sense to want to stay as he was now. Strange then that everybody else seemed so desperate to have the old him back, even Rory.

It was just about the only thing left about the amnesia that bugged him, the fact that everyone else was waiting for the ‘illness’ to end. It wasn’t like that, the doctor had said as much.

Going over to the mirror, Jess stared into the glass. He wanted to adjust to being this person, but nobody else really wanted to let him. Strange since most people were quick enough to point out that they liked him better as he was now. What bothered Jess was Rory’s feelings for who he was now versus who he had been. He wished he could be sure about what they had together but it didn’t come easy somehow. He knew he loved her and he wanted to believe that she felt the same and would no matter what, and yet.

“This is ridiculous!” he said to himself, turning away from his reflection.

At least he knew he looked the same, no matter what he couldn’t remember. All that proved was that Rory liked the way he looked, but Jess knew it was more than that. They talked about everything, books and movies and music. She said that she loved him and he said it back, because it was true. Jess knew he was being stupid if he believed anything else.

* * *

“And this one time, me and Rory were a little late arriving at the meeting, and Taylor called us on it. He was all, ‘You’re late again,’ and I said, ‘Yes, I hope I’m not pregnant.’ It was pretty funny.”

“Mom, I think you’ve told enough town meeting stories now,” said Rory, even though she couldn’t help but laugh at each and every one. “I think forcing memories into Jess’ head is actually causing him pain.” she said, seemingly more concerned than anything else as she looked at him then.

“I’m okay,” he promised. “It’s just still kind of weird when people tell you a bunch of times you were there for something and you don’t remember any of it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jess,” Lorelai apologised. “I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine,” he assured her. “Honestly, it’s not your fault. You’re just trying to help.”

“Trying but failing,” she noted, nodding her head. “You two talk. I’ll step back.”

She literally did so, walking the rest of the way to Miss Patty’s beside Luke, a pace behind the kids.

“I’m an idiot,” she said softly.

“No, you’re not,” Luke promised her. “It’s only been a few weeks. Jess is still adjusting to everything. It’s gotta be kind of a big deal, not knowing anything you used to know.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Lorelai, nodding her head, “but he’s doing so well, and look at him and Rory. They’re like love’s young dream. It’s kinda beautiful.”

“Yeah, it kinda is,” Luke agreed, before making a face, “and if you tell them or anybody else I said that, there will be consequences.”

“Consequences?”

“No coffee for a month.”

Lorelai gasped, faking at being completely scandalised, before realising maybe Luke wasn’t kidding.

“My lips are beyond sealed.”

“Good.”

They got to Miss Patty’s studio and headed inside. Luke pointed to a row towards the back, filing in with Lorelai beside him. Rory followed her and Jess sat down on the aisle. It was strange for the others to see so many friends and neighbours wave and say hello to Jess, a vast difference from the old days when he was practically the town pariah.

“I can’t see any seats together,” said a voice just as everyone else seemed to have settled into their places.

Jess and Rory both turned to see Lindsay stood in the aisle, her hand clasped in her husband’s own. Dean looked around a little, until Jess spoke up.

“Second row,” he said, pointing across the way.

“Thanks,” said Dean, nodding his head.

“No problem,” Jess assured him with half a smile, before turning back to Rory and finding her eyes were wider than wide. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said definitely, shaking her head. “Nothing at all,” she assured him with a smile.

“The meeting will come to order!” called Taylor, gaining most people’s attention but not all. “Order, people! Order!” he tried again, banging his gavel for good measure.

Jess sat back and observed as the townsfolk were mostly lectured by Taylor and occasionally allowed to discuss a few things. Everything from twinkle lights to crosswalks were on the agenda, via charity functions and neighbour disputes. As a keen observer of people, Jess couldn’t say it wasn’t entertaining. Of course, Rory and Lorelai’s colour commentary and funny jokes didn’t hurt either.

“You having fun?” Rory whispered to him at one point.

“Sure,” he agreed, finding her a smile. “That’s what we come to these things for, right?”

“Well, I do, but you never really cared for them before. It’s nice that you see the funny side now,” she told him, grinning wide.

“Glad there’s something about the new me you like better than before,” Jess muttered to himself, only because he already noted Lorelai was talking to Rory again and she wouldn’t hear him.

He had to snap out of this mood and he knew it, but it wasn’t easy to do. Maybe the old Jess didn’t care about anything, at least that’s what some people, like Taylor, implied. Now he was different. Now he was someone that people actually liked, that he liked himself. He only wished he could be as confident that Rory genuinely loved him this way as much as she had before.


	13. Chapter 13

Jess watched the view go by the bus window. He had to count the stops to know when to get off since, amongst everything else, he had obviously forgotten the way to New Haven. So far, he had never been to Yale, not even before the accident, because he checked that with Luke. This morning he got up and decided that today was the day. Rory hadn’t been home for more than a week now and honestly, Jess just missed seeing her. It seemed romantic somehow to show up at her school and offer to take her to lunch or something.

“You can take the truck if you want,” said Luke easily.

It took him a whole minute before his brain caught up to him and he realised how that wouldn’t work. Literally face-palming, he started apologising at a mile a minute, but Jess only smiled. It didn’t bother him that his uncle sometimes forgot about his memory loss. In fact, he kind of liked that he could. It was comforting in a way that Jess was as much the same as before as to not be a constant reminder that something was different.

“You know if you want to learn to drive again,” Luke had said in the next moment, “I’m more than happy to teach you.”

“Maybe,” Jess had nodded.

He certainly wasn’t ready to try just yet. Even though he didn’t remember the car crash that injured him, only knowing what he was told about a spill on the road and a very sudden meeting with the guardrail on the median, he had this strangely fearful feeling about cars ever since. The idea of getting into the driver’s seat filled him with dread. Jess wasn’t ready to face that fear just yet.

The bus was fine. He thought about reading on the way but worried that he might miss his stop. Instead, he watched the world go by, wondering if any of the Connecticut scenery would look familiar at all. It didn’t. Nothing ever did, really. Sometimes when he put on a CD he would recognise the music or recall some lyrics like a reflex. Occasionally pieces of movies would seem familiar, like experiencing deja vu, but nothing concrete, nothing Jess could tie down as having been a part of his life before. He was starting to adjust to the fact that this was his life now. That it had started again, with the day of the crash being zero, and everything building from there. It certainly was a pretty good life so far, even if there was only two months of it to go on.

When the bus finally reached the nearest stop to Yale, Jess alighted and walked towards the university. He had a campus map in his pocket that guided him to the building where Rory lived. She gave it to him a while ago, just to show him where she was, not necessarily anticipating a visit at that point. She had marked the spot where she lived with a love heart and Jess smiled as he looked at it now.

Within a few minutes he was outside her dorm room, faced with a board marked out in quarters. Janet and Tanna were the names on the bottom half, Rory and Paris were at the top.

It was strange how when Jess raised his fist to knock, his nerves seemed to stop him from actually doing so. He assumed it was nerves, but then got to wondering if maybe it was something else. He loved Rory, that was something Jess had been so sure of throughout this whole amnesia thing. His feelings for her were never in doubt, but lately, he couldn’t help wondering about the love she said she felt for him.

Shaking his head, he mentally scolded himself for being so dumb, and then knocked. The girl who answered the door was certainly not Rory, but of the other three names he had seen on the door, he really did not know which one to pick.

“Hi,” he said, receiving only a scowl in return. “Is Rory here? I’m Jess.”

“I know who you are, doofus,” said the girl, rolling her eyes.

“Paris!” Rory yelled from behind her, wrenching the door open further so she could see and be seen too. “Jess, I’m sorry. Clearly my insensitive room-mate has forgotten about your amnesia!” she over-emphasised, looking back to Paris.

“The symptoms of retrograde amnesia can vary greatly, Gilmore. There was every chance that Jess would recall who I was without being told.”

“Well, he doesn’t,” said Rory, “or do you?” she checked with Jess then, seemingly realising in that moment that she was only assuming and hadn’t actually asked.

“I know her name is Paris because you just yelled it,” he answered honestly. “Before that, not a clue.”

“My heart is truly riven,” Paris dead-panned, rolling her eyes one more time. “I’m going out before you two start sucking face and making me want to vomit,” she said then, grabbing her jacket and bag. “I’m coming back in one hour and I will be walking straight into that bedroom, which is as much mine as it is Rory’s,” she told Jess as they passed in the doorway. “Try to have your pants back on by then, okay, Bukowski?”

The next moment she was gone, slamming the door behind her.

“Wow,” said Jess, looking to Rory with wide eyes. “She’s intense. I mean, I know you said she was, but wow.”

“Yeah, Paris is an acquired taste,” Rory sympathised, “but actually, the couple of times you guys met before, you kind of got along.”

“Really?” Jess checked, glancing back at the door through which Pars had passed. “Why’d she call me Bukowski?”

“Old conversation,” Rory confirmed. “More like a verbal sparring match actually. She has a problem with the Beats, you were always a fan, so there was debate. She also accused you of not having read Jane Austen. I remember because when you countered that you actually had, her expression was pretty priceless.”

Rory was grinning when she said it and then her arms were around Jess’ neck and she was kissing him hello. Crazy as this visit had been so far, Jess did not at all object to the sudden but very pleasant greeting.

“Not that it’s not a great surprise,” said Rory as they parted, “but how come you’re here?”

“Thought I’d drop by and see the great Yale that has you in thrall lately,” Jess told her truthfully. “As much as I know I probably lose cool points for saying so, I miss you when you’re not around.”

“I miss you too,” Rory confirmed, kissing him once more. “I’m sorry I haven’t been back to the Hollow much. Mom’s been complaining too, but even with that one class dropped, the work never seems to stop piling up. At least Spring Break is coming up fast, then I’ll have a few free days at least.”

“You too busy for me to be here today?”

“No, of course not. I mean, yes, I have studying but I always have that. I don’t have another class for hours. Besides, you came all the way here to visit and I want to spend time with you. Studying can wait until later.”

Jess smiled at her enthusiasm for his visit at least, and ever moreso at the fact she seemed more than happy to keep on kissing him, her fingers tangled in the back of his hair. Rory made him feel things like nobody else could. Being around her, just seeing her and talking to her, it seemed to trigger something in Jess. Not memories exactly, nothing as definite as thought, but something. When she touched him at all, it was familiar as well as electric. Somehow, he felt like everything was closer to the surface, who he was, what he knew, everything. If he was ever going to get his memory back, he half expected it to be Rory that made it happen, though at this point Jess was almost certain that this was as close as he was going to get to normal now. He was accepting that he was this way from here on out, without all the memories from the last twenty years. He was surprisingly okay with that actually.

“So,” said Rory, meeting his eyes. “Apparently, we have the room to ourselves for the next... fifty-six minutes,” she said, checking her watch. “Paris is a stickler for time keeping, so it definitely will be only that long. You want to hang out here?”

They really hadn’t been alone in a suitable place for that topic to come up again since the time in the diner apartment a couple of weeks ago. Jess felt strange just thinking about it, how dumb he felt in telling Rory he wasn’t sure about jumping into bed with her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. She was beautiful and amazing. He loved her and it’d literally be the most natural thing in the world. Jess wasn’t sure what held him back before or what was making him so nervous now, save for the fact it would all be a new experience. The facts existed in his head, the biology, the logistics, but no experience, no skills, nothing to reassure him he had a clue.

“We can go out if you want,” said Rory, clearly reading his expression and worrying she had made the wrong move. “Um, to eat or to a book store. I could give you the grand tour of Yale-”

Jess cut off her words with a kiss, not because he didn’t like to hear her ramble. He actually found her talking so fast weirdly attractive, and the fact she seemed nervous was reassurance enough that maybe he could do this, maybe it would be okay. They both got lost in the moment for a minute or two, then parted for breath and to get their bearings.

“Your other room-mates...?” said Jess, tilting his head towards their doors.

“Janet has classes until late. Tanna is out with friends,” said Rory breathlessly, “but I meant what I said about going out. I wasn’t trying to... I mean, I do want to be with you, Jess. I don’t think I’ve ever been clearer on that than I am right now, but if you’re not ready-”

“I am,” he told her suddenly. “I mean, I think I am. Kinda weird not knowing for sure, but as with all things, I’m operating in the dark with regards to past experience.”

“For the record, I never had any experience to begin with,” she said pointedly. “Like I told you before, I’m pretty sure you did, but I guess now we’re both in the same boat.”

“That why you want to now?” asked Jess curiously. “I mean, we were together before but it never happened, right?”

“Right.” Rory nodded. “Jess, I honestly couldn’t tell you why it didn’t happen then. It almost did, lots of times, but... it just didn’t. Now, things are different. It’s like we’ve started over but also picked up from where we left off.”

“Not for me,” he reminded her. “Before is... there is no before for me. I mean, I know I love you. Pretty sure I knew that from the second I woke up in the hospital and saw you there, but everything else?” He shook his head.

Rory just didn’t know what to say to him. She knew she loved Jess just as much as he loved her. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind about their relationship anymore, no worries and no fears. She really wanted to be with him, in all the ways she could imagine, but she also knew what it was to feel unsure. When this situation was reversed last year, Jess had gotten a little impatient and grouchy once, towards the end of their relationship, but before that he had always been so okay with going at Rory’s speed and never pushing. She was not about to railroad him into something he might regret. That wouldn’t be at all fair.

“So, let’s go out,” she said eventually. “We can get some lunch at a diner or something and then-”

She moved to walk away, but Jess had a grip on her arm still and pulled her back to him, kissing her firmly on the lips before she barely had chance to get a breath in. Before long they were tripping over each other’s feet as they shuffled towards the bedroom door and inside, stopping only when their legs hit the bed itself.

“Jess,” she gasped as they parted. “I don’t want to do this if you’re not sure.”

“I’m sure,” he promised her. “I just... well, it’s all instinct, right?”

“So, they tell me.” Rory nodded. “It’s okay, you know? At least we’re in this together, right? The whole not having a clue thing,” she said, her hand to his face, a nervous smile on her lips as they stood there, both shaking from more than nerves by now. “You know I love you, Jess. You do know that, right?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding his head. “Yeah, I know that, and I love you too,” he promised, moving in to kiss her again.

All these days and nights, wondering about her feelings for him. Jess felt like such a fool for ever doubting her. Rory mentioned him getting his memory back sometimes, but that was probably normal. Maybe she wanted him to remember for his own sake, not for her own. He had this all backwards, Jess was sure on that now. She wasn’t pining for the guy he used to be. In fact, she was more ready than ever to commit to who he was now, and Jess was more than ready to do the same for Rory.

“We’re really going to do this,” she said as they sat down on the bed together, his lips against her neck making her gasp. “I’m so glad it’s you, Jess. I always wanted it to be.”

Those were the last words spoken between them for a while as his lips returned to hers and they fell back onto the bed together, revelling in the feeling of being close, getting closer. It was what they both wanted, same time, same place, like some kind of miracle after all they had been through before. Finally, this was their moment.

* * *

“Huh. That’s weird,” said Lorelai, frowning at her cell phone as she came into the diner.

“If you’re gonna use that thing, outside!” he reminded her firmly.

“Well, I’m not gonna use it because I just tried calling Rory and it went to voicemail.”

“Then I guess she’s busy.”

“She doesn’t have a class. Mommy knows her schedule,” said Lorelai smartly as she came to sit by the counter.

Luke automatically poured her a coffee and pushed it towards her.

“Jess went over to Yale to see her.”

“Oh, okay,” said Lorelai, sipping her coffee, and then making a face.

“What? It’s not cold, is it?” said Luke, checking the pot.

“No, no. Your coffee never fails me,” Lorelai assured him fast. “I was just thinking about what you said, about Rory being busy... with Jess,” she said, wincing all over again. “Then my brain went to ‘getting busy with Jess’ and badness happened.”

“Ah, geez! Why would you put that in my head?” Luke groaned, covering his eyes with one hand, even though that would never help the pictures forming inside his head.

“Hey, I didn’t do it on purpose!” Lorelai complained. “God, just please, talk about anything else. Anything at all!”

Luke remained silent too long.

“New topic! New topic!” Lorelai demanded, slamming her hands on the counter top.

“If it’s of interest to you, Lorelai,” said Kirk from three stools over, “I’m thinking of starting my own pedi-cab business here in town.”

“Yes!” she exclaimed happily, moving down to the seat next to Kirk’s own. “Tell me all about it, Kirk. Every single step of the plan, I want to know it all.”

“Me too,” Luke agreed. “Don’t leave any boring detail out. Just talk.”

Kirk smiled wide and began to lay out his plan to a captive audience. He had never felt so appreciated in his life and it felt good.

* * *

Jess laid beside Rory, her body curled around his own in the too-small bed, just staring at the ceiling and trying to process. When he came to visit Rory at Yale, he really had not expected what happened next but he sure wasn’t sorry that things had gone the way they had.

“So, that’s what that’s like.”

“Apparently,” said Rory with what seemed to be a contented sigh. “I mean, I have no frame of reference but I think it went well.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jess agreed, holding her closer, kissing the top of her head. “You’re okay, right?”

“Sure. I’m okay,” she promised, tilting her head back to look up at him.

“For a while there it was just... it seemed like...”

“It’s normal,” she assured him. “For girls, the first time. I expected it. After a while, it was just... good,” she said with a strangely bashful smile for a woman who just did what she did. “It was good for you too, right? Because, like I said, I think it went well.”

“Very well,” he agreed, smiling like an idiot and he knew it.

Not that Jess cared. This was certainly no bad feeling he was having right now. Sure, everything was a little awkward when they started but they figured it out. Being with Rory was amazing. Everything about her seemed to be pretty amazing, actually, but this was something else entirely.

“I’m really, really glad you came over today,” she told him then.

“Me too,” Jess agreed, leaning down to kiss her softly. “I swear this was not the plan. I just meant to visit, I never thought-”

“I know that you didn’t,” Rory assured him. “It was me that seduced you, remember?”

“I’m not complaining.” 

“That’s good.”

They shared one more kiss and then just lie there a while in contented silence, Rory’s head pillowed on Jess’ chest, their bodies humming from the whole experience still. Neither of them was thinking coherently about anything much, not for a few precious minutes, until suddenly Rory sighed.

“What?” asked Jess, looking down at her.

“I was just thinking, it’s like Shakespeare.”

“Shakespeare?”

“Yeah. From the sonnet... I forget which number, but the one about love, or one of the one’s about love, I guess. ‘Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. Oh, no, it is an ever-fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken.’ It’s just like us,” she said, looking up and meeting Jess’ eyes. “I mean, you lost your memory, it’s changed you, and I know I’ve changed in the last year since we were together before, but the love doesn’t change. It’s ‘an ever-fixed mark,’ stronger than anything else, right?”

“Right,” Jess agreed, nodding his head, pulling her closer to kiss her all over again.

When he meant to pull away she encouraged him not to, making it plain that she wasn’t done with him yet.

“Rory,” he said against her lips. “Your room-mate’s gonna come back.”

“Not yet,” she promised, stealing a glance at the clock. “Not for... twenty-eight minutes.”

“Twenty-eight?” he echoed, a little amused by how precise that was.

“Twenty-eight,” she confirmed between kisses. “You want to...?”

When Jess kissed her then, Rory knew the answer to her question without another word being spoken.


	14. Chapter 14

“Is there a reason why you keep on grinning at me like that?”

Lane didn’t actually answer Jess, she just continued with the smiling. It was kind of unnerving actually. Jess liked Lane well enough and they worked well together at the diner. They were kind of friends in a way, at least via Rory, though they had a couple of interesting conversations about music already that they managed without the help of a third party. Still, it was a little strange to have her smile so big at him every single time they passed by each other today.

“Can’t a person just be happy?” asked Lane, shrugging her shoulders.

“Sure,” Jess agreed, “but that’s not a happy smile. That’s a crazy person smile,” he told her with a look.

Lane laughed then leaned in closer to whisper to him.

“Rory told me.”

“Aww, geez!” Jess complained, turning to walk away.

Lane gave chase back to the counter since she was done serving for now.

“I thought it was bad enough that she told Lorelai all about it,” said Jess as he put money into the cash register, deliberately not looking at Lane. “I didn’t know she took out an ad in the paper.”

“It’s not like that,” Lane assured him. “Girls just talk about these things. Lorelai and me, we’re the best friends, so we hear stuff. Hey, don’t look so worried,” she said then, tapping on his arm to get his attention. “It was all good stuff that she told us.”

It was strange to Lane to see Jess look so shy about anything. Well, maybe not shy but certainly embarrassed. She supposed she would be just the same in his position, but she never thought he could be that way. It was nice though. She liked the new Jess much better than the old one, not that she ever told him so. It didn’t seem right somehow.

“I’ll give you five bucks if we can change the subject now,” he said then, holding the bill out to her.

“Okay, first, you got that from the register, so put it back,” she advised. “Second, you don’t have to pay me to make a subject change, just ask. We’re friends after all.”

Lane wasn’t sure what to make of the way Jess was looking at her after she said that. She opened her mouth to ask what was up when he told her anyway without prompting.

“We never were before, right?”

“Well... not really,” she admitted awkwardly. “I don’t know, Jess, you never seemed to want to be friends before. I mean, we talked sometimes, because of Rory, but things were different then.”

“I was different,” said Jess, nodding his head.

“Some, sure,” Lane agreed, “but don’t worry about it. Before long you’ll get your memories back, you’ll find a middle between before and now, and everything will be cool, right?”

Jess tried not to wince when she said that, he really did. To be honest, she didn’t seem to notice even if he had, distracted as she was by some customer or other calling to her about an empty ketchup bottle. Jess couldn’t help it. He still got twitchy about the whole amnesia thing, about people seemingly being so determined that one day he would ‘get better,’ as if he had the flu or something. He knew he should just tell them to let it go, but it was a conversation he never felt the need to really have with anybody. While they waited for his memories to come back, he waited for them to stop waiting on something he was pretty sure was never going to happen, that maybe he never truly wanted to happen...

“So, how goes it with the music collection?” asked Lane, returning to him and giving her full attention once again. “Jess?”

He snapped back to the conversation wearing a genuine smile. The thing that he and Lane really bonded over these last couple of months, other than a shared love of Rory, was music. She was determined re-educate him in his own taste as well as her own, and Jess didn’t mind at all.

“I found Bowie,” he told her, nodding his head.

“Yes! I knew you had to have some. What’s the verdict?”

“Ziggy is amazing.”

“Oh, yeah,” Lane agreed wholeheartedly. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

She was back to grinning like a loon as she ran to the kitchen when Caesar called, but at least Jess didn’t mind the reason for her smiling this time. As much as he would prefer to have Rory around more, it was still cool to have a friend like Lane.

* * *

“I will try to make it home this weekend,” Rory promised her mom. “It’s just kind of crazy around here lately, I feel like I’m never getting anywhere with anything,”

“Amen to that, sister-friend. I know this inn is mine and Sookie’s dream, but I am drowning in To Do lists. It’s like it’ll never end!”

“All work and no play,” Rory warned her. “I know I should remember that myself too, and I am trying. Jess is being great about it but I know it’s frustrating for him. You’re not neglecting Jason, are you?”

Lorelai opened her mouth to answer that and then closed it again, knowing she had to say something but hardly knowing where to start.

“Mom?” she heard in her ear as she crossed the street. “Mom?”

“I’m here, sweets” she told her daughter. “Um, me and Jason... I don’t know. I mean, he’s a nice guy, I like him but...”

“But?”

“I don’t know,” she repeated, shrugging her shoulders pointlessly since Rory couldn’t see. “It’s weird. When I don’t see him, I don’t exactly miss him. That can’t be a good sign, right? I mean, you miss Jess.”

“Constantly.”

“Exactly. I’m just not missing my man, hon.”

“Then maybe he’s not supposed to be your man,” Rory considered. “Poor Jason.”

“Yeah,” Lorelai agreed. “Well, I can’t dump him if I never see him, and I feel like he deserves at least one more date, just to be sure. I’ll keep you posted,” she said as she pushed on the door of the diner and went inside.

Of course, the moment he saw her talking on her cell, Luke glared at her.

“Out!” he commanded, pointing towards the door.

“It’s Rory,” said Lorelai, noticing immediately that she had Jess’ attention. “I’m in the diner now,” she told her daughter, “and of course, Luke is about to blow.”

“Is Jess there?” asked Rory, even as Luke continued to yell that Lorelai needed to get out.

“Sure is,” Lorelai smiled, evading Luke and dodging away from his arm as it tried to usher her out. “You wanna talk to him?”

“Tell him to go upstairs and I’ll call right back on the apartment phone.”

“No problem, kid. I’ll see you soon.”

Lorelai closed her cell just as Luke was about to forcibly remove her from the premises. She smiled sweetly at him.

“What seems to be the problem, officer?” she asked him, fluttering her eyelashes.

“You’re bad for my blood pressure,” he told her flatly, letting the door slam shut and going back to the counter.

Lorelai giggled like a teen and then turned to Jess.

“Rory says go sit by the phone upstairs because she’s about to call.”

“Luke, I’m taking my break!” Jess called, practically pelting up the stairs.

“You’re not due a break!” his uncle called after him, before turning to look at an approaching Lorelai. “He’s not due a break.”

“So, I heard. Come on, Luke, you can spare him for ten minutes. They’re young and in love,” she said with a look.

“Don’t even go down that road,” he advised, shuddering about something.

Lorelai had an idea it was less to do with the feelings of love between Rory and Jess that had him squirming and more the physical love making they had been doing the other day. Still, she wasn’t about to make fun of Luke for that. It squicked her out more than a little bit too.

“He’s going to be up there all day now.” Luke sighed.

“No, he won’t,” Lorelai promised. “Rory has a lot of work to do so I’m sure she’ll keep it brief. Besides, the other option was to let them talk on my cell and I really don’t want them making with the cute via property of mine,” she said definitely. “How is that nephew of yours lately anyway? I mean, it’s been what? Two months now? Rory hasn’t mentioned any sign of memories returning.”

“There doesn’t seem to be any,” said Luke, shaking his head. “I would’ve thought something would’ve happened by now. Honestly, I’m half tempted to hit him over the head with something good and heavy, see if that works.”

“Luke!” Lorelai gasped then laughed because she couldn’t help it. “Damn, I’ve just got this image in my head now of you with an oversized mallet chasing Jess around and around, knocking him on the head, like something out of Looney Toons.”

Luke rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but laugh also.

“You’ve got problems, crazy lady,” he told her, getting her a coffee without ever asking. “How’s the inn?”

“It’s getting there. Kind of an uphill battle, but we’ll make it,” she said, nodding her head. “Hey, that was fast,” she said then, looking to the curtain as Jess came rushing back into the diner.

“Rory’s busy, she just wanted to said hi,” he explained.

“Hey, at least she calls,” said Lorelai. “Not everybody does, even when they say they will.” 

She sipped her coffee, wondering at the looks on Luke’s and Jess’ faces as she glanced between them. She realised too late why they were staring.

“Oh, that wasn’t an anti-guy thing,” she said definitely, “or an anti-you thing,” she told Jess. “Not that you remember that you were... well, sometimes you didn’t call when you said you’d call, which was annoying, for Rory, but I wasn’t... Lots of people say they’ll call and then they don’t, that was my point, but not our Rory.”

“I’d stop digging now,” Luke advised.

Jess continued to stare a beat or two more and then moved to walk by Lorelai and get back to work. He didn’t quite make it.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” she said, catching him by the arm. “Seriously, Jess, it’s not fair of me to rag on you for stuff you don’t remember.”

“No problem,” he assured her. “If I did it, or didn’t do it, whatever, then it is what it is.”

“Yeah, but it’s not cool of me. You can’t defend yourself if you don’t remember, but hey, someday soon I’m sure it’ll all come flooding back,” she said with a grin.

“Yeah, maybe,” Jess agreed, heaving a sigh as he turned to move away.

Everybody was just full of wanting the old him back, even though they seemed to like the way he was now much better than before. Jess couldn’t explain why it bothered him, he just knew it made him uncomfortable, ever more so when it was Rory telling him she would be happier when he remembered everything and ‘got back to normal.’ She had done it again just now on the phone, leading to his making excuses, saying he had to get back to work and actually hanging up long before she would have ended their call.

This was normal for Jess, who and what he was now. He didn’t need to go back to before, he wasn’t sure he wanted to, and yet everybody else seemed determined about it. It took the edge of the happiness he thought he had found since the accident, that he figured he never had before, given what he had been told by others. He really wished people could just forget the past as easily as he had. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to work that way.


	15. Chapter 15

It should’ve been perfect. Jess kept thinking about it and telling himself he was a fool, that he was only going to ruin everything if he made a big deal. Things were going so well for him right now. Sure, he was without his memories from the last twenty years and that kind of sucked, but he was adjusting. The life he had built in the last ten weeks was pretty damn good as far as he could tell.

Though his parents weren’t around, Jess had Luke, and he had first learnt that his uncle was someone to be relied upon. Sure, there was that really, really awkward conversation when he got back from Yale a couple of weeks ago with a grin on his face a mile wide. Luke read that look absolutely correctly and Jess didn’t see why he should deny the fact that he and Rory had sex. Not that he exactly wanted it announced to the whole diner, for Rory’s sake as much as anything else, but he admitted what they had done the second he and Luke got up to the apartment and his uncle asked him straight.

There was a lot of ‘aww, geez’ and the adjusting of Luke’s hat before they were done, but mostly once his uncle knew that Jess had been safe and sensible and obviously thoughtful and nice to Rory, he let it go. He even seemed happy for the both of them that things were going so well this time around.

Unfortunately, it was that particular turn of phrase that bothered Jess more than a little. He and Rory were working out ‘this time around’ because the last time had clearly been a real disaster. It made Jess almost glad that he didn’t remember, that he didn’t have to know how he screwed up, because he was damn sure it was 90% his fault, even if everybody did refuse to tell him exactly what happened. The problem was that as much as he thought he had got all the negative thoughts out of his head, Jess found they just wouldn’t go. He thought he had convinced himself that Rory loved him as he was now and wasn’t pining for the guy he used to be, and yet every time she mentioned him getting his memories back, any time anybody did, he physically winced and felt like he wanted to scream.

Jess never said anything. He didn’t really see the point anyway. How could he explain the reasons why he didn’t want his memories back? Why he didn’t want anyone else to want it to happen either? For most amnesiacs it was the ultimate goal, to be who they were. Of course, most of them probably didn’t have to live with the knowledge that who they were before wasn’t that great of a person. Jess preferred who and what he was now, as did Lorelai and Luke and even Lane, but he was never 100% convinced with Rory.

It might’ve been easier if he saw more of her. Despite the fact she dropped a class to lighten her load, Rory was almost always busy. Jess worked all he could in the diner to make some money and kill some time. He even applied for a part time job helping out in the bookstore when it came up, and though Andrew seemed sceptical at first, he eventually had to admit he had no real reason to turn Jess down. He didn’t have all the knowledge he once had of literature, but he was rereading and relearning all the time. The only place that made him feel like himself, outside of Rory’s company, was a bookstore, this much he told her as they walked around town together one sunny day in April. They hadn’t seen each other for a few days, had barely even gotten chance to talk on the phone either. She was there for a flying visit but at least spring break was coming up. It should’ve been perfect.

“It’s good that you’ve found something else to do,” said Rory happily, tucked into Jess’s side with his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist as they wandered aimlessly around the Hollow. “I mean, the diner is great and we all love Luke, but at the bookstore you’ll see different people and it’s a different environment. It has to be good for you.”

“Plus, extra cash which is never a bad thing,” Jess noted. “Girlfriends are expensive,” he teased her, kissing her cheek when she looked at him with wide eyes.

“Just for that, you’re paying for anything we eat or do today,” she warned him. “I am a debt-ridden college student after all. Oh, but if you’re going to be working so much... well, I was hoping we’d finally get to spend more time together once I got out for spring break. You know that’s next week, right?”

“I know. Already talked to Luke and Andrew about taking some time off to spend with you,” he told her with a smile.

Rory grinned. “Best boyfriend ever,” she declared, hugging him tight and almost succeeding in knocking them both off their feet in the process. “Paris was actually talking about going to Florida. You know, the whole traditional crazy spring break thing? She asked me if I wanted to go along, but it’s not really me. Besides, if I stay here, apparently, you’re going to take me out in style, Mr I Have Two Incomes,” she teased Jess.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m just rolling in money.” He sighed. “The part time work will have to do for now. It’s not so easy to get a real job when I can’t even remember what I know or what I’m good at. Plus, Luke tells me I didn’t exactly finish high school.”

“That is true, but you didn’t drop out because you were stupid, Jess. He did tell you that, right?”

“He told me, not that it makes any sense. Why would I drop out if I was smart enough to graduate?”

“You had your reasons. Lots of them, actually,” said Rory, looking away. “Maybe it’s better you don’t remember.”

“Maybe,” Jess agreed, nodding his head. “I guess there’s nothing to stop me getting my GED. In fact, I was looking into it on the computer at the bookstore the other day. If I’m as smart as you seem to think I am-”

“And you are.”

“-then I don’t think it’d be a big deal. I mean, all the knowledge is still in there, out of context, but I guess I can still pass the tests if I had to.”

“I guess so.” Rory smiled up at him, though somehow it didn’t look all that genuine to Jess.

They stopped walking at the next corner, Jess turning Rory towards him and meeting her eyes.

“What?” he asked, tilting his head as he stared at her. “Come on, Rory, there’s something you’re not saying.”

“It’s nothing,” she assured him. “I just... sometimes it’s still weird for me when you say stuff like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like, you’re going to get your GED and talking about passing tests. It’s weird. It’s great, don’t get me wrong, and I absolutely support you doing this, it’s just not very... Jess, you know?”

“No,” he told her, shaking his head, dropping her hands that he had been holding onto tightly up to now. “No, I don’t know. That’s kind of the point.”

He started walking back the way they came, so suddenly that Rory had to run a little to catch up to him again. She was calling his name and looked so confused when he glanced at her, Jess felt like a real tool, but she ought to know what his problem was, even if he hadn’t ever really told her. Shouldn’t she have guessed by now?

“Jess, wait. What did I do?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, clearly that’s not true. Jess!” she took a hold of his arm and forcibly pulled him to a standstill, getting in front of him fast before he took off again. “Jess, talk to me. What did I say that was so wrong?”

“It’s not your fault,” he said, knowing that much was true at least. “It’s not, it’s just...”

“It’s just?” she prompted when he fell silent too quickly. “Come on, Jess. Spit it out.”

“Fine!” he yelled at her, though he hadn’t entirely meant to. “You seem pretty fixed on the guy I was before. You know, the one I don’t remember?”

“Jess, that’s stupid,” she told him, waving an arm emphatically. “The guy you used to be is you. You’re not a clone or an upgraded robot or something. You’re just you.”

“No, I’m not.” He shook his head wildly. “Rory, I don’t even know who I am, at least not based on everything everybody else knows about me. I’m this person now, this is me,” he said, presenting himself to her with arms outstretched. “Everything you knew about me from before, it’s not there. I don’t know about it and it’s not me.”

“But one day you’ll get your memories back-”

“No!” he told her loudly, so loudly he watched her reel back from the force of it, but he couldn’t stop now he’d started. “Rory, you don’t know that. I don’t know that. Hell, even the doctors don’t know that for sure. Maybe this is it. Maybe my life for me will start from the day after I crashed my car and that’s that.”

“I don’t believe that,” she said, shaking her head, eyes beginning to fill with tears.

“Well, I do, and you should too, even if that means we have to be over.”

“What?”

If she had looked upset before, she was doubly so now, and shocked along with it. Jess knew he was an idiot for doing this, he knew it, and yet somehow, he couldn’t stop himself. It was the worst case of self-sabotage, he was sure, but he just couldn’t handle feeling like this anymore, like half a person, like he wasn’t quite what Rory wanted until the rest of him came back. That might never happen, he had accepted that and she needed to as well.

“I don’t know where all this is coming from,” she said when he was quiet too long. “A couple of weeks ago we were... that day, everything felt so perfect. Just a few minutes ago everything still seemed pretty perfect to me. I thought you loved me, Jess, and I know I love you.”

“No, you don’t,” he told her coldly, though his eyes were on the pavement when he did so. “You can’t.”

“You’re not making any sense,” she said, pushing herself into his personal space, making him look at her. “Jess!”

“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t keep wishing me back the way I was. You do it all the time, Rory. I’m not even sure you realise you do it, but you do. You talk about when I get my memories back. Never if, always when. You look at me differently when you talk about how I used to be.”

“I can’t help it!” she told him, openly crying by now, and Jess wasn’t exactly surprised when he realised his own eyes were welling up too. “I want you to have your memories back for your sake as much as mine. I’m not denying it would be nice to be able to talk to you about things you used to know, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re still you, Jess. Yes, you’re a little different since the amnesia but everything I love about you is still there.”

Jess put a hand up to his face and wiped a tear away before Rory saw it. He realised belatedly that he hadn’t been fast enough. He hated that he upset her this much, that he had hurt himself into the bargain too, but he couldn’t help it. All of this had been brewing inside him too long and he had to let it out. The explosion had been imminent for weeks now, it just had to happen, come what may.

“Jess,” said Rory then, her hand at his cheek, making him look at her one more time. “I love you,” she repeated firmly. “I’m pretty sure I loved you on some level from the first day we met, and nothing has really changed. You still look like you, which I will not deny was a huge part of the initial attraction,” she told him with a lopsided smile. “You’re as smart as you always were, you love all the same things, and hate all the same things. Okay, so you don’t always remember that you do at first, but it’s fun to help you relearn and rediscover everything. You have the same sense of humour, you have a little less attitude, which I won’t deny I do miss sometimes, but I get glimpses of it now and then and it always makes me smile.

“You make me so happy, Jess, in so many ways. When you call, when you show up at my door, it’s like it always was for me. It’s seeing you and it’s a good feeling, really good, and when you kiss me, it’s the same feelings. When we were together, it was so special. You think I would’ve let that happen if I wasn’t a hundred percent sure about you, you just exactly as you are right now?

“I wouldn’t change you for anything, Jess, I swear, I wouldn’t, just please don’t let what we have crash and burn again. I can’t go through that again, not when we just got back on track and everything was going so well.”

Jess looked down into Rory’s beautiful blue eyes and he wanted it to be that simple. Everything she said made sense and he believed every word of it. For all that he had all this crap to get off his chest, he didn’t really doubt that she loved him. If he ever had before, after that speech, it would’ve been impossible. Maybe the problem really wasn’t what Rory felt about him. Maybe it had more to do with how he felt about himself. Jess had never looked at it that way until right now.

“I’m sorry,” he said too softly, fighting to clear his throat and make his voice work before he spoke again. “I didn’t... I didn’t set out to ruin anything,” he promised her, gently wiping tears from her face with his thumbs. “You gotta understand what this is like for me. Everybody knows my life better than I do. They know me better and... and as uncool as it is for guys to admit to being scared about anything, living like this, it scares me to death sometimes. I’m just waiting for the ground to go out from under me all of the time, waiting for the next thing to throw me off balance.”

“It’s okay,” Rory promised him, holding him close. “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you, it’s probably why I talk so much about you getting your memories back, because I want it to be easier for you, but it’s never about having you be different or wanting a different version of you. I love you, Jess Mariano and... and I want to be with you, it is as simple and as complicated as that,” she quoted.

Jess smiled, knowing she had a purpose in using those exact words. He had been reading Bukowski recently, which made it mean all the more to him. Still, the words were pretty special either way.

“I love you too,” he promised her, swallowing hard, “but I think... I think maybe you should take Paris up on her offer, spend spring break in Florida.”

“What? Why?” asked Rory, frowning hard again by now.

“Because I think it’d be good for you. Maybe for me too.” Jess shrugged. “I need to figure this out, Rory. I thought I was okay with the way things were and I blamed you for anything I wasn’t sure about. I was wrong and I’m sorry, but now I think I need some time to figure out how to really move forward, you know?”

“Not really,” she admitted, shaking her head, “but if you need some time, I guess I’ll go,” she told him, even as the tears came again and her voice started to shake with emotion.

She reached up to kiss him and Jess kissed her back. Maybe he was an idiot though, despite what he thought, Rory didn’t seem to believe that. She wanted him to be happy and for a while there Jess had actually thought that he was. Apparently, the only person lying in this situation was Jess himself, and the person being duped was him too.

* * *

“So, one minute I’m standing there in the apartment figuring out what to have for breakfast and the next this key is in my hand and suddenly I thought of you.”

Luke looked up sharply from his receipts to stare at Lorelai when he heard those words.

“What are you talking about?”

“I know, it sounds crazy,” she agreed. “There was Jason, my boyfriend, offering me a key to his place, the next step down the path in serious relationship world and I think, ‘No. Luke wouldn’t let this happen. In fact, Luke didn’t let this happen.’”

“I didn’t?” he checked, wondering how he had suddenly become a part of Lorelai’s romantic life, though quite honestly Luke wasn’t sure he wanted to object to it if he had.

“You made your clean break from Nicole,” she reminded him, “and honestly? You’ve seemed a lot happier since.”

“Well, when it’s not right, it’s better to just get out.” He shrugged.

“Exactly!” Lorelai exclaimed. “That is what I thought. So, as awful as it was to have to kick the puppy, which is kind of what I felt like I was doing, I had to tell Jason it was over. It wasn’t going anywhere, not for me. He’s just not the guy, you know?”

She didn’t look too broken up over it all, and yet Luke forced himself not to smile. Was he glad to know Lorelai’s relationship with her boyfriend was over? Actually, yes, but she probably wouldn’t appreciate him grinning like an idiot about it.

“He probably wasn’t good enough for you anyway,” he said, lifting the cover to get her a doughnut and placing it on a plate right by her coffee.

“You never met him, how would you know?” she asked, smiling anyway.

“I know,” Luke assured her, smiling back.

They were having quite the nice moment, Luke thought, until the door clanged loudly and his nephew walked in with a face like a thundercloud.

“Jess?” he called to him as he headed straight for the curtain. “Jess, what happened?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I’m going upstairs.”

Luke looked at Lorelai who shook her head, clearly as confused by this turn of events as he was. Excusing himself for a second, Luke followed Jess upstairs just as fast as he could and opened the apartment door to find his nephew lying face down on his bed.

“Jess, please. Talk to me,” he urged him.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jess replied, voice muffled by the bedclothes, though Luke had a horrible feeling that wasn’t all that was taking the sound away.

Going over to the bed, he put his hand to Jess’ shoulder and tried to get him to turn over. When he finally did, Luke saw his red-rimmed eyes and almost wished he hadn’t made him face him.

“Oh, Jess.” He sighed, putting an arm around him. “What happened, buddy?”

“Not much,” he said sniffing hard. “I just really, really do not want to be a screw up anymore.”


	16. Chapter 16

Rory had been gone on Spring Break a couple of days now. Jess saw her briefly before she went. She had made a point of coming home to see her mom before leaving if nothing else and came by the diner to say goodbye. Though he asked for time and space, Jess didn’t object to seeing her. In fact, now that she was gone, he only wished he never asked her to.

Jess was a fool to himself and he knew it. He may not remember the mistakes he made before the accident that wiped his memory almost entirely away, but he was patently aware of how he had screwed up since. He handled it all wrong, he knew that now, especially with Rory. Jess seemed doomed to make a mess of any sort of relationship he tried to have with her, and this time it was definitely his own doing.

It had been so easy to convince himself that Rory was the one with the problem, that she couldn’t love him for who he was now, only for what he might’ve been before. The truth was very different. Of all people, she did love him just exactly as he was now, it was Jess himself who was uncomfortable and pining for what he lost.

He was always telling everyone else how happy he was with his life as it stood, but it wasn’t true, and the reality of it hit Jess around the face just the other day, the moment he tried to blame somebody else. They said you always hurt the one you love. Jess wasn’t sure who said it exactly, but the phrase was stuck in his head so he had to have heard it or read it at least once before. Apparently, he was able to prove it whether he wanted to or not.

Luke had tried to be nice, but to Jess’ mind, that actually made matters worse. Despite everybody seeming to know that Jess wasn’t exactly the best person before, they all seemed to like him now and Luke especially would not let Jess call himself a screw up, even if it were true. Even after his confession about what he said to Rory, how he told her to go away to Florida for a while and leave him be, still Luke sympathised with Jess, as if he couldn’t help himself.

“Come on, Jess,” he had told him. “You’re being too hard on yourself. Okay, so maybe you didn’t handle this perfectly, but I got news for you, nobody ever handles any relationship perfectly. You screw up, you apologise, you try again.”

“It was supposed to be different this time,” Jess had insisted. “Me and Rory, this time around, it was supposed to work. God knows how since I don’t even know how it went wrong the last time, but still, we were supposed to try harder.”

“You did try harder, Jess. I know you did and Rory knows too. You gotta cut yourself some slack. We all know that this amnesia thing is tough on you. It’d be hard for anybody to deal with.”

That was when the truth came out, when Jess told Luke everything. How he hated not being able to remember, how he tried to make it everybody else’s problem but actually it was only him that was struggling with who and what he was. He cried about it because he couldn’t help it, even though he was pretty sure guys weren’t supposed to cry. Of course, for all Jess knew, he cried all the time. How the hell was he supposed to know?

It was three months now since the accident and still Jess remembered next to nothing. He got glimmers of what might’ve been memories sometimes, but it was all so vague. Jess wanted more. He needed to remember and he thought he might have figured out a way to do it.

“Jess, you really shouldn’t try to force it,” Luke had advised. “Remember what the doctor said.”

“Whatever,” Jess had told him, literally waving away his uncle’s concern.

The moment Luke went down to the diner, Jess set himself up at the table with a legal pad and a pencil. Starting at the top of the page, he began a list of everyone and everything that he knew that mattered. He wrote about Rory and Lorelai and Luke. He listed books he had read, movies he had watched, and music he had listened to, noting every quote, lyric, and detail his mind could conjure. He fought to focus on what mattered, things he knew had been important before, the fragments of memories that others had shared with him over time. A picnic with Rory on the bridge. A fight with Lorelai on her porch. Chalking a body on the sidewalk for a prank. Driving fast down the freeway and losing control of the car.

Jess filled pages and pages with handwriting that could’ve belonged to anyone, because he certainly didn’t recognise the style. He wrote down his parents’ names, his grandparents names, all told to him, but meaning nothing. Then he turned the page and started again with Rory. She mattered most, she always made him feel more like himself. He had to remember everything about her, he just had to. She was the key to all of this, he was sure on that, if he could just remember.

“Come on!” he yelled at himself, slamming a hand against his forehead. “I know it’s all in there somewhere. Come on!”

“Jess?”

Hearing his name startled him, especially since it was maybe the last voice he would’ve expected in the apartment.

“Lorelai?” he checked, turning to look.

She was framed in the doorway, staring at him like he was a crazy person. Jess had to confess he might have looked like one, smacking himself in the head, yelling like... well, a crazy person might.

“Er, isn’t Luke downstairs?” he asked, dropping the pencil and getting up from his seat fast.

“Uh-huh.” Lorelai nodded. “But you’re up here and it’s you I wanted to see, so... what’s up?”

“Nothing,” said Jess, shifting awkwardly.

“Nothing, right. Nothing’s making you smack yourself in the head and look like you’re going to cry?” she asked, coming further into the apartment and closing the door behind her. “That’s a pretty intense amount of nothing.”

“I was just... I was trying to remember.”

“Remember what?”

“Anything. Everything,” Jess confessed.

“Yeah, I’ve had versions of what’s going on with you from two sources now and neither sounded too good,” said Lorelai with a look. “Of course, Rory and Luke, they both love you way too much to be objective about what you’re going through and as much as I think they’re both awesome, they’re probably too busy coddling you to help you. So, figured I’d give it a shot.”

“Give what a shot?” asked Jess, shaking his head in confusion as Lorelai took a seat at the table. “You think you can help me?”

“I can try.” Lorelai shrugged. “Hell, the state you were in when I walked in, I can’t exactly make it worse, can I?”

She picked up the legal pad without asking and started to read. Jess meant to stop her but he figured there was little point. She just said she wanted to help him and Jess would take what he could get. Besides, as much as he was aware that he and Lorelai were never close before his accident, he only remembered her being nice to him, and he had tried to be nice back. They were some weird kind of quasi-friends, he supposed, and as she quite rightly said, she wasn’t about to coddle him. She was more likely to go for the cruel to be kind angle. Hell, if it worked, Jess would take it.

“I’d love some help,” he confessed, sinking back down into his chair, “but unless you can magic my memories back into my head, I’m not sure what you can really do that’s gonna make any of this better.”

If the look on her face was anything to go by, Lorelai was feeling all kinds of sorry for Jess right now. He wasn’t sure he wanted her sympathy, couldn’t be certain he deserved it, but he might just take that too in the circumstances, if she was offering. He’d take what he could get and hope for the best because he had no other options.

“You have a lot down here about Rory,” said Lorelai after a while.

“I’ve spent more time with her than anybody else.” Jess shrugged. “Besides, when I’m with her... it’s the closest I feel to being me, you know? I feel like all the memories are closer to the surface when she’s there, but I still can’t get to any of them.”

“Maybe you’re trying too hard.”

“Maybe I’m not trying hard enough,” Jess countered.

“Right.” Lorelai nodded. “So, you think being around Rory helps but you sent her away. Yeah, maybe you’re not trying hard enough,” she considered, throwing the legal pad towards him across the table. “One thing I know for sure is you’ve got issues, Mariano. Pretty sure you had ‘em long before the bump on the head too.”

“Like I didn’t figure that out already,” he told her with a sigh.

“Hey,” said Lorelai, tapping his arm until he gave her his attention again. “You wanna know the only other thing I know for sure about you? You love Rory,” she told him before he had a chance to answer her question.

“Pretty sure that’s the craziest part about this whole thing,” said Jess, leaning back in the chair so far, he almost looked at the ceiling. “I’ve known her, what? Three months? Not even that long, and I love her. I’m so stupidly in love with her I can’t even think straight. After three months? That’s crazy.”

“Jess, it’s been way longer than that.”

“Not, for me.”

“Yes, for you!” Lorelai insisted, apparently not deterred from her theory by the look he shot her way. “You don’t remember, but you know, Jess. I know you do. It’s instinct, it’s... well, as much as it pains me to say this, it’s probably meant to be with the two of you. You and Rory, you always had this connection. It’s impossible to explain or make sense of, but it was always there. Just because you can’t recall the day you met or the first thing you said to each other or your first kiss doesn’t change the fact that you love her, and Jess, she loves you too. She really, really does.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’m her mom and her best friend and,” she said, pausing a moment and smirking more than Jess ever expected her to when they seemed to be having such a serious conversation, “because she bailed on spring break to come home and see you.”

“She what?” asked Jess, startled into sitting up very straight all of a sudden.

“Well, she didn’t say that was why she came home so fast. In fact, she gave me a whole long list of dumb excuses, but I know the truth. Mothers always do,” she said with a smile. “She’s back, Jess, and she’s back for you. Now, normally, I would be telling my daughter to run screaming from the guy who has broken her heart multiple times now, but I’m done fighting this thing you two have, and I think maybe you should stop fighting it too,” she said, getting up to leave suddenly. “Rory’s on the bridge. She went there hoping you might show up at some point, but I know you male types can’t always be relied upon to be where we want you to be even when we ask, never mind leaving it all to fate. So, consider this me giving fate a push. Go to the bridge, Jess. Go talk to Rory, tell her how you feel about her and for God’s sake, try to make it work this time, okay?”

She went towards the door, almost making it out before it occurred to Jess to stop her.

“Lorelai? Thanks,” he told her as she glanced back. “Really, thank you.”

“No problem, kid,” she assured him, and then she was gone.

* * *

Rory knew this was stupid. If she wanted to see Jess she could just go to the diner. Luke would let her go up to the apartment, it was no big deal, and yet she couldn’t do it. She promised Jess his time and space and that was what she was giving him. Of course, that didn’t mean she wasn’t wishing and hoping that he might just randomly show up at the bridge and find her.

She was eight chapters into Vanity Fair when she heard footsteps and somehow, she just knew it had to be him. Jess didn’t have a particular walk that she was aware of, but he had a presence that she always picked up on. Before his shadow quite managed to fall over her, Rory looked up and smiled.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied in kind. “You’re back.”

“I’m back,” she echoed, closing her book. “I didn’t come right over because... well, time and space.”

“Yeah, time and space.”

It was so dumb, the two of them just parroting each other’s words, but Rory wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to do right now. She couldn’t exactly say what she wanted Jess to do either, except maybe tell her that he had his head straight now and they could be together again. Two days probably wasn’t all the time he really needed, but Rory couldn’t help it. She hated being away from him and Florida wasn’t much fun anyway. This was where she wanted to be and who she wanted to be with.

“Jess...”

“Rory...”

They both smiled when they realised what had happened, that after too long of a silence they had both chosen the exact same moment to try and break it. Rory stared up at Jess with his hands shoved in his pockets, looking as stupidly nervous as she felt herself. She got up from her place on the edge of the bridge, brushing dust off the back of her jeans with the hand not holding tight to her book.

“So,” she tried again. “Did you miss me?”

“From the second you left,” Jess confessed easily. “How about you?”

“Longer,” she told him, not caring if it made no sense. “Jess, I know you’re struggling with your amnesia and I can’t imagine how tough it is for you, I really can’t, but please don’t push me away,” she urged him. “We were finally getting it right this time. It was working.”

“Was it?” he asked, not at all surprised to see confusion and hurt in her eyes at such a question. “No, I know. It was working,” he confessed then. “I know it was but... but see it from my way, Rory. You say we were finally getting it right, but I can’t even remember what I got wrong. I know I should be happy that you took everything I did wrong before and tossed it away like it was nothing, but... but I don’t want you to do that.”

“You don’t?” Rory checked. “You’d rather I was mad at you for everything you did wrong that you don’t even remember doing?”

“No,” said Jess, like a reflex, before thinking better of it. “Actually, yes, maybe that’s exactly what I want. You know, maybe if you treated me like the person I was before, I might actually remember that guy, because as much as I keep being told I used to be a jerk and an asshole, at least it was the real me. I want to like who I am now, Rory. Actually, I do like him, but I don’t ever feel like me, except sometimes when I’m with you.”

Rory needed a minute to process that. It was quite the mind-bender, but she figured if anyone’s head had a right to be screwed up, it wasn’t hers. She had been trying to understand what Jess was going through all this time and it wasn’t easy. It had to be ten, even a hundred times harder on him. Still, asking her to be mad at him for a past he couldn’t recall, it seemed insane.

“Jess...” she began, not knowing how to continue.

“Rory, I love you,” he said definitely. “That’s just about the only thing I know for sure about myself these past three months. I look at you and I just know that I love you. Everything else is what I’ve been told that I know, not anything I’m actually certain of, so can we please pick up where we left off and see if it helps?”

“Where we left off when?” she asked, confused all over again.

“The last time I saw you before the accident. What was the very last thing we said to each other?”

Rory laughed. She couldn’t help it, it was too strange. Of course, Jess looked baffled by the noise she was making so she eventually had to find her voice and explained.

“The last thing you said to me before the accident, Jess, was ‘I love you,’” she admitted with more bitterness in her tone than she would like as her own memories pushed to the surface all at once, along with all the pain and anger and frustration that Jess had ever caused her. “You stood opposite me in the town square and you told me you loved me, for the very first time ever.”

“Seriously?” Jess echoed.

“Seriously,” she confirmed. “Before that I hadn’t seen you in months. You left me. That was how we ended the last time, you just took off without a word. You called me a few times after that from wherever it was you’d gone to, but you didn’t talk. Nope, you gave me the silent treatment, even on my graduation day,” she explained, getting angrier all the time and unable to help it as tears filled her eyes. “We didn’t treat each other well, Jess. It wasn’t all you, some of it was me too, I know that, but you never, ever wanted to talk to me. You never wanted to confide in me, you just bottled everything up, and then you left.

“I cried so much when you were gone. I blamed you, I blamed me, and then when you finally came back I thought it was okay. You’d apologise, you’d make it all better, but you didn’t. You avoided me and then when you finally decided to face me, what did I get? ‘I love you,’ before you drove off into the night and left me standing there like an idiot!”

“I... I’m sorry,” said Jess, amazed by the torrent of truth coming at him right now, talk of events he truly had no memory of still. “Rory, I am sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” she told him, shaking her head. “How can you be? You don’t even remember doing any of this, and I’m a terrible person for wanting you to remember, I know I am, but I do, Jess. I want you to know how you hurt me, the first time around, and this time around. I just want to love you and have you love me, it’s all I ever wanted, but you always want to make it harder. Well, I can’t do it anymore, Jess. I just can’t!”

She turned to run but Jess caught her by the arm, desperate to keep her with him.

“Rory, please,” he urged her, but she wasn’t stopping.

“Let me go, Jess” she told him, wrenching her arm free of his grip and pelting away from the bridge.

She never glanced back, never realised that her flinging his arm away set Jess off balance just a little more than he could handle. He tried desperately to get his footing but failed miserably. Nobody was close enough to see or hear a thing as Jess slipped off the edge of the bridge and crashed headlong into the water with an almighty splash.


	17. Chapter 17

Dean wondered what he was hearing at first. It was a strange sound, coming from over by the lake. He looked that way, expecting to find two swans fighting or something. Instead he saw a head and an arm bobbing out of the water, then disappearing back under the surface. Without a thought, he ran to help.

As he reached the bridge, Dean realised what he was seeing. The figure now trying to pull himself out of the water was someone he knew.

“Jess?”

As much as they never got along, Dean had no wish to watch Jess drown, though how he was managing to get into such a mess in only three or four feet of water was anyone’s guess. Dean considered maybe he passed out or hit his head or something, but he looked okay as he helped him back up onto the bridge. He was just soaked to the skin and coughing hard, like he’d taken in a lungful of water. Well, maybe he had.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, Jess,” Dean told him.

Jess remained on all fours on the bridge, fighting for breath yet. He just kept on coughing and struggling, as Dean fought to remember what to do in this kind of situation. He knew how to save someone from drowning, the swimming and rescuing part, he remembered being taught years before. He also recalled CPR and mouth-to-mouth but Jess wasn’t unconscious and thankfully didn’t need that kind of treatment.

“Come on, Jess. Calm down,” he told him instead, figuring it was perhaps more shock and panic that had him in this mess than anything else.

Dean put his hand on Jess’ back, recoiling immediately when the other guy suddenly moved. Jess was on his feet in a second, though he looked unstable yet. He stared up at Dean like a madman, saying nothing at first.

“Forester?” he tried eventually.

“What happened to you?” asked Dean, frowning hard.

Jess continued to breathe heavily, but at least there was air going in and out and no more water coming up. Jess was pretty sure nobody could be more glad about that than he was, though Dean probably placed a close second. That was new, Forester caring if he lived or died, but then things had changed a lot lately, he recalled.

“Thanks, man,” said Jess then in a moment of what appeared to be total clarity as he gripped Dean’s arm a moment. “Really, thanks.”

The next moment he was taking off at a shaky run, dripping water everywhere as he went. Dean could do nothing but stand back and watch him go, still wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

“Oh, mom, it was awful!” Rory told her, crying yet. “I just... I got so mad at him, I couldn’t help it.”

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Lorelai promised, holding her tight and kissing the top of her head. “This is tough on the both of you. I’m just sorry I told Jess to come talk to you. I swear, I thought I was helping, I really did.”

They’d been huddled up on the couch together like this for a while now, ever since Rory came running in the door at least fifteen minutes ago, already tear-stained and shaking before she ever reached the front door. She hadn’t made a whole lot of sense at first and then it all came out, how Jess had said he wanted to know what happened before and so she went ahead and told him. Everything was revealed at last, well, at least the major issues in their relationship, focusing on how it really fell apart at the end. Now, Lorelai honestly wasn’t sure if she felt more sorry for Rory or Jess, though she suspected it was her daughter, purely because they were blood. What really had her confused was whether Rory was crying because Jess had hurt her or because she had hurt him. On that score, she supposed it was even, but Lorelai wasn’t about to ask, not yet.

“Okay. This situation calls for reinforcements,” she tried instead. “You want to share the rest of the Half Baked we have stashed in the freezer?”

“Yes, please,” Rory sniffled, moving so her mom could get up and go to the kitchen.

She felt dreadful and hoped rather than believed ice-cream would help. Starting over with Jess had seemed like such a good plan and as tough as it was to have him without his memories, Rory thought they were doing okay. She never would’ve slept with him if she hadn’t been sure this time around, and Jess seemed so certain too. They loved each other, they had actually said it multiple times and Rory had no doubt they both meant it. It seemed maybe sometimes that just wasn’t enough.

A knock at the door startled her and even in her tear-stained state, Rory felt she should answer. After all, whoever wanted in seemed pretty persistent about it. It could be Lane, she supposed, having some new crisis, or maybe Babette looking for a missing cat. Rory got a real shock when she saw her boyfriend standing on her porch, dripping everywhere.

“Jess?” she gasped at the sight of him. “What happened?”

“I remember,” he told her, breathing hard.

“You, what?” she asked, shaking her head. “You’re soaking. Come inside.”

“I fell in the lake,” he said by way of explanation even as she pulled him inside and closed the door fast. “That’s not important, Rory. Listen to me, I remember,” he tried again, hand gripping her arm and making her look at him.

Their eyes met then, blue to brown, and she realised what he meant. She didn’t understand the how or the why, couldn’t begin to imagine how Jess had fallen in the lake like that, but she saw the light in his eyes and she knew.

“You remember,” she echoed, a smile coming to her face unbidden. “Everything?”

“Everything,” Jess confirmed, nodding his head and shivering terribly though the latter he didn’t seem to care about right now.

“Oh, Jess!”

Whatever had been happening between them before, Rory couldn’t help but hug him then. She was so happy for him, so glad that he had all his memories back. Quite honestly, she was happy for herself too. She really missed Jess as he was before the accident, though she felt badly about it all the time. She loved him with or without his memories, but it had to be better this way, for everybody, she was sure on that.

“What’s going on?” asked Lorelai as she came through to the hallway. “Wow, quick turnaround,” she said, as she saw Rory in Jess’ arms. “And you’re really, really wet,” she remarked, looking Jess over.

“He fell in the lake,” said Rory, grinning all over her face, “but he also got his memories back.”

“You did?” said Lorelai, staring agog at Jess. “All of ‘em?”

“Pretty sure.” Jess nodded.

He shivered some more and then turned his head fast away from Rory as he sneezed.

“Okay, not good,” said Lorelai, switching on Mom mode immediately. “I’m going to get towels and see if we can’t find you some alternate clothes, and you’re going to take a hot shower, right now.”

“I’m fine,” said Jess, waving away her concern, eyes fixed on nothing but Rory.

“Er, yeah, do you know how much Luke will kill me if you die of hypothermia on my watch?” asked Lorelai. “Because I’m telling you, I think it’s a very lot. Come on, Jess, you already had one hospital visit this year, let’s not make it two,” she advised, finally gaining his attention.

It was so weird for Jess to look at Lorelai and see genuine concern on her face. He was so awful to her when they first met, and a few times after that too. She had every reason to hate him, he knew that now, but he also remembered how friendly they were with each other these last three months. He did it because he didn’t know any better, but Lorelai had just been nice because she could be. That blew his mind.

“Thanks, Lorelai,” he said, meeting her eyes. “For everything.”

She had to have known what he meant, there was no way for her not to. Lorelai Gilmore wasn’t stupid. In fact, she might be one of the smartest people Jess knew in retrospect.

“No problem, kid,” she told him with a smile. “Now, stairs, quick march,” she ordered in her usual jokey way. “Faster we get you cleaned up, the faster you and Rory can figure out this mess between you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jess agreed, smiling because he couldn’t help it as he headed up to the bathroom.

Lorelai moved to follow him up when Rory grabbed her arm.

“Mom, he remembers. He remembers everything.”

“I know, sweets.” Lorelai nodded. “What does that mean for the two of you now, huh?”

Rory looked as confused as her mother had ever seen her and then she shook her head slowly.

“I... I actually have no idea.”

* * *

“Good afternoon, people of Stars Hollow!” Lorelai bellowed as she came crashing in through the diner door.

She got a few jolly welcomes from friends and neighbours, but the reaction she noticed most was Luke’s eyeroll. He was nothing if not reliable when it came to his reactions to the wackier parts of her behaviour. Lorelai kind of loved that about him.

“You know, if you keep looking at me like that, I’m not going to tell you my good news,” she said as she approached the counter.

“Good news, huh?” said Luke giving her a look. “If it’s a sale at a clothing store, please don’t tell me. I might just have to do back flips and I really don’t have the time,” he dead-panned, going right back to the figures he had been going through on the counter top.

“Better than a clothing sale. Better than blueberry pancakes. In fact, from your perspective at least, I’d say this is probably one of the top five pieces of good news you will ever receive in your life,” said Lorelai triumphantly.

“Okay, you got my attention,” said Luke, sighing even as he said it. “What is it?”

“Luke,” said Lorelai, leaning over the counter and putting her hands-on top of his, “Jess got his memories back.”

“What?”

“It’s true. He just showed up at our house and he remember everything. Amazing, huh?”

“We’re closing!” Luke boomed to the whole diner, clearing the place just as fast as he could. “Take your cups, pay your bills later, I don’t care, just clear out!”

Lorelai watched with no small amount of amusement as Luke removed every last patron from the diner, even going so far as to throw out Caesar, and advising Brian to let Lane knew she wouldn’t be needed for her shift today. When they were all gone, Luke turned around from the locked door, and rushed back behind the counter.

“Okay, I just need to grab my keys and then we’ll go.”

“Go? Go where?” asked Lorelai, frowning by now.

“To your house, to pick up Jess. You said he’s there and he has his memories back.”

“Well, yeah, but you can’t go over there,” she told him fast. “I left him there on purpose, with Rory, so they could talk. I mean, I had to get him cleaned up and into dry clothes first-,”

“Cleaned up? Dry clothes?” said Luke, shaking his head and looking towards the windows. “It’s not raining.”

“I know,” Lorelai confirmed. “Jess fell in the lake.”

“He fell in the lake?”

“Isn’t that what I just said? Yes, Jess fell in the lake, and apparently some kind of magic happened when he did, because presto chango, his memories all came back.”

“Wow.”

“Yup, that’s what I said, but it’s still good news, right?”

“Of course, it’s good news. The best news,” Luke agreed, sitting down hard on the nearest stool at the counter. “And he’s with Rory now?”

“They’re talking things out.” Lorelai nodded. “Well, that was the plan when I left. Things have been so weird with them the last few days and they kinda had a fight, then after Rory walked away, Jess slipped and fell in the lake. I checked him for a bump on the head but he said he was fine. Something about the shock maybe brought back all the memories? I don’t know, I’m no doctor, but the point is, the amnesia is gone, the memories are back, and fingers crossed, he and Rory are figuring things out... again,” she ended her ramble with a long sigh. “Luke?” she prompted when he sat in silence too long just staring at nothing. “Hey, Luke!”

After prodding him in the shoulder a couple of times, Lorelai finally succeeded in getting his attention.

“I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head until it cleared some. “I’m just... well, I guess I’m in shock too. It happened so suddenly. I mean, I’m happy for Jess but I was honestly starting to wonder if this day was ever coming.”

“I guess if you wait long enough, and fall in a lake, anything’s possible,” said Lorelai with a smile at her own semi-joke. “Geez, Luke, are you crying?” she asked then, shocked to see it might be true.

“No, I’m not... I’m just happy,” he said definitely, dragging a hand past his eyes. “Happy for Jess. That kid’s really been through it lately. Actually, with all this going on, so has Rory.”

“Amen to that,” Lorelai agreed. “Oh, Luke. You big softy!” she declared, getting up from her seat to hug him.

He put his arms around her too, not minding at all about having Lorelai so close. They had hugged before, it really shouldn’t be a big deal. After all, this was kind of a special occasion, with Jess memories back and hopefully everything finally getting figured out with him and Rory. Luke was happy and Lorelai was happy, plus they were friends, so they were hugging it out, no big deal. Strange then that when she moved as if to pull away at last, she didn’t exactly go far and it never really occurred to Luke to let go of her. At some point one of them must have moved because suddenly they were kissing, with neither of them seemingly willing to stop at all. That was new.

* * *

“It’s hard to explain,” said Jess, trying to do so anyway, for himself as much as for Rory’s sake. “I knew I was falling and I couldn’t stop. I panicked, I guess because I didn’t know how shallow the water was, or maybe because I did know and I was scared of smashing my head on the bottom,” he considered. “So, I go over the side head first, and the second I clear the water, it was like something hit me. Everything came back all in a rush, and it was so much, it was too much. It took me a while to realise I needed to come up for air, so I got a lungful of water and then I panicked some more,” he said, putting his hands over his face a moment. “I do not wanna do that again. Ever!” he declared.

“Oh, Jess.” Rory sighed, putting her arm around his back. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. You never would’ve been on the bridge if not for me-”

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” he told her, looking over at her then. “It’s not your fault, and even if it was, I got my memories back, Rory. That’s a good thing, right?”

“I think so,” she said, nodding her head solemnly. “Like I told you before, I always wanted you to remember, for your sake as much as mine.”

“I know,” he agreed. “I also know it was dumb to think you felt different about me when I didn’t remember anything. I know it probably did change things for you, maybe not as much as it did for me, but still. I shouldn’t’ve blamed you for the way I was feeling, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It’s okay, Jess,” she assured him. “I won’t deny, it hurt when you tried to tell me I didn’t love you after everything, but I understand. You were really mixed up. I can’t imagine how hard all this has been on you.”

“It’s been pretty hard on you too,” he reminded her. “Today’s the first day you really railed on me for the way I left before and I know I did apologise, but I didn’t know then what I was sorry for, not really. Now, I do, and I am sorry, Rory. For everything,” he swore to her. “I’m sorry for being a jerk about prom and school, for being a prize ass at that party we went to where I got into the fight with Dean. I’m sorry for the silent phone calls and for never telling you where I was going when I left, and for leaving without even saying goodbye. I’m sorry it took me so damn long to tell you that I love you.”

Rory swallowed hard, watching his beautiful brown eyes staring at her as he confessed everything and begged forgiveness for it all. He meant it. She knew that he did. Poor Jess had been through so much and yet the first thing he wanted to do now he was more-or-less back to normal was tell her how sorry he was for hurting her. It was almost too much to bear.

“Jess, I forgive you,” she told him, fighting tears again. “You know I do. I just hope that you forgive me too.”

“What do I have to forgive you for?” he asked, shaking his head. “What did you do wrong?”

“Are you sure you got all your memories back?” she checked, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all. “Hold on.”

She got up the and rushed off to her bedroom, returning in a minute with a huge sheaf of papers in her hand. Jess had no idea what he was about to see when she came back and dumped those papers in his lap, presumably wanting him to read them.

“Pro-Con lists?” he said, seeing those very words at the top of almost every page. “What are these for?”

“Me and you,” Rory confessed. “You know me, Jess. You know that all the big decisions I make go through the same process - the pro-con list. When it comes to our relationship, there have been quite a few.”

Jess had a feeling his eyes were so wide that they ought to roll out of his head as he leafed through the pages. One list seemed to be a comparison of his own positive and negative attributes as a potential boyfriend versus the same for Dean Forester. Another was for and against Rory and Jess sleeping together. Then there was one about Rory going to find him, presumably after he skipped town last year, and yet another, much more recent, regarding Jess getting his memory back.

“Why are you showing me all these?” he asked, looking to Rory for some explanation.

“So that you know you haven’t been the only one struggling,” she told him. “So that you can understand that my making choices about you, about us, was never easy, even though I had all the information. I can blame you for not talking to me about what was on your mind before your memory loss, Jess, but I never said any of this to your face, I just wrote it all down where you’d never know about it. After your accident, you wanted to share everything with me and I loved that, but it did make me feel guilty, because I still wasn’t being honest with you.

“There were times when I made terrible comparisons between you and Dean, and times when I treated you badly. At the same time, you were telling me lies and keeping things from me, and I was letting you do it. None of that was healthy, Jess. None of it was good.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that neither of us did a very good job the first time we were together, and this second time, we were probably doomed from the start. We said we were starting again, clean slate, but it could never work, not with you not knowing who you really were or anything real that happened between us. Not with me bottling up the past and trying to forget as if I had amnesia too.”

“Okay,” said Jess after her speech seemed to be over. “So, we both screwed up, twice over. Probably more times than that,” he admitted, dumping all her pro-cons lists onto the table and running a hand back through his wet hair. “What does it mean now?”

“It means we have two choices,” said Rory bravely as she could. “Either we decide it’s all too hard, that if we’ve tried this many times and failed to make it work then it’s just not worth it anymore. We call it quits, shake hands like friends would, and walk away forever, or...”

“Or?”

“Or we decide that we love each other enough to give it one last try,” said Rory, voice shaking terribly. “The way I see it, it’s pretty much all in or all out, Jess, because I don’t think either of us can go through another mess like this again.”

“Agreed,” he told her nodding his head. “So, all in or all out?” he echoed, eyes flitting to the papers piled on the table, as a smirk Rory hadn’t seen in too long came to his lips. “Got a pen?”


	18. Chapter 18

“You’re doing it again,” said Jess, rolling his eyes at his uncle.

“What?” asked Luke, shaking his head.

“The smiling thing. I know you’re thrilled I have my memories back, and I’m not denying it has its advantages, but the clown grin is still creepy.”

“For your information, I am not smiling because of you,” said Luke smartly. “Even though I am happy for you that you have your memories back and that you and Rory figured things out,” he continued, “I happen to also be happy for me.”

Jess had trouble keeping the smile off his own face then, though his was really more a smirk. Of course, the moment Luke saw that expression he just smiled more. It was getting kind of ridiculous with the two of them being so happy, but Jess reckoned that it probably wasn’t a bad thing. After all the drama lately, happy was good. He didn’t hate feeling this way. It certainly was better than the alternative.

“So, when you said nothing happened with you and Lorelai,” he said, taking the next dish from the drainer and drying it off. “What you meant was something did happen but you weren’t prepared to tell me about it yet.”

“Maybe,” said Luke, practically hiding in the sink as he continued to wash the dishes.

“Come on, Uncle Luke. If something did happen then Lorelai is going to tell Rory and Rory is going to tell me. It’s been almost twenty-four hours, I’m actually amazed it hasn’t happened already, but it is inevitable.”

Luke handed over the last dish with a sigh. He was done now, nowhere to hide, and honestly, he figured he had no real reason to anyway. He and Jess had definitely grown closer during the whole amnesia episode and though his own concern when Jess’ memories returned was that that their relationship would deteriorate again, it hadn’t happened yet. Jess was apparently still wanting to call him ‘Uncle’ Luke and help out around the place and talk about things. He sure didn’t hate that.

“Something may have happened,” he admitted, drying his hands off on a towel. “I don’t know what it’s going to mean exactly, probably nothing. I mean, we were both pretty thrilled for you, you know, having your memories back and all. There was a hug, just a normal friendly thing, you know?”

“Sure, I know.” Jess nodded. “And?” he prompted, also pretty sure there was more than just a hug, especially when Luke started grinning again.

“And so, we may have kissed, but that is all, just one kiss and then you and Rory burst in with your good news about being together and everything. Since then it’s been me taking you to the doctor and everybody in town coming to check their gossip details, so what happens next with me and Lorelai, I have no idea,” he declared, throwing the towel onto the table.

“Okay,” said Jess, nodding his head. “Well, if you want some advice, which you probably don’t,” he said quickly, seeing the look on his uncle’s face, “but if you did, I’d tell you not to wait too long to tell her how you feel about her.”

“Is that so?” said Luke, staring at Jess as if seeing him with new eyes.

His nephew didn’t wonder at that. After all, he kind of was a different person these days. Jess had thought if and when he got his memories back, he would revert to the person he used to be. Luke had confessed that he assumed the same thing, but of course it was much more complicated than that.

A person was affected by what they knew but more so by what they had experienced in life. Jess had been through so much in the past three months, learnt the world anew, seen Stars Hollow and all the people in it in a new way, and perhaps most importantly, seen himself differently too. The combination of what he was and what he later became, it all added up to the guy he was now, and he liked this version of himself best of all of them.

“You know, when Liz sent me here to you, I hated it. Hated this town, hated you, hated everything because... because it was easier. If you care about anything then you’ve got something to lose, and I was so used to losing things... people,” he said sadly, eyes dipping to the ground. “Unfortunately, you were real determined to care about what happened to me. Lorelai tried too, which is probably why I pushed you both away just as hard as I could.”

“You didn’t push Rory away,” Luke reminded him.

“Not at first.” Jess shrugged. “But later?”

He looked up at Luke and his uncle glanced away. It hurt for the one of them to say all this and just as much for the other one to hear. For the longest time, Luke and Jess struggled to find a balance, to understand each other’s point of view. Recently, it had all started to become patently clear to each of them what they had been missing all along.

“So, after the accident, when I had nothing left to hate, I got to start over,” Jess continued then, having to clear his throat just so he could. “I met the real you, the real Lorelai, the real Rory, everybody as they actually are and not how I thought they’d be. It never occurred to me to push anybody away because... because I’d forgotten to be scared of losing it all.”

“You can never lose me, Jess,” Luke promised him then, just in case he wasn’t clear on that. “I’m your uncle and I’m always going to be here if you need me.”

“I know that now. I should’ve known it before but... well, let’s just say I wasn’t the smartest guy ever.”

“Jess, it’s not about being smart,” said Luke, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Things with your mom and you... I don’t think I realised how bad it was or how it affected you. That and your dad leaving like he did and-”

“None of that was your fault,” Jess reminded him.

“Maybe not, but it wasn’t yours either,” said Luke definitely. “I didn’t handle it right.”

“I don’t think either of us did.”

This was probably the most outright honest either of them had ever been with each other and of course it felt strange, but it was also nice, in a weird way. Jess never felt he had anyone to confide in and when Luke gave him the chance, he simply didn’t know how to take it, at least not until he lost his memory, and then he had nothing to say. Now it was as if they had the best of both worlds and that was no bad thing.

“You’re not a bad kid, Jess,” Luke promised him. “You never were. You just went through some bad times and... well, here’s hoping they’re all behind us now.”

“I hope so too,” Jess agreed, “and thanks Uncle Luke, for everything. Taking me in back then, giving me money for my car, taking care of me after the accident. You didn’t have to.”

“It’s what family is supposed to do,” said Luke, pulling Jess into a manly hug before there was a chance for protest. “I’m here, Jess. I’m always here.”

“Yeah, I know,” he replied against Luke’s shoulder, hugging him back.

They parted awkwardly, suddenly very aware of themselves and how mushy they were getting. What needed to be said had been said now, over and done. They could get back to being men, for want of a better phrase.

“So, did Rory go back to Yale?” asked Luke, as desperate for a subject change as Jess was.

“She did,” he said, nodding his head, “but she’ll be back for the weekend. I’m taking her out on Saturday. First date, take three.”

“Well, they say the third time’s the charm.”

“So, I heard. How about you and Lorelai?” he asked then. “I mean, you gotta talk to her sometime. Maybe you should ask her to dinner or something. Just not for this Saturday because I am not offering to cover in the diner,” he added fast.

“Duly noted.” Luke rolled his eyes and smiled. “I don’t know if I can ask her that. I mean, it’s Lorelai.”

“Exactly, it’s Lorelai,” Jess echoed. “The woman you’ve been in love with for how many years now?”

Luke opened his mouth to argue that point but the words never came. He honestly wasn’t sure how long he had been looking at Lorelai and seeing not just the only person he could ever envisage a future with, but also everything he ever wanted in a woman. He had a feeling it may have been ever since the first day they met and she gave him that dumb horoscope that lived in his wallet to this day.

“I gotta go,” said Jess, checking his watch. “I’m due at the bookstore, but remember what I said,” he told Luke, patting him on the back as he walked by to leave. “Don’t wait too long to tell her how you feel about her.”

In the next moment, Jess was gone. Luke stared at the closed door a long time thinking about what his nephew had said. Maybe he was a fool if he didn’t tell Lorelai how much he really cared about her. After all, he and Nicole were divorced, more or less anyway, and Lorelai and Jason had been broken up for, well, only a week or so now that he thought about it, but it was her that had done the dumping. Whatever happened with Luke and Lorelai wouldn’t exactly be a rebound thing for either of them. It would be the real thing, as far as Luke was concerned, and he supposed he wouldn’t know how she saw it until he went ahead asked.

* * *

“Stars Hollow Books.”

“Hi, can I please speak to the well-read, highly attractive young man that stacks your shelves please?”

Jess smirked at the sound of Rory’s voice in his ear, unexpectedly flirting with him on the shop phone. He really hadn’t expected to hear from her so suddenly, but it was a nice surprise.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he said, playing along with her bit. “Andrew is out right now, but I can get a message to him if you’d like.”

“Eew!” she gasped, laughing in his ear. “As much as I love Andrew, he really isn’t at all attractive to me. I think he’s a little old for me also.”

“Well, if that option isn’t too your taste, ma’am, I’m sure we can find you something else,” he told her with a smile he hoped she could hear. “What kind of thing were you looking for?”

“Something a little more modern, a little dark and mysterious, but sweet once you get right into it.”

“Are you trying to tell me you like your men like you like your coffee?”

Rory laughed at that.

“I never thought about it like that, but I guess I kinda do,” she realised, “except coffee is better when it’s simple, and the guy I love is all kinds of complicated, but I’m okay with that. Simple and easy would be boring.”

“I’m happy with not being simple, but I can be easy, if you want,” said Jess, unsure what to make of the silence that greeted that remark. “Sorry.”

“For what?” asked Rory, clearing her throat. “Jess, it’s not like we haven’t... I mean, you were there too. You know what we did.”

“That’s a memory I don’t plan on losing, no matter what,” he promised her in a low voice, mindful of customers that were now milling around the store. “I just wasn’t sure where we at now, with all of that.”

“Me either,” Rory confessed. “I mean, I know we’re starting over, again, but it’s not really practical to pretend that nothing came before. It’s a fresh start in a lot of ways, now we have all the other issues talked out, but I wouldn’t want to wipe away everything that came before. It’s made us who and what we are. It’s made us stronger and more together than ever.”

“Agreed.” Jess nodded, even though she couldn’t see. “So, you actually called me for something, right?”

“Right,” said Rory then, clearly having forgotten the point of the call herself for a while there. “I was talking to Mom before and she was kind of tearing her hair out over the inn and how busy she is there. You did say before that you might volunteer to help her out but that was before, well, before.”

“I can still help out,” Jess told her quickly. “I just wasn’t so sure if she’d want me to. I mean, you know me and Lorelai, never really did get along. She was great when I had the whole amnesia thing but, I don’t know, it feels weird now I’m back to normal.”

“She still likes you, Jess. She hasn’t changed, her memories were there the whole time,” Rory reminded him. “You got to make a fresh start with her too and I love that you get along so well now. I’d hate for that to fall apart for no real reason, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jess considered. “Besides, anything I do for your mom will probably help Luke out. She told you what happened with them, right?”

“Kind of,” said Rory. “I mean, she said a hug and a friendly kiss, but she was a little vague on defining how ‘friendly’ it really was. I don’t think she’s sure what to think, like, if Luke really likes her that way or not.”

“Pretty sure he does.”

“Pretty sure she does too, but you know how foolish people in love can be.”

Jess smiled, knowing she was talking about more than Luke and Lorelai now.

“I gotta go, Ror. Customers are waiting,” he told her then, even though he hated having to do it. “I’ll see you Saturday, okay?”

“I can’t wait.”

“Me either,” he promised, as they ended their call. “Don’t see you in here much, Babette,” he told her, ringing up her purchases on the register.

“Well, you know, sugar, I get so busy there ain’t much time for reading lately,” she said, grinning all over her face. “Aww, but look at you, so happy. Must be pretty great for you to have all your memories back, huh?”

“Doesn’t suck,” Jess agreed, putting the two books - one on rare cat species, the other on Mexican cookery - into a bag for Babette. “You know it’s weird how many people we don’t usually see in here have come in today to ask me how I’m doing?”

“Well, folks care. You know how Stars Hollow is, sugar,” she told him, paying for her goods and leaving with a big grin and a wave to match. “See ya, kid!”

“Yeah, see ya,” said Jess, closing the register with a thud.

It was weird having so many people care about him, but somehow Jess couldn’t hate it like he used to. He meant what he said to Luke before, when he first came to Stars Hollow he didn’t want to like it, didn’t want to make friends, because that would just be lining himself up to lose all over again. He didn’t have that fear anymore. God help him, but he actually felt as if he belonged in this stupid crack-pot town. He had Luke looking out for him, Lorelai actually liking him, and Rory completely in love with him. The two of them were so committed to their relationship, Jess couldn’t imagine ever leaving her again, not for anything.

Jess had a lot of bad memories that he could recall, but staying here in Stars Hollow, he had a feeling he could make a whole lot of good ones from now on. Maybe that made him crazy too, but Jess couldn’t find it in himself to care.


	19. Chapter 19

“I can do this, I can do this,” Lorelai muttered to herself. “God, I wish there was someone other than me here to tell me I can do this!”

“Do I count?”

She turned sharply from the inn’s reception desk to find Jess hovering by the door and actually smiled at the sight of him.

“Anybody who can make me stop feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack about this inn dry-run counts, so if that’s you...?”

“Come on, this place looks great,” he promised her. “Sookie has the food under control, as much as he bugs me, Michel has a handle on the whole reception and booking thing, and you’ve done everything else. So, what could go wrong?”

“You’re doing good so far.”

“Plus, if any tiny thing did go a little bit wrong this weekend, Luke and Rory and me will be here to help you fix it.” Jess shrugged as he came over to stand by her. “So, what’s the panic for?”

Lorelai heaved a sigh that sounded a lot like relief.

“You know, my daughter used to date a guy like you, but he was a lot surlier,” she told Jess, smiling through words that might otherwise have been taken badly. “I think I like you better.”

“Oh, yeah? She never talks about him,” he said, continuing the bit just because he could.

It was strange but when Jess thought about dating Rory before, it was almost like remembering someone else’s life. Not that he wasn’t glad to have the memories back. He really hadn’t felt like himself without them, but Jess was happy to recall those days only as a lesson on how not to be this time around.

He and Rory had started over on that third time lucky three weeks ago now and were as happy as they had ever been, maybe even happier actually. It probably helped that Luke and Lorelai were both being supportive, though much of the time they paid little mind to their nephew and daughter respectively, since they had been starting quite the romance of their own.

“I feel like I must’ve forgotten something,” said Lorelai then, nails tapping on the reception desk as her eyes scanned around the inn. “I had all these things to do popping into my head the other night and I kept on writing them down or calling the answering machine and leaving messages for myself, but then that started to drive Luke crazy so he made me stop.”

“He mentioned something about that.” Jess nodded.

“Well, then he got real good about distracting me from all the worries and the lists, which I won’t say any more about because you already look severely green from the very idea,” said Lorelai, shaking her head, “but anyway, I’m pretty sure somewhere along the line, I must’ve missed a few things.”

“Was one of the things you missed the reason why you asked me to come over?” asked Jess then.

Lorelai stared at him for a long time before the light dawned and she suddenly snapped her fingers.

“I asked Luke to ask you to come over,” she recalled. “Yes, right. I have something of you,” she said suddenly reaching under the counter and producing an envelope. “For all your help, Jess. Thank you.”

Jess must’ve looked as confused as he felt when he took the envelope and opened it up, finding at least a hundred bucks inside.

“Lorelai, I didn’t-”

“I know,” she told him fast. “Jess, I know you volunteered here to be a good guy, because you are a good guy. Sure, we didn’t start off on the right foot exactly and I can blame your attitude for that and I don’t think you’d argue that it was a major issue at the time, but I know I was wrong too. I judged you so fast and I... I think I was so caught up in what a nice guy Luke was that I forgot what it was like to be a troubled kid with parents that just don’t get it.”

“Memories can be weird that way,” he said with a wry smile.

“Can’t they ever?” Lorelai nodded. “The fact is, Jess, I didn’t like you back then, and I sure as hell didn’t like the way you treated Rory when you guys dated, but you figured it all out, you grew up and she did too. Anybody who’s seen you guys together lately knows how happy you are together, and all the help you’ve given me here at the inn and everything, well, I guess what I’m saying is I’m happy to have you around Jess, and me and Sookie decided it just wasn’t right for you to have done as much as you have and not even get paid, so...” she concluded, gesturing to the envelope in his hands.

“Thanks,” he said too softly, and for more than just the money, they were both sure on that.

“No problem,” said Lorelai, smiling again. “Besides, I figure the cash might help with a certain apartment that a certain guy might be renting in a certain place called New Haven.”

“Aww, geez!” Jess face-palmed when he heard all of that. “I knew Luke was gonna open his mouth. I never should’ve told him.”

“I haven’t said a word to Rory,” Lorelai swore. “Cross my heart. Girl Scout’s Honour.”

“You were a Girl Scout?”

“No, I was never a Girl Scout, but you know what I mean.”

“Sure.” Jess smiled, he really couldn’t help it. “You think Rory’ll be happy about it, right? Me getting an apartment near Yale?”

“Happy? She’ll do cartwheels, Jess. She loves you that much.”

He nodded that he knew that, though it did feel weird yet to hear Lorelai say it and to see her smiling so much when she did so.

“Thanks again for this,” he said, tapping the envelope on the counter before turning to go.

Lorelai watched him head on out of the door and sighed a contented sigh. She really never thought she would see the day when things were going so well. Rory was actually happy with Jess, who in turn was like a real live human being with feelings and a smile on a face, the like of which was never seen before. Lorelai and Sookie were finally on the brink of opening their inn, a dream that they had hardly dared hope would ever come true, and then there was Luke. The great and wonderful Mr Danes who not only provided Lorelai with her life-giving caffeine kick every day, but who loved her and in his words was ‘all in’ when it came to their new and blossoming relationship.

“Does it get better than this?” she asked herself.

A loud crash in the kitchen made her jump in place, and the yelp from Sookie that followed set her running down the hall.

“Apparently, I spoke to soon!”

* * *

“Well, if a shortage of CDs is the biggest thing that goes wrong with this inn opening, I think mom and Sookie can call it a success,” said Rory as they came in the back door of the house.

“It was looking kind of dicey a couple of days ago, with Sookie’s knife incident and all,” Jess agreed, “but they pulled it together. Seems to be going pretty well so far.”

“It does.” Rory nodded. “Of course, the only problem is I was kind of looking forward to spending a little alone time with you this weekend and at the inn we’re pretty much surrounded at all times.”

“Oh, so that’s why you lured me over here,” said Jess with a smirk as Rory put her arms up around his neck and pulled him closer. “Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Gilmore?”

“Would you be shocked if I was?” she asked him, perhaps a little more seriously than Jess was really expecting if the look on his face was anything to go by. “Jess?”

“You are serious,” he realised.

“Kind of.” Rory nodded. “I didn’t really bring you here with dishonourable intentions, but the thought has kind of occurred to me now,” she explained, eyes flitting to her bedroom door.

It was so strange, talking about having sex again. To think of all the waiting Jess had done for Rory the first time around, and then the apprehension on Jess’ side during the amnesia before they finally agreed to go all the way. Now here they were having started all over again, the both of them seemingly too afraid to shatter what they had just rebuilt by crossing that particular bridge. For once, Rory was being the brave one and making the first move in that direction, and Jess wasn’t going to make her wait this time around.

* * *

“Hey,” said Luke as he came out onto the porch of the inn with two glasses in his hands.

“Hey,” Lorelai replied, smiling up at him from the steps. “Everything okay in there?”

“Everything’s fine,” he promised her, sitting down beside her and handing over a glass. “I noticed you escape out here, but I thought maybe my company would be okay.”

“Your company is more than okay,” she promised him, cuddling up close and putting her head on his shoulder. “It’s going really well, isn’t it?”

“It really is,” Luke assured her, planting a kiss in her hair. “I never thought it wouldn’t.”

“You have so much more faith in me than I do. Thank you for that,” she said, picking her head up to look at him. “Sometimes I wonder what I’d ever do without you, Luke.”

“You’d cope,” he told her, shrugging his shoulders, “but if it helps, I actually don’t intend on going anywhere.”

“That’s very good to know.” Lorelai smiled, leaning in for a kiss.

They were sat comfortably, leaning on each other again, just sipping their drinks and enjoying the quiet for quite a while. As great as it was that the inn’s dry-run was going so well, all the people and all the activity was a little intense and it felt good to escape a while.

“You know, Rory and Jess have been gone an awfully long time for just collecting CDs from the house,” said Lorelai then.

“I’m guessing they got a little distracted,” Luke told her with a look.

“Yeah, and as happy as I am for them, I really, really don’t want to think about that,” said Lorelai with a shudder.

Luke took her glass from her hand and put it with his at the top of the steps. Then he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close again.

“Come over here and I’ll take your mind off it,” he offered.

Lorelai didn’t argue with that plan one little bit.

* * *

“Wow.” Rory gasped, fighting to get her breath and her bearings both. “Okay. So, I didn’t think the the last time could be improved upon but... wow.”

“Y’know you’re very good for my ego,” said Jess, lying beside her in the bed, smirking because he just couldn’t help it. “The last time was different. It was great, I’m not saying it wasn’t, but I was kind of... at a handicap.”

“Uh-huh.” Rory nodded, mind racing and heart hammering yet. “Well, I can vouch for the fact that you’re not now,” she told him, taking another deep breath.

Jess’ arm slipped around her shoulders then and pulled her close. Rory didn’t mind that at all, in fact she loved it. Close to Jess was where she always wanted to be. It was awful having to be away at Yale so much and not seeing him, but she knew she couldn’t do anything about it, so she just tried to enjoy the time they did have together. One thing was for sure, she really enjoyed this last half hour, a lot.

“Jess?” she said then, not even looking at him. “Since you... know what you’re doing, and I... well, you know that you’re the only one that I was ever with, so I guess what I mean is-”

“Rory, do not even finish that question,” he warned her, moving so he could meet her eyes whether she liked it or not. “I love you,” he reminded her, ensuring she was in no doubt about the fact. “That is what matters here. What we have, what we just did, all of it, it matters because it’s you, okay? Any other girl that came before you meant nothing in comparison, you got that?”

“I got that,” she assured him, smiling widely. “You can be really sweet when you want to be, you know that?”

“Yeah, well,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Can we go back to the part where I’m great in bed? It’s better for my reputation.”

“Ass!” she declared, smacking him in the shoulder as they both laughed. “I do love you, Jess. All of you, all of the time,” she promised, sure that he must know it but feeling the need to make certain in a moment like this.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, nodding his head. “In fact, I was hoping you loved me enough you might wanna see more of me,” he said then, moving onto his side and propping his head up with his elbow.

“More of you?” Rory checked, mirroring his position. “More than I’m seeing right now?” she asked, eyes dipping down under the covers even as she blushed from head to toe herself.

“Not wanting to bring your mother into this situation, but ‘dirty’,” he said, leaning over to kiss her lips. “I meant maybe you’d want to see me more often. You know, between work at the diner and at the bookstore, plus the insurance money I got from the car wreck, well, I was thinking of getting a place of my own... maybe in New Haven.”

“A place? Like, an apartment?”

“As close to Yale as they’ll let me,” Jess agreed. “Only if the rent’s not too high, and only if you promise to come visit a lot.”

“Oh, Jess!” Rory exclaimed, throwing herself all but on top of him. “That’s the best idea. I love it. I love you,” she said definitely, kissing him long and hard.

This was before he even got to the part about getting his GED and hopefully getting a real full-time job before too much longer, but Jess figured he could save that news for later since Rory seemed to want to start things up between them again.

No matter what the past had been, suddenly, the future was looking awfully bright for Jess Mariano, and he planned on making the most of it. He couldn’t remember a time when he was ever happier than he was right now.


End file.
